The Good, Bad & Ugly: Bears Hire Mike Martz

Under the dome in St. Louis, it was called The Greatest Show On Turf.  So, what will they call it once it hits Soldier Field? 

The Greatest Show On Sod?

In the end, the Chicago Bears finally hired Mike Martz as offensive coordinator, putting an end to a four-week circus that saw the Bears get turned down more times than the pimply faced nerd searching for a prom date. 

Eventually, the acne-challenged child (Lovie Smith) found the chick  who was really hot before she got coked out (Martz) in what will likely spawn the beginning of a new era or the beginning of the end of this era.

Let's break it down, shall we?

THE GOOD
Kurt Warner went from bagging groceries to bagging touchdowns, and fantasy football players went on to bag bragging rights and championship games.  He got the most out of Marshall Faulk and a lot out of Steven Jackson.  Everyone knows what Martz did in St. Louis, so let's focus on some recent history.

The biggest positive in hiring Martz is that unlike Ron Turner, the man who will be at the controls in 2010 has coordinated an offense that has been productive in this century.  Turner's archaic playbook was a drag on offense, and to be honest, it would be nice to see Jay Cutler's receivers run routes at the first down chains on third down rather than seeing bubble screens get blown up for a four-yard loss on 3rd-and-15.

Martz has also been known for quick turnarounds, which is something Bears fans are kind of used to.  At least I got used to seeing Bears running backs get turned around for losses.  But I guess that's what happens when a draw play is called on 3rd-and-11. 

In 2006, Martz turned Jon Kitna's age 34 season into a 4,000-yard campaign in his first year in Detroit.  One year later, Martz's offense really clicked through eight weeks as the Lions posted a 6-2 record in the season's first half.  Eventually, the wheels fell off, but it all can't be put on Detroit's offense as the defense was lit up down the stretch.

But it's hard to play defense when Matt Millen continues to draft wide receiver after wide receiver in the NFL draft.

If Martz can make the Lions offense look like a legitimate professional offense, I imagine he could work wonders with the jokers Jerry Angelo has drafted.

THE BAD
Mike Martz offenses have oftentimes forgotten about the use of tight ends, which of course was the Bears' offense's msot prolific weapon.

Which means if you were given a Greg Olsen jersey for Christmas, cherish it, for it might be the last time you see it for a while because it might not be seeing much time on the field.

Granted, without looking it up on Google, do you even know who the Rams' tight ends were during the glory years?  Probably not.  I'll admit that I can't.  I can tell you St. Louis had Isaac Bruce as a legit No. 1 threat.  Then they had Torry Holt, who would have been a No. 1 option on almost any other team, as a No. 2 option.  Az Hakim was an excellent kick/punt returner Martz was able to get the ball to in the open field.

The Bears have that guy in Devin Hester.  The catch?  Chicago expects him to be Bruce or Holt, when he's really just another Az Hakim.

THE UGLY
With the addition of Martz as offensive coordinator and Mike Tice as offensive line coach, the Bears have three former NFL head coaches working under Lovie Smith.  In most cases, I would consider that to be a good thing.

However, the three combined to go 95-103 in 14 total seasons as NFL head coaches.  Martz (53-32) was clearly the most successful while Tice was a mediocre 32-33 with the Minnesota Vikings and Marinelli was downright awful with a 10-38 record with the Detroit Lions.

In other words, the Bears have spent the last two offseasons hiring the outcasts of division rivals whose coaching success ranges from "Meh" to "Cutlerfucked" on the Luda scale of coaching success.

I guess they'll fit in just fine.

TBDS Returns: Favre, Bears, Bulls, Salukis & Everything We Missed

At the suggestion of reader/friend James Durbin, Sophia Bush is here to welcome you back to The Big Dead Sidebar.

Seeing TBDS at full strength for the first time in four days made me very happy. 

The only thing that could have made me happier involves a bottle of fine wine and a girl named Jill.

I digress.  I've missed out on a lot of stuff over the last four days.

See, I've been busy at the real job and I've barely had time to eat, sleep and flirt with girls that are totally out of my league.  So diagnosing our online problems has been the least of my concerns.

But it looks like everything is back to normal.  And here we are on a Tuesday evening thinking this would be a great time to catch up with what's been on our minds.

Did you really think Brett Favre wasn't going to cost the Minnesota Vikings a chance to go to the Super Bowl?

After posting a career best 33-7 touchdown-to-interception ratio in the regular season, it was a matter of when, not if, Favre would revert to his gunslinger ways at the most inopportune time.  Favre channeled his inner Jay Cutler as he rolled right and threw left when he could have easily scampered for a few yards and a positive gain.

And even though the loss cannot solely be pinned on Favre as his teammates, namely Adrian "Butterfingers" Peterson, it was Favre's last-second gaffe that will always stand out in that game.

There is no taking away from No. 4's legacy.  Favre is one of the 10 best quarterbacks in the history of the game, but upon Sunday's defeat, I was ready to let him go.  Completely.  The circus act has become weary in each of the past three offseasons, and while he brings no more drama than any other professional athlete, it is the way it comes about that is bothersome. 

The Green Bay Packers altered the way they went about the draft process to keep Favre and his ego happy before finally getting Aaron Rodgers as a steal in the 2005 NFL Draft with the 24th overall pick.  In 2008, only a few months after retiring, asked for his unconditional release. 

Yeah, like that was going to happen. 

The only GM dumb enough to give one of the league's best quarterbacks his unconditional release because he didn't want to compete for a job resides at 1060 West Addison and is currently drawing up a contract worth a guaranteed $21 million and a full no-trade clause for the next five people who come to him with an agent, a surgically-repaired elbow or shoulder and a track record of failure.

No one will ever deny Favre's greatness.  But if he keeps this up, people will remember the INTs that ended his time with the Packers, Jets and (possibly) Vikings more than the highlights of his 19-year career.

There might come a time when Ron Turner is the best candidate to become the Bears next offensive coordinator.

Is it too early to consider this offseason a failure?

