Mark McGwire Has One More Apology To Make

Mark McGwire has (finally) admitted to using steroids.
And you act as if I'm supposed to give a damn.  As if I'm supposed to be surprised.

McGwire apologized, though I am not sure for what exactly he is apologizing for or who he is apologizing to.  He took steroids as he tried to heal quicker from his injuries and make his team better.  Do you blame him?  Maybe had he shared the wealth with the likes of Delino DeShields, Eli Marrero and Royce Clayton, the Cardinals would have been better off.

Is he apologizing to his family, who benefited significantly thanks to the paychecks McGwire received from the Cardinals and the endorsement money he received elsewhere.  I don't know anyone that would not do anything in his or her problem to give their family everything they wanted.

This, of course, was a little more illegal than other methods.

Still, I have yet to hear an apology to Tony La Russa.

While McGwire hid in a secret lair where he would go on and tutor Matt Holliday and others, La Russa was McGwire's only line of defense.  He often chastised media members for even questioning McGwire's past.

In the end, McGwires non-lies have turned La Russa into a liar.

Other than that, La Russa's blind eye act doesn't fool me, nor should it fool anyone else.  Of course Big Mac worked harder than everyone in the weight room.  He had supplements that allowed him to work for longer periods of time while helping his body cure up from its ailments. 
That's what steroids are for, not to make you big and strong, but to help with your endurance and speed up the healing process.  Always keep that in mind.

Then take into consideration the other former roided-up freaks that have played under TLR and with the Cardinals, including the team's starting center fielder much of last year, Rick Ankiel, and closer Ryan Franklin.

(Due to time constraints, we'll pretend that the Oakland Athletics of the late 1980s didn't exist.)

Yep, big surprise that a guy who hit 18 home runs in 279 PAs from 1993-94 jumped to 39 HRs in 422 PAs in 1995.

So, Mark.  If you want to make amends, why not start with the guy who made you relevant again in the first place?

Stat Boy: Screw It, Let's Sign Matt Holliday

The Chicago Cubs need Matt Holliday.

With a lead like that, I could go many places with this article.  I could write about how the new ownership needs to make a splash, one considerably more intriguing than re-signing John Grabow.  Or I could pen a piece detailing how taking signing a good player away from the division rival St. Louis Cardinals would make Cubs fans forget about that whole Aaron Miles experience.

Instead, the Cubs need Holliday's numbers.  That's right, Stats Boy presents the case for the Cubs to break whatever is left in the bank to bring in the slugging outfielder.

Holliday hit 24 home runs and drove in 104 RBIs in 670 plate appearances in 2009, single-handedly out-performing Milton Bradley and Kosuke Fukudome, who combined to hit 23 homers and drive in 94 ribbies.  For what it's worth, Bradley and Fukudome combined to make $16.5 million to post a .258/.376/.409/.785 slash line in 2009.

Tell me again how Jim Hendry still finds himself employed by the Cubs?

I'm sure an outfield that goes Soriano-Fukudome-Holliday would make me watch the Cubs a half-inning at a time (especially when Carlos Silva is pitching) but it would be much better than a Soriano-Byrd-Fukudome, Soriano-Podsednik-Fukudome or Soriano-Ankiel-Fukudome outfield trio.

Throughout his career, Holliday has proven to be a quality hitter during day games, posting a .316/.390/.520/.910 slash line in 1,087 plate appearances in games played in the sunshine.  If there is one statistic future Cubs general managers should look at, it is how a player hits during day games.  I cannot stress that enough for a team that plays a bulk of its home games at 1:20 p.m.

And just to show you I'm not bluffing, check out the slash lines of the other three "candidates" during day games.

• Ankiel: .250/.311/.451/.763 (81 games started, 118 games total)
  
• Byrd: .255/.311/.403/.714 (188 games started, 223 games total)
  
• Podsednik: .285/.350/.396/.747 (266 games started, 309 games total)
  

Only Podsednik's numbers are respectable of the guys Hendry will surely overpay for this offseason.  Then again, when a player who has played center field in only 80 games over the past three seasons is your best option, consider yourself screwed.

Then again, when you have a $140 million payroll and have holes at second base, center field, at the back of the bullpen and in the starting rotation...

Seriously, what the hell are you thinking Jim Hendry?  M.C. Hammer could be more responsible with $140 million, and he'd probably have much better taste in Cardinals cast-offs than you.  Why can't you throw together another back-loaded five-year deal and make this team better.

I digress.

It's not like the Cubs are going to sell out 81 games, make millions off television advertising, merchandising and concessions, and have $25 million potentially coming off the books at the end of the season when Derrek Lee and Ted Lilly hit free agency.

Oh wait, you're telling me all of the above will happen?  Well, then that changes everything doesn't it?

While the idea of playing Holliday in right field for 150 games in 2010 scares me as much as seeing Kevin Gregg or LaTroy Hawkins come into the ninth inning with a one-run lead, I would be able to find solace when Holliday steps to the plate.

I can't say the same for Ankiel, Byrd or Podsednik.

Crank that offseason plan: St. Louis Cardinals

Seeing as how the Matt Holliday OOOPS is still in everyone's mind, let's examine where the St. Louis Cardinals go from a 2009 NL Central title and a swift first round playoff exit.

Currently, the Cardinals have spots open in the rotation, third base, left field and potentially shortstop depending on if they consider Julio Lugo the starter there.

Gasp...they might even consider Brendan Ryan at shortstop as well, this is a Tony La Russa managed club after all.

As each day passes I can't really get a gauge on if it looks more and more like Holliday and fellow left fielder Jason Bay might be out of the Redbirds' price range.

Given the comparison to the 2009 payroll, in 2010 St. Louis has around $20 million to spend after a hefty raise to closer Ryan Franklin.

Technically speaking, the Cardinals are financially capable of signing either Holliday or Bay and letting starting pitcher Joel Piniero and third baseman Mark DeRosa be replaced by a pair of unknowns.

The bad news for the club is the farm system being significantly depleted with the late season additions of both DeRosa and Holliday. I'm not sure Brett Wallace, whom the Redbirds traded, would be ready to hold down third base in 2010 but he certainly figures to be the third baseman of the clear and present future for the Oakland A's.

All this being said I think it's smart baseball thinking to let Piniero and DeRosa walk in favor of adding a Holliday/Bay type in left field.

With projections for both Holliday/Bay at $18 million, we'll figure St. Louis gets at least one of them with just around $2 million left over.

Piniero had pitching coach Dave Duncan repair him into a serviceable third option in the rotation but why pay for him when he can replaced by someone else Duncan can salvage?

