NFL Wild Card Drinking Game Part III

There are times in sports where boozing is necessary.  Especially if you are a Detroit Lions fan.

And if you have nothing better to do than watch football on a Sunday with your friends and a few frosty adult beverages, then you are living the good life. 

The following is an instruction manual on how to watch football, booze up and leave some room to be productive at work on Monday




Packers @ Cardinals

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Any time a player gets injured and Kurt Warner is the first one to kneel and pray
  
• Screen shot or mention of Larry Fitzgerald's sports writing dad
  
• Either team runs a play and you think to yourself "Is Ron Turner calling these plays?" (two shots for a run up the middle, finish if the play loses yardage; finish if you find yourself saying "I wish the Bears could run that play after a play that gains yards)
• Reference of Anquan Boldin's contract squabbles
  
• Any screen shot of Brenda Warner
  

 If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Whenever Troy Aikman talks about his glory years
  
• Any time a friend references the Paul Rudd/Joe Buck video
  
• Whenever a Packers player's name is obscured by his hair
• Any reference to Kurt Warner bagging groceries
  

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Any mention of Brett Favre
  
• Any time a friend makes a Matt Leinart/college girls joke
  
• Whenever Aaron Rodgers gets sacked
  
• If someone asks if Jermichael Finley was the guy who used to play for the Dallas Mavericks
  

If any of the following occurs, call a designated driver not named "Stallworth":

• If Matt Leinart enters the game.
  

For the record, we're took the Ravens Patriots in the early game and Cardinals today.

Might be the only time you get a Cubs fan to cheer for the Cardinals

NFL Wild Card Drinking Game Part II

There are times in sports where boozing is necessary.  Especially if you are a Detroit Lions fan.

And if you have nothing better to do than watch football on a Sunday with your friends and a few frosty adult beverages, then you are living the good life.  The following is an instruction manual on how to watch football, booze up and leave some room in the tank for game two.

Ravens @ Patriots

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Any reference to the Patriots' dynasty
  
• Any reference of the Ravens' 2000 Super Bowl championship
  
• Either team runs a play and you think to yourself "Is Ron Turner calling these plays?" (two shots for a run up the middle, finish if the play loses yardage; finish if you find yourself saying "I wish the Bears could run that play)
• Any mention of Spygate
• Any time you hear "overcoming adversity"

If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Any reference to Bill Belichick's wardrobe.
• Any reference of Tom Brady's very attractive wife.
  
• Any mention of John Harbaugh's brother, Jim.
  
• Any time an announcer makes reference to missing Wes Welker
  
• Any reference to former Ravens DC Rex Ryan or the Jets
  

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Announcers reference Ray Lewis' passion
  
• Announcers mention Patriots won more games last year, but missed playoffs
  
• Announcers make note that Tom Brady has never lost a home playoff game
• Any time you hear "these teams know how to win"
  
• Any reference of the Patriots' perfect season
  

If any of the following occurs, make sure you hire a designated driver not named "Stallworth"

• Any time you are reminded Gisele is more attractive than your girlfriend
• Any time you make it known to your girlfriend that she is not as attractive as Gisele.
  

We'll have the Cardinals/Packers drinking game later.

NFL Wild Card Drinking Game Part I

There are times in sports where boozing is necessary.  Especially if you are a Detroit Lions fan.

And if you have nothing better to do than watch football on a Saturday with your friends and a few frosty adult beverages, then you are living the good life.  The following is an instruction manual on how to watch football, booze up and leave some room in the tank for Sunday's action.

Jets @ Bengals

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Any reference made to Brett Favre's one year with the Jets.
  
• Any reference to the Bengals' image change
  
• Either team runs a play and you think to yourself "Is Ron Turner calling these plays?" (two shots for a run up the middle, finish if the play loses yardage; finish if you find yourself saying "I wish the Bears could run that play)
• Any Chris Henry reference (finish drink for a Chris Henry montage)
• Any time you hear "overcoming adversity"

If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Whenever Mark Sanchez throws into double or triple coverage
• Cedric Benson fumbles the ball
• Any mention of Thomas Jones' workout regimen
• Any time your friend makes a Rex Ryan fat joke
• Any mention of the Braylon Edwards midseason trade

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Announcers reference Cedric Benson's time with the Bears
• Announcers reference Thomas Jones' time with the Bears
• Announcers note Benson & Jones were teammates on Bears Super Bowl team
• Any time you find yourself wanting to call the Jets QB "Dirty" Sanchez
• Announcers accidentally call Chad Ochocinco, "Chad Johnson"