The Bears keep getting turned down, most recently by Hue Jackson, who will reportedly take a job in Oakland, where he could get fired tomorrow.  At least he would last a year under Jerry Angelo and Lovie Smith.  The sad thing is that I don't necessarily blame anyone if they don't want to take this job.

Would you consider taking a job from an employer who told you the company might go under a year from now, or would you wait until a more firm, long-term deal is on the table? 

That is what has to be going through the minds of these coaches, and unless someone can guarantee some stability from the Bears front office, it would be wrong to expect an impact hire as offensive coordinator.

The Chicago Cubs signed Xavier Nady to a one-year deal with a base salary of $3.3 million, according to ESPN.com and other sources.  Nady is expected to be Kosuke Fukudome's right-handed hitting platoon mate in right field, while also spelling Alfonso Soriano in left and Derrek Lee at first base when necessary.

Nady, a former Pittsburgh Pirate, is coming off a season in which he played only seven games with the Yankees before undergoing Tommy John Surgery, making him your run-of-the-mill Jim Hendry acquisition.

There are two things that caught my eye as soon as this deal was announced.

Nady's base salary for 2010 ($3.3 million) is higher than Marlon Byrd's ($3 million) and I find that odd seeing that the Cubs expect Byrd to be the team's everyday center fielder.  Nady is expected to be a fill-in trying to make good on an incentive-laden deal that could escalate to $5.5 million this season.

The second thing is that I find this deal odd considering the Cubs do not have an everyday second baseman, nor is their starting rotation or bullpen complete.  The best remaining pitcher went off the boards today as Ben Sheets signed a one-year deal with a base salary of $10 million.  Heck of a bargaining chip for Billy Beane, who will likely get some top prospects for Sheets if Oakland falls out of the race and Sheets pitches like a former four-time All-Star.

Speaking of All-Stars, how about that D-Rose dunk?  Had we not been in a place that is considered death valley to cell phones, our Twitter feed would have blown up over the dunk.

Derrick Rose is one of the best point guards in the NBA and even though the Bulls are 8-5 in January, I wish he was under the tutelage of championship-caliber point guard.

I mean, Rose is averaging 26 points and 6.5 assists per game this month, to go along with a 51 percent shooting percentage from the field.  Imagine how much better he could be if his top mentor wasn't Vinny Del Negro.

There is lots to be cheering about in Saluki Country, especially after back-to-back home wins against Illinois State and Western Kentucky.

It is apparent that SIU has rediscovered the concept of defense and applied it to Osiris Eldridge's final possessions in overtime on Saturday and throughout the team's win against Western Kentucky.  And who thought Tony Freeman would end up becoming the defacto defensive stopper.

Freeman has been lauded for what he brings to the offensive end of the court, but what he has done against Osiris Eldridge (5-of-29 from the field, 2-of-9 from 3-point land) and A.J. Slaughter (2-for-12, 2-for-7 from beyond the arc) is nothing short of spectacular.

Since Freeman's comments about team focus were published, the team has started off strong and finished stronger down the stretch.  Kudos to play-by-play man Mike Reis, who dropped off one of the best stat lines a team could have.  Did you know that SIU entered last night's game against WKU connecting on 82 percent of its free-throw attempts in the last five minutes of ball games.

In the end, Southern will go as far as Kevin Dillard will take them.  In his last two games, KD has gone 8-for-16 from the field, 2-for-5 from the 3-point line and 17-for-20 from the charity stripe.  He has added 17 assists against six turnovers, which is nearly a 3-to-1 assist-to-turnover ratio.  The Salukis' inside-out game featuring Anthony Booker and Eugene Teague is most efficient when Dillard is most efficient.  So is Carlton Fay.

Amidst the turmoil that has surrounded the program with the DePaul rumors and Teague academic issues, the only way for head coach Chris Lowery to escape the Dawg House is to keep his ball club focused and playing well.

Winning cures all.

Except for herpes.

Texas Fans Can Blame Jerry Angelo For Last Night

There will always be an asterisk next to Alabama's national championship victory against Texas.

Not because of steroids, yet, but because the Longhorns were without two-time Heisman runner-up quarterback Colt McCoy, who was injured on the team's opening drive. 

While it is easy to circle that and pin the loss on not having one of college football's best quarterbacks, TBDS thrives on finding the buried leads in stories.

This is no different.

Had Chicago Bears GM Jerry Angelo sealed the deal with Nick Saban, last night's events would never have happened.

Allow me to explain.

In 2003, Angelo assumed a full set of powers that go to actual general managers after Ed McCaskey died.  With said powers, Angelo put an end to the Dick Jauron-John Shoop-Greg Blache Era of bad Bears football.

Saban was Angelo's No. 1 choice to replace Jauron, but ended up coaching the Miami Dolphins before returning to campus because Jerry had no intentions of sharing the player personnel decisions.

Thanks to Angelo's ego, the championship aspirations of two football teams have been crushed.

STFU Award Winner: Ron Turner & Why Charlie Weis Should Come To The Bears

It has been a mighty long time since I have given out the coveted STFU Award.  Look for this to become a feature that you will see more of in 2010.

Time to dust off the award and club Ron Turner over the head with it.

In a story published in the Chicago Tribune, Turner states, "I did the best job I could with what I had."

As some finger-snapping youngster would say, "Oh hell to the naw."

Turner's offense took advantage of Bernard Berrian's speed to score as often as Eddy Curry takes advantage of being 6-foot-11 to grab a rebound.  It turned Jay Cutler into Rex Grossman.  Cedric Benson has rushed for 1,998 yards in 25 games with the Bengals after accumulating 1,593 yards in 35 games with the Bears.  Earl Bennett and Devin Aromashodu were saddled to the bench like they were grounded for life.  It's not as if they would have delivered a Super Bowl or two, but it is an improvement over Rashied Davis.

It's time for Ronnie to look in the mirror in face facts.  His offense, other than one mythical season in which Erik Kramer, Rashaan Salaam and Jeff Graham put up a top-10 season, has been absolutely horrendous.  Other than that one year, his teams failed on the campus of the University of Illinois and in Chicago ... twice.