My ideas for the back end of the rotation include bringing back John Smoltz on an incentive-laden deal and adding Justin Duchscherer on a similar deal.

Duchscherer would greatly benefit from Duncan's tuteledge after missing the year with arm issues and struggling with depression.

As for third base? Let's keep the cheap times rolling with a hometown favorite in Joe Crede.

If Crede can pass a physical, he'd play for next to nothing on a one-year deal to prove his back can handle 120-ish games.

Bottom line here is simple: The most important part of the 2010 offseason is finding someone to protect MVP slugger Albert Pujols. Bay and Holliday both have proven they can hit NL pitching and both come with a hefty price tag.

Should the Cardinals somehow get outbid for both? Buy low on Jermaine Dye in left field, Orlando Cabrera at shortstop and Miguel Tejada at third.

Honestly, neither scenario sounds terrible, does it?

With Phat Albert leading the offense and Chris Carpenter (God willing) and Adam Wainwright staying healthy, everything points toward St. Louis challenging for the NL Central crown in 2010.

Cy Young Clusterf*ck

The way St. Louis Cardinals fans reacted after Tim Lincecum was named the NL Cy Young award winner*, you would have thought the state of Florida had just screwed him out of the United States presidency.
Yeah, the reactions were that bad.

Adam Wainwright has a legit beef with voters.  Only in America (and America's Past Time) can you get the most first place votes and not be a winner.  Mr. Wainwright, Al Gore is holding on line one prepared with a condolences speech.  Chris Carpenter, you already have a Cy Young award in your back pocket.  Go pretend as if it were a new one and rest up for 2010.

And for everyone saying that Carpenter and Wainwright were robbed.  Or that Lincecum was not deserving of the award.  You're stupid.  I know that will offend a lot of my friends who happen to be charter members of the Redbird Cheering Association, but I don't care.

It is not as if Lincecum was shit-tastic in San Francisco.  Seriously, look at his numbers.

Lincecum led the National League with 261 strikeouts and had a league-best K/9 ratio of 10.4, higher than Carpenter's 144 punchouts and 6.7 K/9 ratio.  He allowed fewer base hits per nine innings andhome runs per nine innings than Wainwright, all while having a lower WHIP.

He won 15 games -- four fewer than Wainwright and two fewer than Carpenter.

Of Lincecum's 10 no decisions, he received two runs or fewer of run support in four of those starts.  If Lincecum is backed with an offense that can some how wave less than a pageant queen, 15 wins becomes 19 wins rather quickly.

I refuse to waste my valuable time running down stats that prove Lincecum was a worthy Cy Young award winner.  If you want to blame the voters, be my guest.  Do so in the comments section and I'll agree with you 100 percent.  If you want to blame any combination of the Cardinals bats or bullpen for not getting Wainwright his 20th win down the stretch, go right ahead.  Again, do so in the comments section.

But remember this.  There is no doubt in the mind of any one with a baseball IQ that Lincecum, Wainwright and Carpenter were the three best pitchers in the National League.  Each player could make a case for winning the coveted award.  Lincecum won, Wainwright and Carpenter finished behind him.

In the end, the Giants, Cardinals and Cubs each won the same amount of playoff games in 2009.

Zero.

Life goes on.

(At what point is it OK to ask how Lincecum will celebrate?)*

BALCO Presents: Your 2010 St. Louis Cardinals

We'll get to the Bears stuff sometime tomorrow.  Until then, let's divert your attention to some baseball.

It looks as if Tony La Russa is returning to manage the St. Louis Cardinals, dashing the wet dreams of some idiot Cubs fans that prayed nightly for La Russa to leave his perch in the Redbirds dugout and travel up I-55 (along with sidekick Dave Duncan) and win a championship for the Chicago Cubs.

And in a stunning development which looks like an attempt to not be outdone by the Cubs' signing of a "superstar" scapegoat hitting coach, it looks like La Russa is bringing Mark McGwire out of hibernation with him.  Yes, that Mark McGwire.  The man who hit 583 home runs in his 16-year career and posted 1.111 OPS while with the Cardinals will be St. Louis' hitting coach for the 2010 season.

I'm not sure how McGwire, a career .217 hitter in 10 postseason series, is going to help the Cards not make Vicente Padilla and Randy Wolf look like Don Drysdale and Sandy Koufax.  However, when Skip Schumaker and Brendan Ryan each have 60 home run seasons next year, we'll know why.

Fraudtober: Where Amazingly Bad Happens (With Poll Question)

[Ed. Note: If the NBA is where amazing happens, then Fraudtober is where amazingly bad baseball happens.  It seems that every October brings a goat -- and being a Cubs fan -- I know October failure when I see it.  So after every round of playoffs, there will be a poll after the jump to see who will be named each round's OctoberFraud.  In the end, we'll take all the winners and pit them against one another.]

Matt Holliday was not the only star to fall in October.  Check out the rest of the OctoberFrauds after the jump.

Holliday's struggles are well documented.  He hit only .167 (2-for-12) in the NLDS after posting a .353/.419/.604/1.023 line in 270 plate appearances for the St. Louis Cardinals after posting  who were expected to be the National League's representative in the World Series.  His homer, one of only two dingers hit by the Cards, gave his team a 1-0 lead in Game 2.  But it was his error that opened the flood gates to a Dodgers come-from-behind win, and eventually, a sweep at the hands of the Dodgers.

But he's not the only Cardinal up for the LDS OctoberFraud award.  Teammate Joel Pineiro took to the bump for Game 3 and struggled.  After going 15-12 with a 3.49 earned run average and 1.145 WHIP, one of Dave Duncan's pet projects allowed four runs on seven hits in four innings in the Redbirds' Game 3 loss.

After winning Game 163, the Minnesota Twins were swept out of the playoffs as All-Star closer Joe Nathan was amazingly bad in his two outings.  In Game 2, Nathan allowed a game-tying two-run home run to Alex Rodriguez in what turned out to be an extra-inning loss.  He would go on to allow two more runs in the team's Game 3 loss, as well.

Nathan's numbers: 9.00 ERA, 3.00 WHIP, 1 blown save, 5 hits, 2 IP

Boston Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon was more like Papelboned... am I right?  In two innings of work, Papelbon posted an 0-1 record, 13.50 ERA, 3.00 WHIP and allowed three earned runs and four hits.  His blown save ended the Red Sox's season while sending the Angels to an ALCS showdown with the Yankees.

Let the trade rumors begin!

