Will the benches clear tonight for Fonzi?

If I were starting tonight for the Houston Astros I'd make sure I nailed Chicago Cubs frolicking left fielder Alfonso Soriano with a ball square on his hip.

The over the top celebration is a staple of Soriano and his man-crush John Cena and Monday night's walk-off grand slam was a good time to bust out the "You can't see me."

But act like you've done it before for God-sakes.

It's not like I wouldn't behave in the same way but then again I've never hit a home run in anything other than wiffle ball before. And if you're going to have a staple celebration, pick something specific.

First, he started with a long glare at the majestic fly for a few seconds, he was standing still, admiring the ball. Then a slow trot around the bases was punctuated by the signature Cena celebration/intimidation move/marketing gimmick.

That was all fine and dandy even with the mob at home plate. It's just a basic walk-off celebration in the MLB.

But making out with your wife and essentially jumping into the crowd to cap the celebration? Enough already.

Soriano showed up the other team and he should expect to get plunked. No big deal. Just make sure Big Z knows that.

This College Grad Has A Real Job With A Newspaper. You can pop that bottle ... NOW!

Yep, that's right kids. I've accepted a job at the Harrisburg (Ill.) Daily Register. And it's even got a Twitter page.

My job title? Well, I'm not quite sure yet. My first day is tomorrow, officially and I'm going to have a lot of responsibilities. I wonder how that will look on a business card.

There are so many people to thank, but I won't thank them all here. Even though once upon a blog post I did that.

As for The Big Dead Sidebar, it's not going anywhere. Not until someone says I can't write it anymore. That will be a dark day in blogger history if that ever happens. And even if it did happen, there is a contingency plan in place (in my mind, at least), but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Until then, there's a celebration in Carbondale. Not as big as the one pictured above, but I think you get the gist of things.

Coming soon to The Big Dead Sidebar

Memphis madness ... The Cubs' closer conundrum ... A new installment of God, Save The Salukis ... A story about where God saving the Salukis and Blue Demons may come together ... MLB predictions ... and much, much more.

Until then, proof of my celebration on Beale Street!

Go Heels!

It's Phinally Over Pt. 3

Papelbon strikes one more time. In yo face!

There's a part of me that wants to congratulate the Philadelphia Phillies on winning a World Series title. Even though I have no idea how hard it is to win one (because my favorite team always seems to find a way to choke it up) I do know how EASY it is to f*ck it up.

And since the Phightin' Phils didn't do that, I've gotta tip my cap to them.

However, it doesn't mean that they're exempt from getting a championship worthy facial!

I can't wait 'til next year when Jim Hendry or Lou Piniella gets a load in the face!

It's Phinally Over, Part Two

25 years of pent up...stuff!

Since the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim clinched baseball's first playoff berth, I've been enamored with these celebration photos. It's almost kinda sick. But can you blame me?

I didn't think so.

Honestly, if I won a championship I'd be spraying my fans all over the face too. You gotta share the love, dude!

The Price is Right: The Rays are AL Champs!

You know what this world needs?

More clever headlines referencing one of the greatest television game shows in history and the name of the No. 1 overall pick in the MLB Amateur draft.

Yeah!

Oh and more cool celebration shots like the one on the right.

I'm sure Scoop Jackson LOVES! this pic.

Anyway, I'd like to send a personal shout out to the Tampa Bay Rays, who by virtue of their 3-1 victory in Game 7 of the ALCS, put to bed any possibility of the New England area having another championship run.

I know I'm not the only one who's happy to see it come to the end.

I'm tired of the constant fellatio that is given to the Red Sox, Red Sox Nation and former Red Sox by ESPN. I'm tired of the blogosphere going all Papelbon-and-Papi over the new New York Yankees. I'm tired of Theo Epstein hogging the Moneyball era when Billy Beane should be raking in the benefits.

As for the Rays (a team without a batter with a .300 batting average and a payroll that mirrors what Ted Lilly is getting over four years) they'll be going to the World Series.

While both Chicago teams, both New York teams, both Los Angeles area teams and ESPN's love-children will be at home watching the World Series like the rest of us.

Oh yeah, and the Philadelphia Phillies are playing too.

"The Money Shot" starring Jim Thome

It started with Papelbon and ended with a Prince.

Until White Sox slugger Jim Thome came around.

My guess: Nick Swisher strikes again!

I love these celebratory pictures because they look like so much fun. One day, I hope to partake in one of these celebrations.

Who knows, maybe one day I'll be doused in champagne and ridiculed by a younger, wittier version of me.

One can only hope.

Congrats, Jim. Don't ever forget your roots, as a Cubs fan.

Paps strikes again?

Photo credit: SportsByBrooks

Look, I'm no photographer, but props to all the picture takers in the world.

Especially the ones lucky enough to capture championship celebrations of any kind.

Last week, we were treated to Jonathan Papelbon celebrating with David 'Big Papi' Ortiz in a rather peculiar way.

By the looks of this picture, Paps made a trip to Milwaukee to celebrate with Prince Fielder.

A picture says 1,000 words.

And kinda makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little.

Jonathan Papelbon is excited to see Big Papi because he really wants to celebrate

The Boston Red Sox celebrated another AL playoff berth with the team's 5-4 victory over Cy Young candidate Cliff Lee and the Cleveland Indians.

And they celebrated like any victorious team should.

By getting each other wet.

I feel sorry for the clubhouse manager. I don't know how he would get all that stuff out. It looks like a big mess and by the look on Papelbon's face, Big Papi's got some more coming to him.

I'm assuming those are some top-notch goggles, I'd hate for that crap to get in Papi's eye, causing him to miss some key games down the stretch.

Seriously, is this not the greatest photo ever?

Kudos to With Leather for the inspiration for this post.