Yet, Turner's time in Chicago is an indictment of a bigger problem with the Bears.  That problem is the inability to bring in an offensive coordinator that doesn't suck.  Recent history has not been kind to the Bears, who have shipped in Terry Shea, John Shoop and Gary Crowton before putting them out to pasture.

It's not just time for change in Chicago, but it is almost as if the Bears need a head coach for the offensive unit.  Someone that will tell Lovie Smith to shove it when he asks to run a draw play on 3rd-and-19 from the team's own 5-yard-line.

That person is Charlie Weis.

I will be happy with nothing less.

Yep, the fat guy.  Let's just compare the quarterbacks he helped develop.

Tom Brady, who once upon a time was a sixth-round pick and a back-up to Drew Bledsoe turned out alright.  Brady Quinn was a damn good college signal caller only after Weis came to South Bend and cleaned up Tyrone Willingham's mess.  Jimmy Claussen finally lived up to the hype during his junior year at Notre Dame and is a safe bet to be the first quarterback taken in the upcoming draft.

And then, let's see what Turner has done with his QBs.

*Crickets*

That's what I thought.  Unless of course you'd like me to bring up names like Kurt Kittner, Steve Stenstrom, and Dave Kreig.  Maybe it was Turner who taught Sean Salisbury how to properly use a cell phone.

In any case, Weis is the sure-fire top candidate for the job.  How soon can we ship a truck full of Giordano's pizzas, Al's Italian Beefs and Harold's Chicken Wings as a sign that we're interested in Weis' services?

Lovie should avoid Mike Martz like he owes Martz child support.  Chan Gailey got hosed in Kansas City during the preseason.  Do you really want him?  Oh, then there's Jim Fassel.  Really? I was about to make a stay away from him joke with a herpes reference, but I got lazy.

Al Saunders, OK.  I can deal with that.  Jeremy Bates, meh.  It's not like the Southern Cal offense worked wonders this year.

In any case, the Bears need to find someone willing to take over an offense with holes on the offensive line, a lack of playmakers and a quarterback who looks like Brett Favre when he's playing at a high level and Henry Burris when he's not playing all that well.

TBDS votes Charlie Weis for Ron Turner's replacement.  This time next year, we'll probably be asking for Weis to remove Lovie.

Chicago Bears: Change You Can't Believe In

In a world where football people make football decisions, there would be no way Lovie Smith returns to Chicago as the Bears' head coach.
 
Unfortunately, we do not live in that world.

And to make matters worse, it will be up to Lovie to fix the mess he has made for himself.  In this blog, we'll try to help him out.

Kind of.

Smith already took a positive step in removing offensive coordinator Ron Turner from the equation.  Turner was hired in 2005 after Terry Shea, who was Lovie's No. 1 choice as offensive coordinator got the heave-ho, for putting together one of football's worst offenses, not to mention bringing in the worst back-up ever, Jonathan Quinn.

Turner got the nod because of what he had done for some mid-90s Bears team that learned overnight that the best way to win football games was to score more points than the opposition.  That faceless Chicago football team was led by Erik Kramer, who might be the Bears best quarterback over the last two decades.

Unfortunately, for Turner, he never updated his playbook into the 2000s.  In fact, some would argue all Turner did in Chicago was dust off John Shoop's guide on how to run a shitty offense and followed it in detail.  It was something as flavorful as Wal-Mart brand diet soda and as colorful as Bud Selig's competition committee.  Ron Turner's offenses sucked so much, he turned Jay Cutler into Rex Grossman in one season.

Fans wore thin on the Bears running draws and throwing screens in third-and-long situations, and eventually so did everyone at Halas Hall.

The next step would be to improve a defense that ranked 21st in the NFL in points allowed (23.4 points per game).  The second step is to make sure Lovie doesn't hire of one of his best buddies.

That means stay the fuck away from Rod Marinelli.

(Excuse the profanities, but they're necessary to get a point across.  Specifically, this point.)

Remember when Lovie Smith asked Bears fans to trust him after jettisoning Ron Rivera and to bring on Bob Babich?  Yeah, I'd rather forget that too.  Remember when the head coach said to trust him with the play calling after stripping it from Babich and reducing him to a linebackers coach?  Not hard to forget that, it happened last season.

Need more reason for the Bears not to give Rod Marinelli a promotion?

Really?  OK.  Here goes nothing.

When Rod Marinelli was the head coach of the Detroit Lions, he became the latest disciple of the Tampa 2 defensive scheme to apply what he had learned at the hand of Tony Dungy in a new town.  Marinelli's defenses were flat-out brutal.  In 2006, the Lions ranked 30th.  Things got worse over the next two years as they ranked 32nd in each of those years.

Overall, the Lions were 10-38 under Marinelli.  Detroit posted a 1-23 record from Nov. 11, 2007 through Dec. 28, 2008 and allowed 776 points for an average of 32.3 points per game.

Yep, that is exactly who I want coaching the Bears defense that ranked 21st in points allowed (23.4 ppg) in 2009.

In the end, it is sad that for whoever gets tabbed as the new defensive coordinator because he will be nothing more than a glorified play caller.  Nice work if you can get it, but it won't help a unit that is a shell of its former self and is no longer the kind of squad that can carry a team to the Super Bowl.

The Bears let go of quarterbacks coach Pep Hamilton and will replace him with someone you've never heard of, whose job will be to make sure Cutler has taken the right amount of insulin and remind him to throw to the players wearing the blue helmets with orange 'Cs' on them.  They also said goodbye to offensive line coach Harry Hiestand.  While they're at it, they should probably say goodbye to the offensive line that spent most of the year being downright offensive.

Here's lookin' at you, Orlando Pace.

Also getting the axe was tight ends coach Rob "Don't Call Me Scott" Boras.  Anyone who tells you they know what the tight ends coach does with the team is either a liar or was a tight ends coach in a previous life.  Still, I don't understand why Boras got the axe.