The only hugs Colorado Rockies closer Huston Street received might have been from Phillies fans, because for the second straight game, Street picked up the "L" as Philadelphia escaped the NLDS to set up another showdown with the Dodgers.

Street's numbers are astonishingly bad, especially for someone who converted 35 saves and notched a 3.06 ERA.  In 2.2 IP, Street allowed six hits, four earned runs and posted a 3.38 WHIP en route to failing his October test.

So, who wears the goat horns after the LDS round?

Biggest LDS OctoberFraud?

• Matt Holliday (2-for-12, 1 HR, 1 costly error)
• Joe Nathan (9.00 ERA, 3.00 WHIP, 1 blown save, 5 hits, 2 IP)
• Jonathan Papelbon (0-1, 13.50 ERA, 3.00 WHIP, 4 H, 3 ER, 1 blown save, 2 IP)
• Huston Street (0-2, 13.50 ERA, 6 H, 4 ER, 3.38 WHIP, 1 blown save, 2.2 IP)
• Joel Pineiro (0-1, 9.00 ERA, 4 IP, 4 ER, 7 H)

Created on Oct 13, 2009

View Results

poll by twiigs.com

MLB Playoffs: It's LIke Deja Vu All Over Again

I know I was supposed to be on vacation, but...

The Cardinals crashed and burned in a way that I always thought was reserved for my beloved Cubs.  They forgot how to hit.  They forgot how to field.  And Joel Pineiro returned to earth as he allowed four earned runs in four innings of work.  This from a guy who won 15 games, struck out 105 batters and posted a 3.89-to-1 strikeout-to-walk ratio and a 1.145 WHIP in a contract year.

Chicago Tribune baseball scribe Paul Sullivan (via his Twitter account) asks if Cubs fans are getting too much joy out of the Cardinals' postseason troubles.

In a word, no.  In two words, hell no.

It's almost as if the baseball Gods are righting the wrongs in baseball.  Everything Cardinals fans gave to Cubs fans last year is returning to Redbird nation.  My mother calls it karma.  I call it comedy.  Remember when the Cardinals and their patch-work 2006 team won the World Series?  How can that team be so much better than a team that won more than 90 games this season.

And to think,  Matt Holiday hit .253/.419/.604/.1.023 with 13 home runs and 55 runs batted in during his 63 game stay in St. Louis.  But unless he helps rally the troops from an 0-2 hole, he will always be remembered as a glorified Hans Moleman.

The literal crotch shot Holliday took was like the figurative one I (as well as the rest of Cubdom) took last October.  Whether it was James Loney's Game 1 homer which still haunts me today.  Or Mark DeRosa's stone hands in Game 2.  Or the overall collapse in Game 3.  That entire series was like taking a steel-toed boot to the groin over and over again.

As for the Cards,  watching the collapse via social networking couldn't have been more entertaining.

One status read: "I'm glad we traded the top player in our organization to get a guy who helps get us to the playoffs, then chokes it all up in the post season and will probably leave after it's all over. F*** YOU MATT HOLLIDAY!!!!! (AND YOU TOO RYAN FRANKLIN)"

Another: "This must. be how Cubs fans feel all the time."

And another: Dear Cardinals: I am very disappointed with you. -Me

It was like I had gone to bizarro world where hot snow falls up.  (Yes, two Simpson's references FTW!)

Via Twitter, Desipio said: So is this what it's like when other people watch the Cubs? Muahahaha!  Another status referenced players "Alfonso Holliday" and "Ryan Gregg."  Several others expressed their love for the west coast.

Heck, even Cardinals starter Adam Wainwright channeled his inner goat-blaming child, blaming the Dodgers' white towels for Holliday misplaying the ball.

The Curse of the White Towel?  Ha.  Welcome to Cubdom, Mr. Wainwright, we'll have a table for you shortly. 

What a difference a year makes.  Last year, I might as well have been literally beaten over the head, for figuratively, I was.  Via e-mail, text message, Twitter, Facebook ... I was reamed and cornholed 'till the wee hours of the next morning.

It was the kind of pain that could only be cured by heavy drinking and loose women.   Thank God I was in a college town.

Eventually, I recovered to become a normal member of society.  Whatever that's supposed to be.  And now, Cardinals fans are getting back what they gave almost a year ago.  But this time, actually getting hit in the baby-making factory.

And in the end, one text message kind of ties it all together for yours truly.

"I would like to send my sincerest apologies for the shit I gave you last postseason."

All is forgiven, my good friend.

Lackey, Holliday Go Opposite Ways In Paper Chase

Thursday was a tale of two potential free agents.
 

The Best of Times:

• John Lackey -- Lackey headlines a relatively weak starting pitchers free agent pool, but is a certified ace. He threw seven scoreless innings as he scattered four hits and struck out four in the Angels' Game 1 win against the Red Sox. Lackey is now 3-3 all time in postseason games with a 3.04 earned run average in 11 games (9 starts)

The Worst of Times:

• Matt Holliday -- The big fish the Redbirds were able to snag in the offseason hit an early home run to give the Cardinals a 1-0 lead against the Dodgers.  Somewhere, Scott Boras was calculating how many millions he could get out of a team with each hit Holliday collects in the postseason.  The problem was that the next hit Holliday would get would be to his crotch.  His outfield gaffe with two outs and no one on sparked Los Angeles' game-winning rally.  He is now 2-for-8 in the series.
  
• Ryan Franklin --  The St. Louis closer already got his money,  but do you think the Redbirds' front office is having buyers remorse right now?  Since Sept. 1, Franklin owns a 2-2 record and 6.75 ERA.  He's allowed 15 hits in 9 innings and has allowed 10 walks after allowing nine in the previous three months combined.  His 2.760 WHIP is more than three times higher than what it was in the month of June.

Why I Hate Your Playoff Baseball Team

Confession: I am a baseball nerd.  Really.  When I was younger, I found myself watching playoff baseball despite the fact that my favorite team had been eliminated from playoff contention for a good chunk of those years.

But now, after back-to-back soul crushing playoff sweeps, my favorite team failed to make the postseason altogether.  I thought about latching myself to the bandwagon of one of the remaining teams.  Upon further review, I couldn't find it within me to do it.

And this is how "Why I Hate Your Playoff Baseball Team" got started.

The longest (and arguably most offensive to those of you who take your favorite team way too seriously) post in TBDS history after the jump.


YANKEES

Everyone hates the Yankees because they are what their favorite team is not.  Honestly, if your favorite team's owner/management group went balls out to put a winner on the field, how would you feel?  Whether it be through the minor league system or buying the open market's best player, if the Cubs did that, I would be happier than Derek Jeter on ladies night.

