STFU Award Winner: Ron Turner & Why Charlie Weis Should Come To The Bears

It has been a mighty long time since I have given out the coveted STFU Award.  Look for this to become a feature that you will see more of in 2010.

Time to dust off the award and club Ron Turner over the head with it.

In a story published in the Chicago Tribune, Turner states, "I did the best job I could with what I had."

As some finger-snapping youngster would say, "Oh hell to the naw."

Turner's offense took advantage of Bernard Berrian's speed to score as often as Eddy Curry takes advantage of being 6-foot-11 to grab a rebound.  It turned Jay Cutler into Rex Grossman.  Cedric Benson has rushed for 1,998 yards in 25 games with the Bengals after accumulating 1,593 yards in 35 games with the Bears.  Earl Bennett and Devin Aromashodu were saddled to the bench like they were grounded for life.  It's not as if they would have delivered a Super Bowl or two, but it is an improvement over Rashied Davis.

It's time for Ronnie to look in the mirror in face facts.  His offense, other than one mythical season in which Erik Kramer, Rashaan Salaam and Jeff Graham put up a top-10 season, has been absolutely horrendous.  Other than that one year, his teams failed on the campus of the University of Illinois and in Chicago ... twice.

Yet, Turner's time in Chicago is an indictment of a bigger problem with the Bears.  That problem is the inability to bring in an offensive coordinator that doesn't suck.  Recent history has not been kind to the Bears, who have shipped in Terry Shea, John Shoop and Gary Crowton before putting them out to pasture.

It's not just time for change in Chicago, but it is almost as if the Bears need a head coach for the offensive unit.  Someone that will tell Lovie Smith to shove it when he asks to run a draw play on 3rd-and-19 from the team's own 5-yard-line.

That person is Charlie Weis.

I will be happy with nothing less.

Yep, the fat guy.  Let's just compare the quarterbacks he helped develop.

Tom Brady, who once upon a time was a sixth-round pick and a back-up to Drew Bledsoe turned out alright.  Brady Quinn was a damn good college signal caller only after Weis came to South Bend and cleaned up Tyrone Willingham's mess.  Jimmy Claussen finally lived up to the hype during his junior year at Notre Dame and is a safe bet to be the first quarterback taken in the upcoming draft.

And then, let's see what Turner has done with his QBs.

*Crickets*

That's what I thought.  Unless of course you'd like me to bring up names like Kurt Kittner, Steve Stenstrom, and Dave Kreig.  Maybe it was Turner who taught Sean Salisbury how to properly use a cell phone.

In any case, Weis is the sure-fire top candidate for the job.  How soon can we ship a truck full of Giordano's pizzas, Al's Italian Beefs and Harold's Chicken Wings as a sign that we're interested in Weis' services?

Lovie should avoid Mike Martz like he owes Martz child support.  Chan Gailey got hosed in Kansas City during the preseason.  Do you really want him?  Oh, then there's Jim Fassel.  Really? I was about to make a stay away from him joke with a herpes reference, but I got lazy.

Al Saunders, OK.  I can deal with that.  Jeremy Bates, meh.  It's not like the Southern Cal offense worked wonders this year.

In any case, the Bears need to find someone willing to take over an offense with holes on the offensive line, a lack of playmakers and a quarterback who looks like Brett Favre when he's playing at a high level and Henry Burris when he's not playing all that well.

TBDS votes Charlie Weis for Ron Turner's replacement.  This time next year, we'll probably be asking for Weis to remove Lovie.

Bears Shouldn't Want Mike Martz

If Bears fans were asked if they would like Mike Martz as the team's new offensive coordinator, their answer would be a resounding yes.  If only because his name is not Ron Turner.  Yet, should the Bears want the nutty coordinator?

The answer might be a resounding no.

I mean, don't get me wrong.  I am under the impression that anything would be an upgrade to Ron Turner's offense.  I refuse to go as far as some Bears fans who question Turner's sexuality or manhood ... I just have a problem with his play calling.  The biggest indictment on Turner and his inability to make correct calls in the booth is this very season.

Blessed with a skilled quarterback who has a strong arm, rarely (other than last week's game against the Eagles) has Turner called for multiple deep patterns.  Geared with a team that features speedsters on the outside, the Bears' offense has yet to find consistent ways to get players such as Devin Hester and Johnny Knox the ball.

And that is why I would be hesitant to hire Mike Martz.

Like Turner, Martz had one sensational season as an offensive coordinator.  But unlike Turner, Martz had his this decade.  However, the signs of fraud stare Chicago fans square in the face.

When the Rams won the Super Bowl, they were known as the Greatest Show on Turf.  And everyone in Chicago knows the Soldier Field surface is nothing more than a joke ... especially when we get to the winter months.  Martz was fortunate to have some of the best talent in the game when he was calling the shots in St. Louis.

The Rams had two No. 1 receivers in Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt to compliment Marshall Faulk who was tearing it up in his prime.  Then there was Kurt Warner, whose arm, mind and body were as fresh as the groceries he once bagged before becoming big time.

They won the Super Bowl by inches, and then lost the next one by a foot.  (Specifically, Adam Vinatieri's foot.)