Greg Olsen, Kellen Davis and Desmond Clark accounted for 13 of the 27 receiving touchdowns the Bears had in 2009.  That's nearly half of Cutler's TD tosses.  Yep, let's blame that guy.  The only justification I could come up with is that Lovie and Jerry Angelo were big fans of the 7th Floor Crew and Olsen hasn't put out any new rap songs since leaving the University of Miami and coming to the Bears.

Running backs coach Tim Spencer will return, despite Matt Forte regressing in all facets of his game.  Wide receivers coach Daryle Drake will also come back for another tour of duty, though I'm not sure why.  It took 13 weeks to get Devin Aromashodu to become a full-time contributor this season.  Last year, Earl Bennett couldn't see the field if the Bears had given him a sideline pass and a boom mic.  Devin Hester started strong, but flamed out toward the end of the season.

Maybe Angelo has confused Daryle Drake for rapper Drake, whose songs are constantly in heavy rotation in my iPod.  Sure, Drizzy Drake has some hot rhymes, but Drake's receivers have had stone hands.

All of these so-called "changes" are meant to distract you, but will not distract me from the buried lead in the Chicago Bears coaching carousel.

Overall, Lovie Smith's career record as a head coach is 52-44.  Not bad.  Want a breakdown of his record since?  Of course you do, especially if you like self-inflicted pain.

• Bears are 22-25 overall
  
• 15-20 against NFC foes; Bears outscored 838-805.
• 8-9 against NFC North foes; Bears outscored 446-448 (180 points or approximately 40.3 percent of that scoring came against the Detroit Lions.)

Proof that the Bears' problems aren't an offensive problem, or a defensive problem.  It's a team problem, and since Lovie Smith is in charge of the entire team, he should be asked to leave Halas Hall and never return.

Unfortunately, the only people that seem to understand that are Bears fans.

This Doesn't Change Anything Between Us

The Chicago Bears left me feeling like a jilted lover after last night's 36-30 overtime win against the Minnesota Vikings.

A win like that has me feeling teased beyond belief.  Like when your ex-special lady friend comes over for make-up lovin' and rather than it being meaningless and void of emotion, it was almost as if you didn't have that nut-punchingly bad break-up.  And then you realize it's going to last longer than one night, even though it shouldn't.

This shouldn't change anything between us, though.  We're not good for each other and we both know that.  Let's go our separate ways before each of us gets hurt.

That's what the head honchos at Halas Hall should be saying to Lovie and friends.

And to make things less awkward, they should probably not cuddle afterward.

While work kept us away from our usual schedule of drinking heavily and tweeting angrily after another Jay Cutler interception, we got back just in time to stop by a buddy's house to catch the overtime period.  It left us just enough time to watch Cutler connect with Devin Aromashodu on a game-winning touchdown pitch-and-catch one play after Adrian Peterson did a rather impressive Rashaan Salaam impersonation.

Nothing says game-winning touchdown pass in a Bears-Vikings game quite like "The road to Miami goes through New Orleans."

Thanks Mike Tirico.

Dick.

As for Da Bears, the effort of the defense in the first half and in the overtime was almost overshadowed by an inexcusable second-half collapse.  It makes me wonder where this team was all year -- at least effort wise.  Maybe the Bears were sparked with the rumors threatening mass change.  It seems like the team has been on vacation for a while, and maybe showing a little bit of effort gave them another year to rest on their laurels.

There are some that are upset by the win, for it could cement Lovie Smith and his staff's return next season.  At this point, there is no such thing as a bad win.  It is not as if the Bears are playing for a better draft pick, seeing that they don't need to show up to April's NFL Draft until the third round.

The Big Lead suggests, "[t]his is the kind of game, coupled with a strong draft and the return of Brian Urlacher, that will make the Bears a sexy Super Bowl pick next year."

Not when you don't have a first or second round pick and you still have holes to fill on the offensive and defensive lines, in the secondary and throughout the rest of the roster.

Just sayin.

Let's Play Da Bears Blame Game

For the first time in the Lovie Smith Era, the Chicago Bears did not earn a win over the hated Green Bay Packers.  And if I remember correctly, one of Smith's priorities when coming to Chicago was beating Green Bay.

Without that win, place a value on the 2009 season?  Priceless -- no.  Worthless -- yes.

Blame Jay Cutler all you want.  It just means you're overlooking the real problem.  Please take this elevator to the top floor, please.

Coaching Carousel

Lovie told Bears fans to trust him when he sent Ron Rivera packing for getting too big, too soon.  He told us to trust Bob Babich to keep Rivera's hard-hitting defense going.  When it faltered, he took the playcalling duties upon himself, and somehow the team found a way to get worse.  When the defensive line was made the next scapegoat, he axed one friend in favor of Rod Marinelli.

It's easy to point out these classic Lovie foibles, but the problem is that it doesn't end there.  Remember the Terry Shea experience?  How about Jonathan Quinn, the back-up quarterback who was so excruciatingly bad, he made Craig Krenzel look like an above average quarterback and Ron Turner's offense look like an improvement.

A Tale Of Two Devins

Not only did Smith's statement declaring Devin Hester a potential No. 1 wide receiver option cost the Bears organization lots of guaranteed cash, it also cost the team its most dynamic player.  Since coming a full-time wideout, Hester has struggled in the return game to the point where he is no longer the team's best special teams player.

Having to learn an entirely new position, with a coaching staff that couldn't teach Einstein basic mathematics and one quarterback with a noodle arm and another fans swore was color blind with the way he thrw the ball to the players in other jerseys, Hester was set up to fail from the outset.

The one area in which the Bears had a decisive edge over everyone else in a thing of the past.

Then there's Devin Aromashodu, who it took Smith and his staff 13 weeks to get on the field.  Bravo, Bears bosses.  For the second straight season, the Bears buried their best receiving option.  You would have thought the team would have learned after finding ways to keep Earl Bennett off the field.  There might not be a move more damning than ignoring Aromashodu, especially when you consider the franchise quarterback begged for his presence in the line-up.