Speaking of which, screw you Jeter.  My one hope in life is to date one girl that is out of my league.  However, I can't because they're all swooning over you. His dating resume includes Jessica Biel, Minka Kelly, Mariah Carey and others.  Then there was this experiment with a college girl.  I have enough trouble dating girls my own age, Jeets, there's no reason to be dipping into my pool.

The One Thing I Like:  With all that said, I'd kill to be Jeter's wing man.  His sloppy seconds and rejects are 10s.  I'm down with OPP.

RED SOX

When I was younger, I used to like the Red Sox.  They were my "other" team.  My godfather played for the BoSox from 1989 'til 1993.  He always hooked me up with tickets and it was flippin' sweet.  I got autographed balls from Mike Greenwell, Mo Vaughn, Roger Clemens, Eric Wedge -- all those guys.  Heck, I got to meet Wedge and others one time when he was Cleveland's first base coach.

Those memories are gone, replaced with this story.

I went to a Cubs-Red Sox game in 2005 at Wrigley Field and hit it off with an attractive young lady.  A baseball fan with a passion for the game and the willingness to buy a then underaged Cubs fan a beer or two.  Then I told a funny joke.  A rarity still in this day and age ... she laughed ... and sounded like Peter Griffin.

Un.  Attractive.

We went our separate ways.  I wanted no part of that.  She's ruined Boston fans until I go to Boston and need a place to shack up.  I guess I could always hang out with Tom Brady.

The One Thing I Like: See first graph.

ANGELS

I'd be a terrible person if I wrote bad things about the Angels after the tragedy that struck them this year.  So I'll be kind.  Sorta.

I hate that you have baseball's best manager, Mike Scioscia.  He's awesome.  I hate that you reload, rather than rebuild.  I hate that you beat Dusty Baker in the World Series in 2002.  The loss cemented the end of Dusty's stay in San Francisco and began his run in Chicago, where he would go on to ruin the perfectly good arms of Mark Prior and Kerry Wood.  His effect has also touched the careers of Matt Clement and has started to do so for Carlos Zambrano as well.

The One Thing I Like: Vlad.  VladGuerrero's style at the plate encapsulates my collegiate dating career.  Swing hard and hope you make contact.  However, Vlad's been a little more successful with his style.

Then there was this...

TWINS

I was ready to write this about the Tigers, but I've got my fair share of beef with the Twinkies.

First of all, thanks for Andy MacPhail you asshole pricks.  Thanks a f****** lot.  Never have I met such an egomaniacal baseball jerkwad.  Never.  That includes every Philly, Yankee, Red Sox, Cardinal, Bradley Braves fan I've ever met and despised.  A member of the lucky sperm club, MacFail was the sonofabitch whose 5 year plan didn't hatch a playoff team until 1998, and a division champion until 2003.

Then there's that whole cheaping out for Joe Mauer thing.  Mauer would look mighty fine in a Cubs uniform right now.  You know, that left-handed run producer Jim Hendry craves more than three dozen freshly baked jelly donuts.

The One Thing I Like: Oh yeah, and Favre can go to hell too.  Oh, this is where I say something nice.  Joe Mauer is a bad ass.  So is Joe Nathan.  If Mauer doesn't win AL MVP, someone should piss in the cereal of the baseball writers who voted for someone else.

PHILLIES

Philadelphia is looking to win its second straight World Series.  It won't.  Brad Lidge sucks and if he gets into the game, every other pitch he throws is going to end up putting another crater on the moon.  If the Phils somehow meet the Cardinals in the NLCS, they might have to put Lidge in the witness protection program.

Overall Philly isn't that terrible.  It's the place that helped raise The Fresh Prince, DJ Jazzy Jeff and Kobe Bryant.  On the other hand, it's the same town that throws batteries at Santa Claus when they don't get what they want for Christmas.

And you thought Jay Cutler was a whiny bitch.

The One Thing I Like:  Ryan Howard.  I drafted Howard in my fantasy league and traded him at the All-Star break for Alex Rodriguez.  In the second half, A-Rod hit .310/.394/.518/.912 with 13 homers, 50 RBIs and 11 steals en route to a fantasy title.  Howard performed well, but my third baseman prior to that trade was Mark Teahen.

ROCKIES

As a Cubs fan, I'd like to thank the Rockies for Don Baylor.  Not.  Don Baylor sucked.  He was a terrible manager who promised free agent hitters would come in droves to Chicago.  And the best we got was Moises Alou, who absolutely tanked in his only year under Baylor.

Then there's the Jason Marquis factor.  Did you know every team Marquis has pitched for has made the playoffs.  He's Dave Kaplan and Steve Stone's golden boy, despite the fact that neither of them were crying a river of Cubbie blue tears when he was shipped out west.

In total, Colorado sucks for many other reasons.  It's cold.  Who wants to play baseball in the snow?  No one with a brain.  Your big tourist attraction is skiing in mountains.  The only thing that would be as dangerous would be if Florida tried to sell vacation plans in which tourists would hang out in the swamps with gators not named Tim Tebow.

The One Thing I Like:  Thanks for Jeff Baker, pricks.

DODGERS

The Dodgers are lucky to even have a baseball team.  Their fans are a joke.  They come early and leave early.  They have a rich history, most of which revolves around the team's Brooklyn roots.  Oh, and the entire NL West can screw itself.  Two transplanted New York teams, two expansion teams and a team that had to build its ballpark so it wouldn't get crushed by one player that retired three years after the damn thing opened.

Back to the Dodgers.  They're blessed with one of baseball's best minor league systems, hence the team's young and talented roster.  They also have Alyssa Milano who is absolutely smoking hot.  And she's only a fan because her daddy was a Brooklyn Dodgers fan.  I would give up five Wrigley Field bleacher babes for one night with Alyssa Milano.  And that is after taking into consideration she's been in more major league clubhouses than Milton Bradley.

Also, it was the Dodgers' sweep of the Cubs that sent me into a heavy drinking binge last October.  Like, heavy.  I mean, cashing a bottle of Jack Daniels and a case of Miller Lite and waking up wishing I hadn't, kind of binge.

One Thing I LIke:  Vin Scully.  He's the sh*t.  The best announcer in any sport, ever.  Better than Marv Albert.  Better than Joe Buck.  Better than Jack Buck.  Better than Harry Caray.  Vin Scully is the Jay-Z of broadcasters.  I'd go out of my way to listen to Scully.  It's too bad Dodgers fans or too much of uberdouches to realize they are blessed with greatness.

