The Good, Bad & Ugly: Bears Hire Mike Martz

Under the dome in St. Louis, it was called The Greatest Show On Turf.  So, what will they call it once it hits Soldier Field? 

The Greatest Show On Sod?

In the end, the Chicago Bears finally hired Mike Martz as offensive coordinator, putting an end to a four-week circus that saw the Bears get turned down more times than the pimply faced nerd searching for a prom date. 

Eventually, the acne-challenged child (Lovie Smith) found the chick  who was really hot before she got coked out (Martz) in what will likely spawn the beginning of a new era or the beginning of the end of this era.

Let's break it down, shall we?

THE GOOD
Kurt Warner went from bagging groceries to bagging touchdowns, and fantasy football players went on to bag bragging rights and championship games.  He got the most out of Marshall Faulk and a lot out of Steven Jackson.  Everyone knows what Martz did in St. Louis, so let's focus on some recent history.

The biggest positive in hiring Martz is that unlike Ron Turner, the man who will be at the controls in 2010 has coordinated an offense that has been productive in this century.  Turner's archaic playbook was a drag on offense, and to be honest, it would be nice to see Jay Cutler's receivers run routes at the first down chains on third down rather than seeing bubble screens get blown up for a four-yard loss on 3rd-and-15.

Martz has also been known for quick turnarounds, which is something Bears fans are kind of used to.  At least I got used to seeing Bears running backs get turned around for losses.  But I guess that's what happens when a draw play is called on 3rd-and-11. 

In 2006, Martz turned Jon Kitna's age 34 season into a 4,000-yard campaign in his first year in Detroit.  One year later, Martz's offense really clicked through eight weeks as the Lions posted a 6-2 record in the season's first half.  Eventually, the wheels fell off, but it all can't be put on Detroit's offense as the defense was lit up down the stretch.

But it's hard to play defense when Matt Millen continues to draft wide receiver after wide receiver in the NFL draft.

If Martz can make the Lions offense look like a legitimate professional offense, I imagine he could work wonders with the jokers Jerry Angelo has drafted.

THE BAD
Mike Martz offenses have oftentimes forgotten about the use of tight ends, which of course was the Bears' offense's msot prolific weapon.

Which means if you were given a Greg Olsen jersey for Christmas, cherish it, for it might be the last time you see it for a while because it might not be seeing much time on the field.

Granted, without looking it up on Google, do you even know who the Rams' tight ends were during the glory years?  Probably not.  I'll admit that I can't.  I can tell you St. Louis had Isaac Bruce as a legit No. 1 threat.  Then they had Torry Holt, who would have been a No. 1 option on almost any other team, as a No. 2 option.  Az Hakim was an excellent kick/punt returner Martz was able to get the ball to in the open field.

The Bears have that guy in Devin Hester.  The catch?  Chicago expects him to be Bruce or Holt, when he's really just another Az Hakim.

THE UGLY
With the addition of Martz as offensive coordinator and Mike Tice as offensive line coach, the Bears have three former NFL head coaches working under Lovie Smith.  In most cases, I would consider that to be a good thing.

However, the three combined to go 95-103 in 14 total seasons as NFL head coaches.  Martz (53-32) was clearly the most successful while Tice was a mediocre 32-33 with the Minnesota Vikings and Marinelli was downright awful with a 10-38 record with the Detroit Lions.

In other words, the Bears have spent the last two offseasons hiring the outcasts of division rivals whose coaching success ranges from "Meh" to "Cutlerfucked" on the Luda scale of coaching success.

I guess they'll fit in just fine.

Bears Shouldn't Want Mike Martz

If Bears fans were asked if they would like Mike Martz as the team's new offensive coordinator, their answer would be a resounding yes.  If only because his name is not Ron Turner.  Yet, should the Bears want the nutty coordinator?

The answer might be a resounding no.

I mean, don't get me wrong.  I am under the impression that anything would be an upgrade to Ron Turner's offense.  I refuse to go as far as some Bears fans who question Turner's sexuality or manhood ... I just have a problem with his play calling.  The biggest indictment on Turner and his inability to make correct calls in the booth is this very season.

Blessed with a skilled quarterback who has a strong arm, rarely (other than last week's game against the Eagles) has Turner called for multiple deep patterns.  Geared with a team that features speedsters on the outside, the Bears' offense has yet to find consistent ways to get players such as Devin Hester and Johnny Knox the ball.

And that is why I would be hesitant to hire Mike Martz.

Like Turner, Martz had one sensational season as an offensive coordinator.  But unlike Turner, Martz had his this decade.  However, the signs of fraud stare Chicago fans square in the face.

When the Rams won the Super Bowl, they were known as the Greatest Show on Turf.  And everyone in Chicago knows the Soldier Field surface is nothing more than a joke ... especially when we get to the winter months.  Martz was fortunate to have some of the best talent in the game when he was calling the shots in St. Louis.

The Rams had two No. 1 receivers in Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt to compliment Marshall Faulk who was tearing it up in his prime.  Then there was Kurt Warner, whose arm, mind and body were as fresh as the groceries he once bagged before becoming big time.

They won the Super Bowl by inches, and then lost the next one by a foot.  (Specifically, Adam Vinatieri's foot.)

Since then, Martz's career has sputtered and it coincides with the decline of the careers of Bruce, Faulk and Holt.  Faulk is in some announcing booth right now, while Bruce and Holt are toiling away in San Francisco and Jacksonville, respectively.  The Rams have gone from the Greatest Show on Turf to the lamest.

Since leaving St. Louis, Martz has failed to be a productive coordinator.  He was given the keys to the Motor City and the Lions proceeded to continue in their spectacular sucky ways.  A year later he went to San Francisco ... and only after Vernon Davis and Fred Gore wallowed in misery was Martz shown the door by Mike Singletary.

With Martz out of the picture, Davis and Gore are flourishing despite having Shaun Hill and Alex Smith under center.  Shouldn't an offensive guru such as Martz have found a way to make the 49ers offense better than mediocre?

Probably.  But he didn't.

So, what makes Bears fans -- or more importantly Bears management -- feel so good about what Martz could do with Jay Cutler?  Tight end Greg Olsen, Cutler's favorite target, would be stifled by his own offensive coordinator.  Running back Matt Forte would likely follow Olsen's path into obscurity.  Devin Hester, Earl Bennett and Johnny Knox could benefit ... if we were a game of Madden.

And as bad as Turner has been, and as much as change could be great for Chicago, if Mike Martz is the answer, then I don't want to know what the question is.

Is Mike Martz on his way to Bears? [Sun-Times]
Martz denies report he's headed to Bears [Tribune]