In The End, It All Falls On Jerry Angelo

Jerry Angelo brought in Lovie Smith ... only after being unwilling to share some player-personnel duties with Nick Saban.  Angelo had to OK Smith's hires including Shea, Turner, Babich and Marinelli.

He has whiffed on draft choices and in free agency.  In the trade market, I refuse to knock the Cutler trade because he turned Kyle Orton and draft picks that were doomed to fail into a very talented quarterback and Johnny Knox.  And everyone loves Johnny Knox, right?

However, Angelo did turn a second round pick into first-round bust Gaines Adams -- a player who couldn't find the field with a GPS and a travel guide.  Now the Bears are left without a first or second round pick and are left to fill holes throughout the offensive line, defensive line, defensive secondary ... among other places.

If Angelo wants to keep his job, the first step in the right direction would be starting over.  Not just a new coach, but a set of new philosophies.  No more Tampa 2.  No more rink, dink and stink offense.  You can say you want to get off the bus running, but when you trip over your own two feet upon getting off the bus, you're not doing yourself any favors.

But if Angelo wants to do Bears fans a favor, he puts Lovie and his gang out of their misery.  Then, Angelo will show himself the door it's all over.

All-Decade Team: Chicago Bears

With the decade coming to an end, it has got me thinking about some of the best players Chicago has had this decade.  And since I've been on a tear of negativity (thanks Crazy Uncle Milton and the Bad News Chicago Bears), I figured I'd provide some highlights from this decade.

Today, the All-Decade Team looks at the Chicago Bears players that didn't suck.

QB - Rex Grossman (2006) - 3,193 passing yards, 23 TDs 20 INTs - Jay who?

RB - Matt Forte (2008) - 1,238 rushing yards, 477 receiving yards, 12 total TDs (8 rushing, 4 receiving) -It's never good when your best receiver is a running back.

WR - Marty Booker (2002) - 97 catches, 1,189 yards, 6 TDs - I honestly don't remember a Bears receiver ever catching 90+ balls.

TE - Desmond Clark (2006) 45 catches, 626 yards, 6 TDs - Greg Olsen should get the nod because of his awesome mic skills.  But Clark has done it on the field.

DE - Mark Anderson (2006) - 12 sacks - Has anyone seen this guy since his rookie season?

DT- Keith Traylor (2001) - Remember that one big-ass interception?

LB - Brian Urlacher (2005) - 98 tackles, 6 sacks, NFL Defensive Player of the Year - The face of the franchise.

DB - Mike Brown (2001) - Remember his game-winning interceptions?

K - Robbie Gould (2006) - 32/36 FGs (88.9%) 41/41 PATs (100%) All-Pro 1st Team - Better than Paul Edinger

P - Brad Maynard (2004) - 108 punts (led league) 4,638 yards - Offensive MVP for most years.

ST - Devin Hester (2006) - Um.  Yeah.  See below.

The Weekender: Bears vs. Packers Drinking Game

What better way to end your week than with a unique way to watch one of football's best rivalries, along with your regular dump of assorted links from throughout the internet.

Yeah, I've slouched on Pigskin Pimpin' of late.  But this will make up for it.  I promise.  And if it doesn't?  Well.  Lower your standards.

Jerk.

Bears Drinking Game

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Jay Cutler throws an interception
• Jay Cutler complains to an official
• Jay Cutler overthrows an open receiver
  
• Matt Forte runs the ball up the middle
• Ron Turner calls a wide receiver screen (two shots if play loses yardage)
  

If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Any reference made to Brett Favre
• Any mention, or insinuation of "Chicago Bear weather"
• Any reference of the relationship between Jay Cutler and Greg Olsen
  
• Screen shot of a shirtless fan
• Screen shot of a Packers fan
  

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Lovie Smith loses a challenge
• Any reference made to the Bears' crummy playing surface
• Any time Thom Brenneman mentions how great/patient Chicago fans are
• Any reference of Jerry Angelo, Lovie Smith or Ron Turner's job security
  

If any of the following occurs, call a designated driver and hope his name isn't Tony La Russa or Donte Stallworth:

• Bears lose
• Jay Cutler throws 3 or more interceptions
• Packers lose (hey, we want to see drunk cheeseheads, don't we?)
  

Call in sick to work on Monday:

• If Thom Brenneman mentions Tim Tebow

The chicks:

Now the links:

• Bill Plaschke crowns "Sleaze" as the sports thingy of the year. We'll have our sportsperson of the year award coming up as soon as we find a clever name for it.
• Do you remember what you wrote in my yearbook? This site does.
• I sent this well-written piece over to the guys at Hire Jim Essian, and I figure if the Cubs ever want to move Crazy Uncle Milton out of right field, maybe they should make him their beat writer.
• Quote of the Year: “You don’t want to go to a college where they ain’t pretty." From this NY Times story.
• Hitler isn't thrilled about the Cubs' chances in the winter meetings, and is unhappy about Tiger cheating on his wife.
• Video of the week that describes how I feel whenever the Bears need a game-winning drive from Jay Cutler.
  

VIDEO OF THE WEEK PART TWO ... and I'm swagger-jackin' this from HJE, "They finally released the video footage of Tony LaRussa after the Cardinals got swept out of the playoffs last year"

VIDEO OF THE WEEK PART THREE ... The one where I suddenly want to enroll at Tennessee and go to grad school.

Run along now, kids.  It's Friday and you should all be getting your Becky on!



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Mount Hushmore: Rex Grossman (1) vs. Kordell Stewart (4)

Who were Chicago's most embarrassing athletes?  The guys you hated so much, you considered booing them even though they were on your team.

We'll take a look at two as we open the Mount Hushmore challenge as Rex Grossman and Kordell Stewart square off in a battle of sucky Bears quarterbacks.

Rex Grossman

For the sake of this blog, we're going to pretend that Rex Grossman did not quarterback the Chicago Bears to a Super Bowl run.