CARDINALS

What can I say about the Cardinals that hasn't already been said about herpes, chlamydia or genital warts?  I would rather see eight more years of George W. Bush running this country than see one more St. Louis championship.

Mark DeRosa will make his third straight playoff appearance and is bound to break the hearts of Cardinals fans just as he did Cub fans, right?  He was the man who turned a 3-1 count with the bases loaded against Livan Hernandez into an inning-ending, rally-ending double play.  He was the man who couldn't handle what should have been an inning ending double play ball against the Dodgers last year as L.A. completed the sweep.

Yet, women love him ... why?  Because of his stubble.  F*** his stubble.  If that's all they loved, I would have been knee deep in 20something college co-eds since I was 12.  Go choke, DeRosa.  History tells me you will.

One Thing I Like: I know a pretty girl that happens to be a Cardinals fan.  A.  Pretty.  Girl.

At least I'll always have this to keep me warm at night.

St. Louis Might Not Be Big Enough For A Pro Hoops Team, But Is Apparently Big Enough To Bring The Brewers

With the Cardinals being an obscure American baseball team and all, it comes to no surprise that St. Louis imported itself a new baseball team according to the Chicago Sun-Times. 

Consider This Before You Beg For The Cubs To Bring Back Mark DeRosa

Did I call it or did I call it?  Sometimes the media is so damn predictable.

Talking to Cubs fans about Mark DeRosa is like talking to your best friend about his ex-girlfriend who recently dumped him.  But instead of going out and hearing, "I remember when Lisa and I used to go here, we used to order..." you hear something to the extent of, "Waaah! DeRo should have never left!" before said fan curls up in the fetal position and continues to cry the night away.

I really didn't have to write this, but I thought it would be a good start to help you guys get over your romance with DeRosa.  Here are seven things no one has the heart or guts to tell you about this whole ordeal.


1.  .230/.298/.403/.701.  Look at these numbers and tell me you want to give a multi-year deal to someone with these slash stats.  C'mon, I dare ya.  If the name "Mark DeRosa" was not attached to these numbers, there would not be a Cubs fan in America that would want to bring those kinds of numbers and put him at second base, right field, or anywhere on the field on a daily basis.

2.  Jeff Baker > Mark DeRosa.  There, I said it.  This one's gonna start a shitstorm, but it's OK, I've got my umbrella.  As mentioned above, DeRosa has posted a .230/.298/.403/.701 line in 57 games since joining the Cardinals.  In his 56 games with the Cubs Baker has posted a .327/.382/.464/.846 line.  Baker has clearly outperformed DeRosa in about the same number of games.  For what it's worth, DeRosa made $5.5 million in 2009 while Baker only made $415,000.  Less money, more production, at a younger age.

3. DeRosa does not deserve a long-term deal, but will be looking for one anyway.  Speaking of money, the biggest complaint from Cubs fans is that the team needs to dump some of its older players who have a lot of money and a lot of years left on their deals.  Signing DeRosa would absolutely defeat that purpose.  He will likely be seeking a multi-million dollar, multi-year deal.  There is no way I can defend the signing of a 35-year-old utility guy whose numbers will go down before they go up again.

4. Trading Milton Bradley will be much more difficult than you think.  This is Major League Baseball, not MLB The Show.  Jim Hendry won't be dealing with artificial intelligence and computer simulation and that's what will make this deal hard.  Hendry will need to find a taker that is willing to take on a big ego and a big contract.  $20 million over two years for a corner outfielder/designated hitter with a .884 OPS over the last four seasons is only hard because Bradley has burned more bridges than he's built.  Teams are very aware of this situation and are asking themselves why would the Cubs want to trade a player with a career OPS of .812.
 
5.  Cool, so what about replacing Bradley's production?  Alright, the Cubs have brought back Mark DeRosa, are you happy?  Assuming he reverts to 2008 form and plays second base everyday, the Cubs still have a gaping hole in right field.  Unfortunatley, I'm not sure any team will agree to the new ground rules of right field being out like it was when we were Little Leaguers.

6.  A Jake Fox/Micah Hoffpauir platoon is not the answer.  Take note that Fox has started only four of the Cubs' 11 games in September.  As for Hoffpauir, well, his production has dipped since his torrid start.  The "Hoff" owns a .175/.234/.356/.590 since May 1.  Fox should be the Cubs' No. 1 option off the bench, and Hoffpauir should start preparing that speech for his eventual induction into the Minor League Hall of Fame/

7.  What about the Cubs' real problems.  If the Cubs want to bring back DeRosa, that's on them.  But before they do so, they should prioritize what they need.  The team's needs are as follows:

• Speed
• On-base percentage
  
• Bullpen help
• Power-hitting outfielder

Chone Figgins is a must-have for the 2010 Cubs because he has speed (42 steals), on-base percentage (.398) and versatility (plays 2B/3B/OF).  Scott Podsednik looks like the odd-man-out on the South Side, and putting him in center field could help the Cubs rebound in the stolen base department where they rank dead last.

With guys like Kevin Gregg, Aaron Heilman and Neal Cotts gone, the Cubs need to re-load their bullpen.  Carlos Marmol is the player with the least number of concerns -- and that's saying a lot considering his wildness in 2009.  John Grabow's return would help, but concerns still surround the rest of the pen.  Angel Guzman's recurring arm troubles, Jeff Samardzija's inability to locate the plate and Esmailin Caridad's lack of experience make the bullpen puzzle look blurrier than the road after a few drinks with Tony La Russa.

Then there's the annual what do we do with this lefty swingman routine.  Good news for Lou Piniella is that he has two to choose from with Sean Marshall and Tom Gorzelanny looking to pitch themselves onto the 25-man roster.

Finally, finding the elusive power-hitting corner outfielder might be the Cubs' biggest offseason challenge.  Matt Holliday and Jason Bay are answers, but neither play right field and both will require lengthy and expensive contracts.  Bobby Abreu has only one more home run than Bradley, but has the RBIs, stolen bases, extra-base hits, OBP, OPS and everything else Bradley does not have.  There is an argument for the Cubs to sign Abreu, and we'll get to that Wednesday when the Cubs' free agent Target Practice feature premiers.

However, Abreu will be 36 when next season starts and you've got to wonder at what point Abreu's age will start to catch up with him.  It would be a shame if the Cubs committed more money and more years to a team that will resemble the San Francisco Giants of the early-to-mid 2000s. 

