STFU Award Winner: Ron Turner & Why Charlie Weis Should Come To The Bears

It has been a mighty long time since I have given out the coveted STFU Award.  Look for this to become a feature that you will see more of in 2010.

Time to dust off the award and club Ron Turner over the head with it.

In a story published in the Chicago Tribune, Turner states, "I did the best job I could with what I had."

As some finger-snapping youngster would say, "Oh hell to the naw."

Turner's offense took advantage of Bernard Berrian's speed to score as often as Eddy Curry takes advantage of being 6-foot-11 to grab a rebound.  It turned Jay Cutler into Rex Grossman.  Cedric Benson has rushed for 1,998 yards in 25 games with the Bengals after accumulating 1,593 yards in 35 games with the Bears.  Earl Bennett and Devin Aromashodu were saddled to the bench like they were grounded for life.  It's not as if they would have delivered a Super Bowl or two, but it is an improvement over Rashied Davis.

It's time for Ronnie to look in the mirror in face facts.  His offense, other than one mythical season in which Erik Kramer, Rashaan Salaam and Jeff Graham put up a top-10 season, has been absolutely horrendous.  Other than that one year, his teams failed on the campus of the University of Illinois and in Chicago ... twice.

Yet, Turner's time in Chicago is an indictment of a bigger problem with the Bears.  That problem is the inability to bring in an offensive coordinator that doesn't suck.  Recent history has not been kind to the Bears, who have shipped in Terry Shea, John Shoop and Gary Crowton before putting them out to pasture.

It's not just time for change in Chicago, but it is almost as if the Bears need a head coach for the offensive unit.  Someone that will tell Lovie Smith to shove it when he asks to run a draw play on 3rd-and-19 from the team's own 5-yard-line.

That person is Charlie Weis.

I will be happy with nothing less.

Yep, the fat guy.  Let's just compare the quarterbacks he helped develop.

Tom Brady, who once upon a time was a sixth-round pick and a back-up to Drew Bledsoe turned out alright.  Brady Quinn was a damn good college signal caller only after Weis came to South Bend and cleaned up Tyrone Willingham's mess.  Jimmy Claussen finally lived up to the hype during his junior year at Notre Dame and is a safe bet to be the first quarterback taken in the upcoming draft.

And then, let's see what Turner has done with his QBs.

*Crickets*

That's what I thought.  Unless of course you'd like me to bring up names like Kurt Kittner, Steve Stenstrom, and Dave Kreig.  Maybe it was Turner who taught Sean Salisbury how to properly use a cell phone.

In any case, Weis is the sure-fire top candidate for the job.  How soon can we ship a truck full of Giordano's pizzas, Al's Italian Beefs and Harold's Chicken Wings as a sign that we're interested in Weis' services?

Lovie should avoid Mike Martz like he owes Martz child support.  Chan Gailey got hosed in Kansas City during the preseason.  Do you really want him?  Oh, then there's Jim Fassel.  Really? I was about to make a stay away from him joke with a herpes reference, but I got lazy.

Al Saunders, OK.  I can deal with that.  Jeremy Bates, meh.  It's not like the Southern Cal offense worked wonders this year.

In any case, the Bears need to find someone willing to take over an offense with holes on the offensive line, a lack of playmakers and a quarterback who looks like Brett Favre when he's playing at a high level and Henry Burris when he's not playing all that well.

TBDS votes Charlie Weis for Ron Turner's replacement.  This time next year, we'll probably be asking for Weis to remove Lovie.

Charlie Weis' Next Job: Bears Offensive Coordinator

First of all, wow, I still cannot believe I got a picture of Charlie Weis to fit on this page.  The Internet truly is a special place.

Second, I cannot believe Notre Dame fans really want to can the head coach that has brought the most talent to the Golden Domers since Lou Holtz resided in South Bend, Ind.  OK, so you're not winning national championships yearly.  Get used to it.  The only people who care about Notre Dame's grand tradition are people who went there a long time ago.  Now, the only tradition high school's most talented football players care about involves blondes, bikinis and beer.

What?  You think high school students don't like to party?

Because of this new train of thought, Fighting Irish fans are getting restless and wanting to launch their head coach.  Fine by me.  I've got a perfect landing spot for him.

Chicago.

I will never be confused with nostrodamus (or Nastrodamus or Negrodamus, for that matter) but if I had a guess, Bears fans will not get all their Christmas wishes come true this winter.  That means Lovie Smith will not be fired.  But if I were a gambling man (which I am on certain days that end with "Y") I would say that Ron Turner is very likely to be the scape goat and will be asked to leave Halas Hall along with his playbook chock full of plays that were successful back in the day when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

And if Weis is on the market, Jerry Angelo should be at all systems go to try to get him.

Weis would be the perfect candidate for the Bears next OC gig.  He has a history of developing good, young quarterbacks.  Tom Brady is the prime example, but take a look at what he did with Brady Quinn and Jimmy Claussen.  The similarities between the two are striking.  Both started as true freshmen and both gradually improved each and every year afterward. And if it weren't for some close losses, Claussen would be joining Quinn as ND QBs to start in a BCS bowl game.

(He probably would have joined Quinn as just another QB to have lost a BCS bowl game as the Fighting Irish starting quarterback.  I digress.)

Jay Cutler is only 26 and will be entering his prime, and since Ron Turner is allergic to developing quarterbacks, the Bears need Weis.  In fact, Cutler needs the rotund offensive guru more than Weis needs a NFL job.  (But not as much as CW needs a turkey sandwich.)  The Weis offensive gameplan (as detailed here) would be a tremendous upgrade from whatever plays Turner drew in the dirt on a sandlot once upon a time.

For Cutler, who was a four-year starter at Vanderbilt, hiring Weis would mean working with a creative offensive mind for the first time in his short stay in Chicago.  And since we all know Cutler is the centerpiece of the future of Bears football, Angelo might as well surround the centerpiece with a complimentary set of shit that doesn't suck.

Charlie's passing offenses ranked sixth, 10th, 12th and fourth from 2001 to 2004.  A span in which the Patriots won 48 games and three Super Bowl rings.  In those years, Brady passed for 13,919 yards and 97 touchdowns.  In those four years, Brady had three different players to lead in receiving ... so it is not as if he has been throwing to Randy Moss his entire career.

Weis' best feature is that he gets the most out of his talent, a feature that only the best coaches have.  Unfortunately, his worst feature is that in order to lure him to Chicago, it would likely take a countless amount of deep dish pizzas to get him to coach the Bears' offense.

And that might be a task too tall for Giordano's, Gino's East and Lou Malnati's to handle.