Without the 13-3 season, Grossman's career record as a starting quarterback with the Bears was 6-9.  Hardly the kind of record you want out of a former first round draft pick and presumed messiah.  Take away those 23 touchdown passes and 20 interceptions, Grossman threw 10 touchdowns and 15 interceptions.  Again.  Not good.  In fact, bad.  Very bad.

And yet, he was trotted out there again and again.  Maybe if he has more 20 touchdown seasons and fewer 20 interception years, he'd probably be a serviceable signal caller somewhere.

Kordell Stewart

Slash made me want to slash my wrists when he was in Chicago.

In a classic Chicago front office move, Da Bears brought in Stewart as a free agent from the Steelers hoping to catch lightening in a bottle.  Instead, the bottle was smashed over their head, shattering in a million pieces.
Stewart went 2-5 as a starter in Chicago, throwing 7 touchdowns and 12 interceptions.  His completion percentage was a career-low 50 percent.  His percentage of quality runs was much lower than that.  Stewart played one season with the Bears, and has not thrown a pass in the NFL since.

Now, it's your time to vote.

Who should move to the next round?

• Rex Grossman
• Kordell Stewart

Created on Dec 8, 2009

View Results

poll by twiigs.com

Mount Hushmore: LaTroy Hawkins (2) vs. Cade McNown (3)

Who were Chicago's most embarrassing athletes?  The guys you hated so much, you considered booing them even though they were on your team.

We'll take a look at two as we open the Mount Hushmore challenge as LaTroy Hawkins takes on Cade McNown.

LaTroy Hawkins

LaTroy Hawkins is the kind of player whose stats don't tell you the entire story of his baseball career.  Unfortunately for Hawk, the rest of the story sucks.

Hawkins signed with the Cubs before the 2004 season as he came off a monstrous year with the Minnesota Twins where he posted a 1.86 earned run average and a 1.08 WHIP in a little more than 77 innings as the ace set-up man for closer Eddie Guardado.  In 2004, Hawkins posted a 2.63 ERA.  So, why the hate?

Simply put, LaTroy Hawkins was the gas can that ignited the rallies of other teams.

In 2004, he blew X saves replacing Joe Borowski.  Now, replacing a fat, sweaty closer whose fastball topped out in the low-80s should have been a cinch.  Not for Hawkins, who single-handedly kept the 2004 Cubs out of the playoffs.  There was this game, where he gave up a pair of dingers in a loss to the eventual division champion Cardinals, this game he blew against the eventual NL Wild Card winning Astros, this game against the Mets where he gave up a game-tying home run to Victor Diaz and this game against the Reds where I went to class with the Cubs winning 2-1 and left class with the team having lose 3-2.

You would think a new year and a second chance would be good for Hawkins, who would turn that moment of good will into an Wrigley Field opening loss I traveled six hours, skipped two classes and countless other Friday night college shenanigans to watch him blow.  Things got worse in 2005, where from May 5 to May 13, he blew two saves and lost (count 'em) one, two and three games.

The highlight of Hawkins' stay in Chicago was the last day when he was shipped off for Jerome Williams and David Aardsma.

Cade McNown

You think Jay Cutler sucks?  Weren't fond of Rex Grossman?  Well, here's a piece of crap that makes Grossman look like Peyton Manning and Cutler look like Tom Brady.

Cade McClown was a clusterfuck of bad news.  Mike Ditka and other football analysts anointed him as the most pro-ready quarterback coming out of UCLA.  And UCLA has produced a pretty good pro QB once in a while.  Unfortunately for Bears fans, it wasn't McNown.

The No. 12 overall pick in the 1999 NFL draft posted a 3-12 record as Bears starter.  He was given the quarterback reigns, but because was a total dick and held out for so long, Dick Jauron found it suitable to have Shane Matthews start under center for Chicago.

Oh, that was a great move.

He eventually got the starting gig when Matthews proved to suck be injured, but would eventually pull himself out of a loss against the Rams because of his own sucktitude.

Before being traded to the Dolphins, McNown's star had fallen so far, he was battling Danny Wuerffel for third-string duties.  At least Wuerffel had a Heisman Trophy he could brag about.  McNown's only award could come here if he somehow knocks off LaTroy Hawkins.

Now, it's time for you to vote.

Who should move on to the next round?

• LaTroy Hawkins
• Cade McNown

Created on Dec 3, 2009

View Results

poll by twiigs.com

Jerry Angelo, You've Got To Go Too

Earlier, I detailed why Lovie Smith needed to get the swift boot out of town.

Now, it's Bears GM Jerry Angelo's turn to be pantsed via this blog.

Angelo has been the Chicago Bears GM since 2001, and will always be known for ushering change.  Through his falls, he ousted Dick Jauron and brought in Jay Cutler.  Two moves that should give him some sort of immunity from the white-washing he is about to receive.  Right?  Not so fast my friend.

And this time, I don't even need five reasons.

1.  Is there a draft in here?  If not for the Detroit Lions and Oakland Raiders, there would be an argument for the Bears having the worst success rate of first round picks in the NFL.

Here is a history of Angelo's top selections:

• David Terrell
• Marc Columbo
• Rex Grossman
• Michael Haynes
• Tommie Harris
• Cedric Benson
• Greg Olsen
• Chris Williams

Of those selections, Columbo and Benson turned out to be good ... for other teams.  Harris was good, but has disappeared.  Olsen can be good when the ball is thrown somewhere he can catch it.  And the Jury is still out on Williams.

Want to look at some of the players Angelo passed up?  Of course not.  We'll do it anyway.

• 2001: Angelo gets a pass (kind of) as the best players of this draft that were drafted after the former Michigan standout include Steve Hutchinson (17th), Jeff Backus (18th), Casey Hampton (19th) and Reggie Wayne (30th).
• 2003:  When the Bears drafted Michael Haynes with the 14th pick, they passed on Troy Polamalu (16th).  When they drafted Rex Grossman, they missed out on Willis McGahee (23rd), Dallas Clark (24th),
• 2005:  Drafting Kyle Orton ahead of Brandon Jacobs was dumb.  I said it then and I'll say it again now, and will probably say it for a very long time.  All the Bears had to do was make a trip down I-57 and see a talent right in their own back yard.
• 2008:  I liked Rashard Mendenhall (23rd) and DeSean Jackson (49th) more than I liked Williams (14th) and Matt Forte (44th)   
  

For more of Angelo's draft failures, click here.