In the end, Mark DeRosa plays for the Cardinals ... and the Cardinals want to offer him an extension.  And if they feel like giving a guy who makes fans pine for the return of a healthy Troy Glaus an extension, it's fine by me.

It's not like DeRo The Hero is Ryne Sandberg or anything.

Is Dave Duncan Really The Answer?

Dave Duncan is a man's man.  He has cured the world of illness, brought global and universal peace, saved the United States economy and rescued kitties from trees.

OK, he hasn't done any of that.  But by some of the things people are writing about him, you would be surprised to hear that he has yet to accomplish any of those things.  For what it's worth, Duncan is an excellent pitching coach -- so much so that some say that he would be a first-ballot Hall of Famer if there was such a distinction for pitching coaches.

The much-maligned (and deservedly so) David Kaplan and the well-respected Bob Verdi have both made the pitch for the new Cubs regime to bring Duncan to cure what ails the Cubs' pitching staff.

But is it worth it?

Larry Rothschild does not deserve as much heat as he has gotten since becoming the Cubs' pitching coach way back in 2001 when Don Baylor stepped in.  This season, the starting rotation ranks in the top five in quality starts, earned run average, strikeouts and hits-allowed-per-nine innings.  Oh, and they just miss the cut in WHIP ranking sixth.

Cubs fans find Rothschild an easy target for blame despite the fact that he can not be blamed for the following:

• Ruining the prized arms of Mark Prior & Kerry Wood.
• The Kevin Gregg experiment. He sucked before coming to the Cubs and he'll suck some more once he's gone.
• Rich Harden's inability to go into the eighth and ninth innings. He didn't do it in Oakland, he isn't doing it here.
• Neal Cotts.  (See: reasoning behind the suckfest that is Gregg, Kevin)

So, what has Rothschild done?  For starters, he has helped Cub pitchers develop and execute their strikeout pitches.  The Cubs have ranked in the top 5 in punch outs since Rothschild's debut.  And when you have the cavalcade of defensive suck the Cubs have trotted out to the Wrigley Field pasture.  You can't blame a guy for wanting his pitchers to pitch away from the team's weakness.  He's nurtured Carlos Marmol and Angel Guzman into steady relievers, just as he did with Kerry Wood.  He helped turn Ryan Dempster from below average reliever to above average starter.

Cubs fans, don't get it twisted.  If Dave Duncan does come to Chicago, he's not bringing Albert Pujols, Matt Holiday or your beloved Mark DeRosa with him.  And thanks to the state tax increase on liquor, it's very unlikely Tony La Russa will want to follow him to Chicago.

Duncan has worked wonders with career journeymen such as Joel Pineiro and Ryan Franklin, which is why Cubs fans wet themselves trying to imagine what Duncan could do with a pitching staff with $43 million worth of a returning starting rotation.  Could he corral Big Z's emotions?  Find some consistency in Dempster?  Push Harden past the seventh?

Who knows.  He sure as hell won't help Alfonso Soriano catch a fly ball.  Nor will he help Kosuke Fukudome from swinging at a ball in the dirt.  And despite the magic he worked in St. Louis, he doesn't have anything in his magical cabinet that will help Aaron Miles, Ryan Theriot or Mike Fontenot grow up into big boys.

What I do know is that Duncan would have to be a fool to leave a first-place team for a struggling division rival, no matter how mad he is at the Cardinals for demoting, then trading his son.

And if Cubs fans are wearing thin on the primadonna acts of Zambrano and Milton Bradley, how will Cubs fans embrace a guy who threw a hissy fit because Ozzie Guillen sent a purpose pitch toward Lil' Chris Duncan.

Be careful what you wish for, Cubs fans.

Cubs, Cards Deserve Better Than This

You couldn't have scripted it any better if you tried.  The St. Louis Cardinals and Chicago Cubs entering a mid-September weekend set in St. Louis sitting first and second respectively in the National League Central.

Apparently, the Cubs didn't read the script.

Simply stated: the Cubs have been exposed as frauds.  No wonder the Yankees-Red Sox series continues to get whored out by network executives.  The Cubs will send Ted Lilly, Ryan Dempster and Carlos Zambrano to the bump while the Cardinals counter with John Smoltz, Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright.  On paper, it's must-see-baseball-TV.

Instead, I can almost guarantee the following stories will be written:

• How much the Cubs miss Mark DeRosa and his .233/.303/.402/.705 line since joining the Cardinals.
• Why the Cubs should fire Larry Rothschild and replace him with Dave Duncan...
• ...and Tony La Russa should join him.
• Fantasy scenarios of how Duncan can cure cancer, save the economy and teach Rich Harden how to pitch past the 7th inning.

That is all this series will come down to.  Salvaging a series win would make the Cubs 7-9 against the Cardinals, marking the first time the baby bears have lost a season set to the birds on the bat since the Dusty Baker Era.  A series sweep by the Cubs would tie the series at 8-8.  And ties are like kissing your sister.  At least, that's what I've been told.  I'm an only child, so I have no idea what that whole deal is about.

Sorry to bare the bad news and disappoint.  Maybe I'll write a better Cubs-Cards preview blog next year.

  

Photo via

Cubs, Cards & Aces From A(dam) to (Big) Z

Chicago Tribune blogumnist Steve Rosenbloom is absolutely correct.  Adam Wainwright, not Carlos Zambrano, is pitching like someone worth $18 million per year.

However, Rosenbloom is completely off base with his comparison.

Comparing Wainwright and Big Z is like comparing the a street baller and a prep school player.

Consider this.


Wainwright and Zambrano are the same age, yet Big Z has a head start of four seasons and 89 starts.  So, why is Wainwright outperforming Zambrano?  It all comes down to preparation.

Waino (seriously, one of the weakest nicknames in baseball) was drafted in 2000 and spent a good chunk of his developmental years in the Atlanta Braves organization.  Yes, the same organization that developed John Smoltz and Tom Glavine.  After being traded to the St. Louis Cardinals, Wainwright learned under the watchful eye of Dave Duncan.  The Cards' pitching coach has saved more arms than Barry Bonds' hardware and has extended more careers than HGH.

Wainwright's steady career path mirrors one of a student who enrolled into Harvard, then transferred to M.I.T.  Zambrano's career path is something like a JUCO transfer who bounces from team-to-team looking for a place to fit.

Zambrano was signed by the Cubs organization in 1997 out of Venezuela at the age of 16.  At that point, Wainwright was just receiving his drivers license and mackin' on high school girls in his mom's station wagon in search of a prom date.