Since then, Martz's career has sputtered and it coincides with the decline of the careers of Bruce, Faulk and Holt.  Faulk is in some announcing booth right now, while Bruce and Holt are toiling away in San Francisco and Jacksonville, respectively.  The Rams have gone from the Greatest Show on Turf to the lamest.

Since leaving St. Louis, Martz has failed to be a productive coordinator.  He was given the keys to the Motor City and the Lions proceeded to continue in their spectacular sucky ways.  A year later he went to San Francisco ... and only after Vernon Davis and Fred Gore wallowed in misery was Martz shown the door by Mike Singletary.

With Martz out of the picture, Davis and Gore are flourishing despite having Shaun Hill and Alex Smith under center.  Shouldn't an offensive guru such as Martz have found a way to make the 49ers offense better than mediocre?

Probably.  But he didn't.

So, what makes Bears fans -- or more importantly Bears management -- feel so good about what Martz could do with Jay Cutler?  Tight end Greg Olsen, Cutler's favorite target, would be stifled by his own offensive coordinator.  Running back Matt Forte would likely follow Olsen's path into obscurity.  Devin Hester, Earl Bennett and Johnny Knox could benefit ... if we were a game of Madden.

And as bad as Turner has been, and as much as change could be great for Chicago, if Mike Martz is the answer, then I don't want to know what the question is.

Is Mike Martz on his way to Bears? [Sun-Times]
Martz denies report he's headed to Bears [Tribune]

Do The Bears Need Change At The Top?

I knew it wouldn't take long before the calls for heads to roll would be coming in.  And I don't blame Bears fans.  Not one bit.

There are only so many times you can put up with failed screen attempts, dive plays run for players who are barely tall enough to ride a rollercoaster.  Bubble screens on third and long.  Ron Turner's playbook is so vanilla, chocolate wants no part of it in a swirl.  It's bad and embarrassing.  And to think, Bears fans (myself included) thought there would be an improvement with Jay Cutler under center.

And while Devin Hester, Johnny Knox and Earl Bennett have stepped their games up, the Bears offense as a whole is still as boring as ever at times.

The only way the Bears are going to get change in the offense is if it says good-bye to Lovie Smith, who prior to this week's debacle, had done a pretty good job calling the defensive plays.  But Smith, who has two years remaining on his current deal, seemed to have had his playbook switched with the old Bob Babich kind.

So, where should the Bears go with this?  You'll see after the jump.

Mike Shanahan should be the Bears' top target.  If there is anyone on the open market who knows offense, it's the former boss of the Broncos.  The Oak Park, Ill., native owned a 138-86 record (.616 winning percentage) in his 14 years with the Broncos.  He won two Super Bowls and posted an 8-5 career postseason record.

You can easily dismiss Shanahan's record by saying the name John Elway, but it would be wrong to do so.  The Broncos ranked in the top five in rushing touchdowns seven times.  His stable of 1,000-yard backs included Terrell Davis, Olandis Gary, Tatum Bell, Mike Anderson, Reuben Droughns and Clinton Portis.  From 1995 to 2005, Shanahan's offenses ranked in the top 10 in league scoring in 10 of those 11 seasons.  The Broncos ranked 18th in a year in which the team was led by Brian Griese.

And remember, it was Shanhan's firing that opened the door for Josh McDaniels and the ensuing Jay Cutler hissyfit that sent him to Chicago.  I guess that would make too much sense.

Then there's Jon Gruden, who turned Brad Johnson into a Super Bowl winning quarterback.  Johnson put forth a pedestrian 26-23 record as the Buccaneers starting QB, but he went 10-3 in 2002 en route to a Super Bowl title.  Seriously, to this day Gruden must think to himself, "Damn, how did I win a Super Bowl with Brad Freakin' Johnson as my quarterback?" on a daily basis.

Gruden's passing offenses were among football's top 10 best six times in his 11 year head coaching career.  He coached the likes of Johnson and Rich Gannon.  Think about it.  On a good day, Johnson and Gannon combine to have one-tenth the athletic ability of Jay Cutler.  If presented the opportunity to coach up Cutler, Gruden would probably cream his pants and welcome himself on board for the ride.

Hell, I wouldn't mind a yet-to-be named coordinator ... as long as his name wasn't Ron Turner.  He would have to understand the concepts of "vertical passing game" and "scoring points" in order to get a second interview.  Then, as long as he agrees running Garrett Wolfe up the middle is among the worst ideas for an offensive play call, then he could be signed.

In the end, the biggest cure-all could be an offensive line that doesn't suck.  As much grief as Cutler took for mishandling several snaps, at what point does Olin Kreutz accept some of the heat?  It's not as if Cutler is the first signal caller that wasn't able to handle Kreutz's balls out of the shotgun (no homo) as Kyle Orton and Rex Grossman struggled mightily at times, too.

For one season, why couldn't we have Orlando Pace from four years ago?  That alone would give Cutler enough time to find an open Greg Olsen, right?

It's almost sad that I want to defend this coaching staff just a little bit.  While the Bears did improve at the quarterback position, there weren't enough upgrades elsewhere.  Some of this is because of the Bears' poor draft days.  Another reason is the lack of development when the Bears get something right.

Sunday's loss to Benson's Bengals is a cold slap-in-the-face.  Worst case scenario, the 2009 Bears are what I thought the 2008 Bears were.  Mediocre.