2.  The coaching staff.  Has there been a coaching staff that has been properly handled under Angelo's "watchful" eye?  He let Dick Jauron and John Shoop linger for three years before he kicked them to the curb at the end of the 2003 season.  Then Angelo hired Lovie Smith, who was his third option after Nick Saban wanted some of the shot-calling duties and Russ Grimm, who still is waiting for dinner with the McClaskey family.

Then there was the Terry Shea hiring fiasco.  The relieving of Ron Rivera ... after a Super Bowl, no less.  The hiring of Bob Babich to replace Rivera after early reports leaked that it would be Leslie Frazier replacing his former teammate.  Now, Frazier is among the up-and-coming head coaching candidates.

Hey.  Maybe he'll be up for the Bears job if someone wakes up the McCaskey family and tells them their team stinks and it's all the fault of the guys in charge.

3.  Contract negotiations.  What do Cedric Benson, Lance Briggs, Thomas Jones, Devin Hester and many other Bears players have in common?  Each have had their contract negotiations fumbled by one Jerry Angelo.

Benson ended up missing most of training camp, pushing back progress that had already  been dampened by a guy who didn't even want to be in Chicago to begin with.  Briggs almost was a former Bear because of the way the organization had treated him.  Jones' negotiations became so clusterfucked, he ended up being traded to the New York Jets.  Angelo can thank Lovie for making Hester the highest paid third option in the NFL after Smith called Hester, "a No. 1 receiver."

So, we've got a GM that:

• Has a poor draft history.
• Has a poor track record of hiring coaches.
• Has a poor history of dealing out contracts.
  

And why should he be the Bears general manager next season?

... Oh.  And I really couldn't pass up on this photo.

Five Cold Hard Facts As The Case vs. Lovie Smith Builds

At 4-7, it is very easy to want to hop on the bandwagon and scream "Fire Lovie Smith!" at the top of your lungs.

The problem with that is most fans are all about change for change sake, and that is never a good way to go about building a champion.  Have coaching carousels in Detroit and Oakland worked well?  No.  It wouldn't work in Chicago either.

But the McCaskey family has to treat the Chicago Bears franchise like a fledgling business.  Everyone must go.  Including Lovie.  Here are five legit reasons Lovie has got to go.

1.  The Big Picture.  Let's just get this out of the way before we get into the heavy-hitting portion of this blog.  Lovie Smith has three winning seasons as Bears head coach.  In the years which Chicago didn't make the playoffs, Lovie's squads have posted a 25-34 record ... and that includes the 2008 team's 9-7 campaign.

The 2005 Bears went 11-5, but were pantsed by Steve Smith the Carolina Panthers in its playoff appearance.  One year later, the team went 13-3 en route to the Super Bowl, but Peyton Manning's heroics gave a glimpse of what future offenses would do to the Bears in upcoming years.

A 49-42 career record isn't going to cut it when you only have two playoff wins and no Super Bowl jewelery to show for it.

2.  The defense is indefensible.  Again, it's easy to write this after the Bears allowed more than 500 yards of total offense ... but facts are facts.  Remember when Lovie made defensive coordinator Bob Babich the scapegoat, so much so that he took the playcalling duties upon himself.  Well, um, how's that worked out for Mr. Smith?

Not good.

The Bears have allowed opponents to score 261 points, an average of 23.7 per game ranking 24th in the entire NFL.  Quite a dropoff from a team that ranked 1st in that category in 2005.

The head coach takes over the playcalling and the play of that unit gets worse?  If that isn't enough of a case against the coach, I don't know what is.

3.  Ozzie Guillen would call him "Little Game Lovie."  The must-win choke jobs are as follows:

• Jan. 15 vs. Carolina: Bears lose 29-21.  NFC Divisional round at home.
  
• Feb. 4 vs. Indianapolis: Bears lose 29-17.  Defense fails to cover Reggie Wayne.
  
• Nov. 9 vs. Tennessee, Nov. 16 @ Green Bay, Nov. 30 @ Minnesota, Dec. 28 @ Houston: Bears lose all of these games when winning one of them puts the Bears into the playoffs.  They choked against Tennessee and Houston.  And decided not to show up against division rivals Minnesota and Green Bay.
  

4.  Lovie's friends are failing him.  There's nothing like getting a job, and then being able to give your friends work.  Unless, of course, you're Lovie Smith and your friends are Rod Marinelli and Bob Babich, both of whom are great guys ... but not great coaches.  Same for Ron Turner.

There's only one rule in the un-written rulebook of giving your friends jobs: Make sure they don't suck.

5. The penalties/lack of discipline.  Are you tired of delay of game penalties on field goal attempts?  How about not reporting as an eligible receiver when you're number is 95?  Personal foul penalties and ejections got you down?  Simple offsides and false starts stalling your drives?

These are all disciplinary fouls and if the head coach isn't handing down the discipline, then nothing is being properly followed.  I'm not one of those Bears fans that begs for a red-faced Mike Ditka for 60 minutes per game, but I am a fan who hates dumb penalties.

So, can you make a case for why Lovie Smith should keep his job?  If so, leave it in the comments so I can tell you how wrong you are.

And for Lovie, here's hoping you hear this soon.

Life After Da Bears

At 5:39 p.m., when Bears head coach Lovie Smith punted on 4th-and-1 with the season basically in the balance, I came to the conclusion that he gave up on not just this game, but also on the entire team and the rest of the season.

Rather than suffer through what turned into an ol' fashioned butt-whippin', I announced tweeted that I would do other things with my life.  This is a summary of those other things.

5:45 p.m.:  Turned on the XBOX 360 and put in Madden 10

I loaded a franchise I had recently started with the team formerly known as the St. Louis Rams. Why not the Bears?  Because I wanted to move the Rams out of St. Louis, though if any city deserves a bad football team, it is St. Louis.