As for Zambrano's mentors ... um ... Larry Rothschild?  Dusty Baker?  That's like learning strip club etiquette from Pacman Jones.

The Cards brought Wainwright slowly through the ranks, starting him as a reliever before converting him into a full-time starter.

Over the last three years, Wainwright has posted a 43-22 record and 3.16 earned run average over the last three years.  Zambrano is 40-25 in the same time span with a 3.87 ERA.

And while Wainwright holds the edge this season, something must be said for Zambrano, who has made at least 31 starts since the 2003 season and 193 overall.  The 2009 season marks Big Z's first injury marred campaign, while Wainwright already had his own disabled list issues in 2008 thanks to a busted finger.

If Wainwright can start 30 games per year over the next six years, throw 1,264 innings, then I'll give him the props he deserves.

But if you want to crown him, well, crown his ass!

While The Cubs Continue Their Collapse, Matt Holliday Thinks He Just Might Stay Awhile

Matt Holliday could become a permanent fixture behind Albert Pujols. No homo(?)

I'm not sure why anyone would want to stay in St. Louis for an extended amount of time.  The city itself is really nothing to write home about after you get outside of the Arch, the riverboat and the sport complexes.  Unless, of course, you're writing home in search of an escape route.

But here's Matt Holliday in St. Louis, turning into the MVP candidate Billy Beane thought he'd be in Oakland.

Since becoming Albert Pujols' muscle man (pause), Holliday has been nothing short of spectacular.  He's posted a .386/.448/.667/1.114 line across the board.  Those are classic Holliday-in-Colorado numbers.  So, I guess there's no surprise that No. 15 wants to return to bat behind No. 5.

Via St. Louis radio station The Team:

"That would be really exciting for me to get a chance to be here and play next to Albert (Pujols) along with the rest of these guys and to do some special things over the next however many years. Hopefully this will be a long-term relationship."

Remember when Jim Hendry said he didn't need to make a counter move.  He was wrong.  I knew it then.  And hopefully, he knows it now.

If Hendry doesn't re-tool this mess, I won't be alone in bypassing the 2010 Cubs.

And if all else fails, at least this true Chicagoan can take solace that his city has a professional basketball team and a downtown area it can be proud of.

H/T: MLBTR

TBDS Late Night Returns To Present: The Sky Is Falling Over Wrigleyville...

She'll make everything feel better, won't she? (via this site)

Call your friends. Call your neighbors. Call your parents. Call your sons and daughters, too. Heck, give them that child support check you've been meaning to give them for the last 18 years.

The Chicago Cubs are down 6-0 to the Colorado Rockies and are in danger of falling three (!) games behind the NL Central leading St. Louis Cardinals.

It's time to board up the house, stock up on canned goods and bottled water. Let's go hunker down in the basement until the coast is clear.

Cubs fans, allow me to be the voice of reason that is dying to escape your soul but instead gets intimidated by tales of goats, black cats and fans wearing headphones.

Of the next 20 games the Cubs will play, 13 will come against teams that are under .500. Want another lucky 13 you superstitious sonsofbitches? The Cubs will play 13 home games in that span, 10 of which will come against teams that are below the break-even point as of press time.

When September rolls around, 11 of the first 12 games the Cubs will play will be against the Astros, Mets, Pirates and Reds. Each of those teams ... you guessed it ... below the .500 mark.

In 2007, the Cubs were 8.5 games behind first place Milwaukee on June 23. They also had a season-long seven-game losing streak from May 27 to June 2.

Cubs fans, you act like you haven't seen your team with their backs against the wall. You also act like the 1927 Yankees are ahead of you. Contrary to popular belief, Albert Pujols is human. So is Matt Holliday. As is Adam Wainwright, Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright.

And it's not like Tony LaRussa hasn't ever made a mistake in his life. Ever.

Young scribe SalukiOrphan detailed five reasons why the Cardinals would win the NL Central. He made good points until:

The Cardinals have one of the most storied histories in Major League Baseball. They have 10 World Series Titles (would be 11 if not for Don Denkinger), most in National League history and second only to the New York Yankees, who have 26. The Cubs have a lot of history as well, unfortunately for them most of it goes against their favor. Chicago has been brought down with everything from goats to cats to guys named Bartman. The Cardinals also have 17 NL pennants and 10 division titles (seven NL Central, three NL East), while the cubs have 16 NL pennants (none since 1945) and five division titles (three NL Central, two NL East).

Not sure what the past has to do with the 2009 season. But if that is helping make decisions and projections around here, then by that logic, I like the Cubs' chances (19,870 wins in franchise history) more than I like the Cardinals' (19,464).

But it's not about that. See, that little nugget section is a little sample of hypocrisy.

See, the SalukiOrphan rails on the Cubs and their fans for using the team's past an excuse for its failures. Yet, conveniently, the Orphan uses it to show why the Cards will win the division. I guess I shouldn't expect anything more than lazy blogging from a Cardinals fan. That's the kind of lazy blogging that grinds my gears. Especially when it is coming from the same fan base that will lustily boo Manny "The Cheater" Ramirez, but then will give a slurping standing ovation to Rick Ankiel and Ryan Franklin.

My fellow Cubs fans, it's time to take a chill pill. Everything is gonna be OK. More tomorrow on Jay Mariotti, The List and another NFL Preview. Go to sleep now, kiddies. The sun will rise tomorrow.

Statistical Analysis Of The Matt Holliday Trade To The St. Louis Cardinals

Stat Boy says Matt Holliday will love hitting against the NL Central's best.

Good afternoon, folks. Had to wake Stat Boy up from his hangover nap with the news that the St. Louis Cardinals acquired Matt Holliday from the Oakland A's. As usual, Stat Boy has got some good news if you happen to support the Cardinals ... and bad news if you happen to support one of the other National League Central Division contenders.

Take it away, Stat Boy.

I wouldn't be surprised to see Redbird Nation up in arms despite acquiring Matt Holliday. St. Louis is acquiring a career .315 hitter, a three-time All-Star and would have been the 2007 NL MVP had Jimmy Rollins not stolen it from him. However, GM John Mozeliak is paying Billy Beane a hefty price with hot-shot third base prospect Brett Wallace, highly touted right-handed pitcher Clayton Moretnsen and outfielder Shane Peterson.

When it comes to trades with Beane and Oakland, I'd be remiss if I didn't give a buyer beware notice because of the last time these two hooked up for a big trade.

But I'm not here to re-ignite a burning sensation you should probably see a doctor for. Instead, I come to bring St. Louis fans a little bit of good news and the rest of the division some really bad news.