If any of the following occurs, call a designated driver not named "Stallworth"

• Any mention of Cedric Benson's party boat
• Cedric Benson shows up at your party with the blonde hotties from the party boat 
  

Eagles @ Cowboys

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Any reference to Wade Phillips being winless in playoff games
• Any reference to Andy Reid being undefeated on Wildcard Weekend
• Either team runs a play and you think to yourself "Is Ron Turner calling these plays?" (two shots for a run up the middle, finish if the play loses yardage; finish if you find yourself saying "I wish the Bears could run that play)
• Any reference to Terrell Owens time with the Cowboys and/or Eagles (two shots for video montage)
• Any time you hear "overcoming adversity"

 If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Any mention of how hard it is to beat a team three times
• Any time your friend changes Tony Romo's name to "Tony Homo"
• Any reference to Mike Vick's legal troubles (finish your drink if there is a mention to the Cowboys' past legal troubles)
• Any time you think to yourself "Wade Phillips looks like a pissed off fat kid."
• Screen shot of Jerry Jones

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Screen shot of Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders
• Any reference to the Dallas Cowboys' glory years
• Any time you think to yourself, "Geez, when is Andy Reid going to call a running play?"
• Any time Roy Williams drops a catchable ball
• DeSean Jackson scores a touchdown from 40-yards out or more  
  

 If any of the following occurs, call a designated driver not named "Stallworth":

• Any time anyone makes reference to Nate Newton and his trunk full of blow
• Nate Newton shows up at your place with said blow

For the record, we're taking the Bengals and Eagles in tonight's match-ups.  Even though in our heart, we really want to take the Jets because of our ties to fellow SIU alum Bart Scott.

We'll be cheering for you, El Barto!

The Weekender: Bears vs. Packers Drinking Game

What better way to end your week than with a unique way to watch one of football's best rivalries, along with your regular dump of assorted links from throughout the internet.

Yeah, I've slouched on Pigskin Pimpin' of late.  But this will make up for it.  I promise.  And if it doesn't?  Well.  Lower your standards.

Jerk.

Bears Drinking Game

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Jay Cutler throws an interception
• Jay Cutler complains to an official
• Jay Cutler overthrows an open receiver
  
• Matt Forte runs the ball up the middle
• Ron Turner calls a wide receiver screen (two shots if play loses yardage)
  

If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Any reference made to Brett Favre
• Any mention, or insinuation of "Chicago Bear weather"
• Any reference of the relationship between Jay Cutler and Greg Olsen
  
• Screen shot of a shirtless fan
• Screen shot of a Packers fan
  

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Lovie Smith loses a challenge
• Any reference made to the Bears' crummy playing surface
• Any time Thom Brenneman mentions how great/patient Chicago fans are
• Any reference of Jerry Angelo, Lovie Smith or Ron Turner's job security
  

If any of the following occurs, call a designated driver and hope his name isn't Tony La Russa or Donte Stallworth:

• Bears lose
• Jay Cutler throws 3 or more interceptions
• Packers lose (hey, we want to see drunk cheeseheads, don't we?)
  

Call in sick to work on Monday:

• If Thom Brenneman mentions Tim Tebow

The chicks:

Now the links:

• Bill Plaschke crowns "Sleaze" as the sports thingy of the year. We'll have our sportsperson of the year award coming up as soon as we find a clever name for it.
• Do you remember what you wrote in my yearbook? This site does.
• I sent this well-written piece over to the guys at Hire Jim Essian, and I figure if the Cubs ever want to move Crazy Uncle Milton out of right field, maybe they should make him their beat writer.
• Quote of the Year: “You don’t want to go to a college where they ain’t pretty." From this NY Times story.
• Hitler isn't thrilled about the Cubs' chances in the winter meetings, and is unhappy about Tiger cheating on his wife.
• Video of the week that describes how I feel whenever the Bears need a game-winning drive from Jay Cutler.
  

VIDEO OF THE WEEK PART TWO ... and I'm swagger-jackin' this from HJE, "They finally released the video footage of Tony LaRussa after the Cardinals got swept out of the playoffs last year"

VIDEO OF THE WEEK PART THREE ... The one where I suddenly want to enroll at Tennessee and go to grad school.

Run along now, kids.  It's Friday and you should all be getting your Becky on!



Image via