(Aside: Did you know the Rams are the only team in the NFL that has to travel two time zones to play road games in their own division.  No other NFL team has to do it.  Sure, they do so in private jets and are treated to the finest road beef San Francisco, Seattle and Arizona have to offer ... but those are some awful long flights for road beef.)

Eventually, I got around to playing my first game (I only play division opponents and playoff games so I'm not on the thing 24/7) and it was 45-0 win against the San Francisco 49ers.  Freeman threw for 114 yards on 8 of 13 passing (115.5 rating) with 1 TD pass.  Peterson (18 rushes, 110 yards, 2 TD) and Bush (8 rushes, 93 yards, 2 TDs) did the heavy lifting.  (P.S. I run out of the Wildcat formation.  Those two guys are unstoppable on the ground.)

After simulating five straight non-conference games, the Isotopes are 6-0.  Won a combined 7 games in two years as the St. Louis Rams.  They must have been playing scared.

6:44 p.m.: Had an 8 minute interview with a basketball coach for a story I'm doing for my real life job.  I've never been a big fan of calling coaches on Sunday night, seeing that for many of them it's their family time, so of course I'll appreciate what they do.

7:00 p.m.:  Updated the status on our TBDS Facebook page.  Click here and become a fan.

7:50 p.m.:  Just ended a 20 minute, 4 second call with another basketball coach who suffered a bitter defeat at the hands of a ranked rival on the road.  I'm sure he can't wait for the return game at home.

7:53 p.m.:  Ate a dinner roll that I made for brunch.  Sure, they've cooled off but they're still soft and buttery.

8:00 p.m.:  Turned on the TV to catch Family Guy rather than resuming the Madden franchise.  Also, scooped another dinner roll.

8:30 p.m.:  Watching American Dad.

8:32 p.m.:  Regretting the fact I'm watching American Dad

8:50 p.m.:  Just ate a piece of cheesecake I made the other day.  This is the third piece I've had today.  What can I say, I make good cheesecake.

8:55 p.m.:  Laughed at American Dad because they made a "make it rain" reference.

8:57 p.m.:  Realizing that if you look into things too much and have a mind centered on sports, Seth McFarlane's comedy shows made references to Donte Stallworth (DUI murder without consequence), Mike Vick (killing animals with consequence) and Adam "Pacman" Jones (making it rain).

9:06 p.m.:  Searching for something to watch on TV

9:08 p.m.:  Found Arrested Development on channel 233, IFC.

9:24 p.m.:  Finished a smoothie made by my roommate.  Apparently this stuff is supposed to meet my daily fruit intake and has no additives, no preservatives, no sugar.  Just fruit.  

9:41 p.m.:  Read Deadspin founder, best-selling author and life-long Cardinals fan William Leitch's column advocating the Yankees signing Matt Holliday.

10:13 p.m.:  Officially called it a night during a Family Guy episode on Adult Swim.

Bears Shouldn't Want Mike Martz

If Bears fans were asked if they would like Mike Martz as the team's new offensive coordinator, their answer would be a resounding yes.  If only because his name is not Ron Turner.  Yet, should the Bears want the nutty coordinator?

The answer might be a resounding no.

I mean, don't get me wrong.  I am under the impression that anything would be an upgrade to Ron Turner's offense.  I refuse to go as far as some Bears fans who question Turner's sexuality or manhood ... I just have a problem with his play calling.  The biggest indictment on Turner and his inability to make correct calls in the booth is this very season.

Blessed with a skilled quarterback who has a strong arm, rarely (other than last week's game against the Eagles) has Turner called for multiple deep patterns.  Geared with a team that features speedsters on the outside, the Bears' offense has yet to find consistent ways to get players such as Devin Hester and Johnny Knox the ball.

And that is why I would be hesitant to hire Mike Martz.

Like Turner, Martz had one sensational season as an offensive coordinator.  But unlike Turner, Martz had his this decade.  However, the signs of fraud stare Chicago fans square in the face.

When the Rams won the Super Bowl, they were known as the Greatest Show on Turf.  And everyone in Chicago knows the Soldier Field surface is nothing more than a joke ... especially when we get to the winter months.  Martz was fortunate to have some of the best talent in the game when he was calling the shots in St. Louis.

The Rams had two No. 1 receivers in Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt to compliment Marshall Faulk who was tearing it up in his prime.  Then there was Kurt Warner, whose arm, mind and body were as fresh as the groceries he once bagged before becoming big time.

They won the Super Bowl by inches, and then lost the next one by a foot.  (Specifically, Adam Vinatieri's foot.)

Since then, Martz's career has sputtered and it coincides with the decline of the careers of Bruce, Faulk and Holt.  Faulk is in some announcing booth right now, while Bruce and Holt are toiling away in San Francisco and Jacksonville, respectively.  The Rams have gone from the Greatest Show on Turf to the lamest.

Since leaving St. Louis, Martz has failed to be a productive coordinator.  He was given the keys to the Motor City and the Lions proceeded to continue in their spectacular sucky ways.  A year later he went to San Francisco ... and only after Vernon Davis and Fred Gore wallowed in misery was Martz shown the door by Mike Singletary.

With Martz out of the picture, Davis and Gore are flourishing despite having Shaun Hill and Alex Smith under center.  Shouldn't an offensive guru such as Martz have found a way to make the 49ers offense better than mediocre?

Probably.  But he didn't.

So, what makes Bears fans -- or more importantly Bears management -- feel so good about what Martz could do with Jay Cutler?  Tight end Greg Olsen, Cutler's favorite target, would be stifled by his own offensive coordinator.  Running back Matt Forte would likely follow Olsen's path into obscurity.  Devin Hester, Earl Bennett and Johnny Knox could benefit ... if we were a game of Madden.

And as bad as Turner has been, and as much as change could be great for Chicago, if Mike Martz is the answer, then I don't want to know what the question is.

Is Mike Martz on his way to Bears? [Sun-Times]
Martz denies report he's headed to Bears [Tribune]