The common misconception is that Holliday can't hit outside of hitters haven Coors Field because he was allergic to gray road uniforms. Apparently, that doesn't count toward NL Central teams, especially the contenders.

• Against the Milwaukee Brewers, Holliday owns a 1.082 OPS with 5 HRs and 13 RBIs, with three of the five dingers coming at Miller Park where he owns a .928 OPS.
• Against the Houston Astros, he owns a .989 OPS and will challenge Albert Pujols for longest home run in Minute Maid history if he gets to face a flat Brad Lidge slider.
• Against the Chicago Cubs, Holliday OPSes .856 ... but his number surprisingly slip to .652 at Wrigley Field. Probably distracted by this particular bleacher babe.

Interesting to note that the team Holliday OPSes the highest against is, in fact, the St. Louis Cardinals, where he owns a career 1.225 against the Redbirds.

Want more numbers? Of course you do.

He batted .394 with a .475 on-base percentage while slugging .750. I'm sure Cardinals fans are glad Chris Carpenter, Adam Wainwright and Ryan Franklin don't have to face that anymore.

Then there are Holliday's numbers at Busch Stadium II. I'll acknowledge the small sample size, but even Don Denkinger can see .385/.478/.872/1.350 is impressive. Not to mention the five homers in 46 career plate appearances.

When the going gets tough, Holliday seems to get going with a .305 career batting average after the seventh inning to go along with 38 homers and 142 runs batted in.

Truth be told (as pointed out by Hire Jim Essian), Holliday's bat is, in essence, a replacement for the 30 homer 100 ribbie year expected out of Troy Glaus at the hot corner. But more than that, adding Holliday shows that the Cardinals will not settle to be just "one of the guys" in the race.

This trade means they're for real.

Whatever that means

News, Notes, Quotes & More From This Weekend In Chicago Cubs Baseball

Big day of blogging at TBDS tomorrow. But in the meantime, this should hold you over.

News

• You would not believe how hard it is to get rid of a Cubs-Cardinals ticket at Wrigley Field.
  
• I had three Cardinals fans say "yes" only to cancel on me before the game. Baseball's best most unreliable fans.
  

Notes

• Tony LaRussa flip-flopped his Friday and Saturday starters to tick me off, knowing I would be at Friday's game. My idea of payback? LaRussa drunk jokes on the hour every hour.
  
• If Cubs and Cards fans had a "douche-off" real fans of both teams would win. Some people just shouldn't be allowed in a ballpark
  

Quotes

• Question posed to me on Friday: "Why isn't (Micah Hoffpauir) playing more?" Answer from me: "Because he's batting .242."
  
• "Alright, we've got 8 points." -grown woman Cardinals fan. Even a real Cards fan next to me was disappointed.
  

More to come tomorrow.

DeRo Shall No Longer Be Your Hero, He's A Cardinal Now

Consider this to be my warning shot to Cubdom.

Mark DeRosa was a pretty good ballplayer in Chicago. He wasn't great. He was good. He hit 31 homers, drove in 159 runs, hit .289, on-based 373, slugged .451 and OPSed .824 primarily as a second baseman while dabbling at first, short, third, right and left in his two year reign in Chicago.

When he was traded, Cubs fans were outraged and that was understandable. Replacing Mark DeRosa with Aaron Miles is like replacing a reliable Honda Civic for a Yugo. And when DeRosa returned to Chicago, the Wrigley faithful gave him a standing ovation. Again. And again. And again.

Personally, I don't want to see that again. He's a Cardinal now. It's time to get over it.

Cubs fans slurped DeRosa so hard in his return, you would have thought they were erecting his statue next to Ernie Banks or retiring his number alongside Ernie, Billy Williams, Greg Maddux, Fergie Jenkins and Ron Santo.

Cubs fans, look at that dreaded sign over the right field bleachers. Your team hasn't won a World Series in 100 years and hasn't even squared off agaisnt an American League team in October since 1945. DeRosa didn't change that. There's no reason to treat him like he did.

Now the Cardinals have DeRosa and Chicago is up in arms. Milton Bradley has been bad and you can apparently add manager Lou Piniella to the list of people trying to bring him down. Ryan Dempster's glove trick is not apparently tricking anyone anymore

The Cards getting DeRosa is like watching your girlfriend leave town for her new job, only to return to be dating your slack-jawed cousin who believes Larry The Cable Guy is the funniest man in the history of comedy.

Meanwhile, your new special lady friend, who started off as cute, but tempermental, has been unable to step out of the buffet line since the day you started dating. And yet, the girl is still one weight watchers meal away from being able to seen holding hands with her again.

The Cubs are only 3.5 games out of first place, and that is fine and dandy. But Cubs fans, if you want to be angry, re-direct your anger, torches and pitchforks to the office of Jim Hendry. It was Hendry who failed to replace DeRosa's production at second base. It was Hendry who insisted on signing Bradley and re-signing Dempster. It was Hendry who failed to replentish a bullpen that has been flat-out full of bullsh*t.

As for the most beloved ex-Cub in team history, he'll get his second first-shot against his former North Side pals on July 10 at Wrigley Field, a game the TBDS staff will be in attendance at.

Funny how things work sometimes.

Cubs-Cards Round III Game III: At Least I'm Not The Only One That's Pissed Off Edition

The weather isn't the only thing heating up in the Midwest. Someone check Cubs manager Lou Piniella's temperature, because I'm pretty sure Mount Piniella is about to erupt.

Apparently, prior to being "razzled" by some St. Louisans on his lonely walk back to the Hilton at the Ballpark which is a stone's throw from the new Busch Stadium, Piniella had an unpleasant conversation with the team's traveling secratary. (For the record, you can find stones at the landfill that is supposed to be Ballpark Village if you'd like. I digress.)

Sweet Uncle Lou does this from time-to-time to deflect some eyes, ears and thoughts away from the team when they're playing bad. But a rift with the traveling secretary should be the least of the team's concerns.

And I know it's three hours til game time, so here are a list of things that should be concerning Piniella:

1. Milton Bradley's .193 batting average
2. The Mini-Me Midget Committee at third base
3. The fact that Aaron Miles and Kevin Gregg are still on the roster
4. Rich Harden's (lack of) velocity
5. The after-effects of eating a large Imo's pizza

No. 6 on that list would be Adam "Jesus" Wainwright, who is due for a breakout game ... unfortunately for Cubs fans, his next start is against the boys in blue.

Prediction: Wainwright's good for seven shutout innings as the Cards complete the sweep.

Now That! Is What I call Pessimism, Vol. 100.