NFL Wild Card Drinking Game Part III

There are times in sports where boozing is necessary.  Especially if you are a Detroit Lions fan.

And if you have nothing better to do than watch football on a Sunday with your friends and a few frosty adult beverages, then you are living the good life. 

The following is an instruction manual on how to watch football, booze up and leave some room to be productive at work on Monday




Packers @ Cardinals

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Any time a player gets injured and Kurt Warner is the first one to kneel and pray
  
• Screen shot or mention of Larry Fitzgerald's sports writing dad
  
• Either team runs a play and you think to yourself "Is Ron Turner calling these plays?" (two shots for a run up the middle, finish if the play loses yardage; finish if you find yourself saying "I wish the Bears could run that play after a play that gains yards)
• Reference of Anquan Boldin's contract squabbles
  
• Any screen shot of Brenda Warner
  

 If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Whenever Troy Aikman talks about his glory years
  
• Any time a friend references the Paul Rudd/Joe Buck video
  
• Whenever a Packers player's name is obscured by his hair
• Any reference to Kurt Warner bagging groceries
  

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Any mention of Brett Favre
  
• Any time a friend makes a Matt Leinart/college girls joke
  
• Whenever Aaron Rodgers gets sacked
  
• If someone asks if Jermichael Finley was the guy who used to play for the Dallas Mavericks
  

If any of the following occurs, call a designated driver not named "Stallworth":

• If Matt Leinart enters the game.
  

For the record, we're took the Ravens Patriots in the early game and Cardinals today.

Might be the only time you get a Cubs fan to cheer for the Cardinals

Pigskin Pimpin On A Sunday Night: Bears, Salukis & Much More

Your favorite football feature that is chock-full of cheerleaders is back.

The there were two winners in Sunday's Bears-Cardinals game.  Fantasy football players and, of course, the Cardinals.  Kurt Warner threw five touchdowns, two of which went to Larry Fitzgerald, who notched 123 receiving yards.  Jay Cutler threw for 369 yards and three touchdowns.  All three of said touchdowns went to Greg "G-Reg" Olsen, who became the first Chicago tight end to grab three TD passes since Marty Booker did so in 2001.

Heck, I'm surprised it has been that long, seeing that the Bears haven't had a quarterback since Sid Luckman or a tight end that could catch three passes in a game since Mike Ditka.

However, there were plenty of losers ... the biggest being Chicago DT Tommie Harris.  Wow.  I'll be the first to say that I didn't see the play in real time (because yours truly was cooking up a storm on the grill) but upon further review, his play was inexcusable.  Disgusting to say the least.  It truly was an omen for the Bears defense, which was pummeled by Warner, Fitzgerald and the Cardinals.

However, I feel as if there is something missing in this entire thing, for this is not the Tommie Harris that Bears fans have come to know and love.  Since coming to Chicago, Harris has been one of the most charitable players in the organization while coming off as a humble, stand-up kind of guy.

Then there's the last couple of years, where Harris has fallen apart.  Not playing hard in games.  Not practicing.  Being held out of games.  Holding himself out of games.  So, what's up with No. 91?  Two sources have suggested that Harris is going through some personal problems, which could be distracting Harris on the gridiron.

As for solving this problem right now, a suspension makes sense.  But after that, where do you go with a guy who has lots of years and lots of money still coming to him.

Big ups to The Alma Mater, clinching a playoff berth and a Missouri Valley Football Conference championship with a 34-15 win at South Dakota State.  The No. 3 Salukis opened up a 34-3 lead in the first three quarters of the game against the No. 9 Jackrabbits on their home turf.  The SIU offense took it to SDSU, a team that ranks among the best in the FCS.  Well, that is ranked among the best before Deji Karim rushed for 127 yards to highlight the fireworks.  Quarterback Paul McIntosh added 76 yards on the ground as well.

Think people are still worried about losing Chris Dieker?  I hate to say I told you so, but that would be a lie.

SIU could further solidify its playoff seeding starting Saturday in what will be the last regular season game played at McAndrew Stadium

Southern looks like it is for real and is playing like a team that realizes it is doing something special.  Here's hoping they could keep it up.

Remember when Michigan was good?  You know.  They were nationally ranked and had just knocked off Notre Dame?  Yeah, well that seems like a distant memory now.  The Wolverines are looking like an average team after looking like they were headed to a big bowl game earlier in the season.

I'll chalk a part of the mediocrity to the growing pains of having new players in a new system.  But that's only 10 percent.  The other 90 percent has to come from Rich Rodriguez and his recruiting.  Truth be told, I think Michigan is only one player from being an elite college football team.

Unfortunately, that guy is the quarterback of The Ohio State University.

This whole situation would be a lot better if Terrell Pryor was under center at Michigan.  Remember all those Vince Young comparisons?  They make sense now.  In two years, it's easy to see that Pryor struggles in The Sweatervest's pro-style sets, but excels when he gets to make plays by being mobile.

I'll be under the assumption that Rich Rod could turn it around sooner, rather than later.  C'mon.  He lured Adam "Pacman" Jones and Chris Henry to play football at Morgantown, W. Va.  How could you not get Terrell Pryor to play at Michigan?

Michigan's loss is only softened by the loss of Notre Dame to Navy.

Fighting Irish fans need to start looking at things on a wider scale.  Charlie Weis is taking your team to another bowl game and has produced two pro quarterbacks.  Shouldn't you be happy?

Oh, that's right, you're not.  You're Notre Dame and everything should be handed on a golden platter.  Guess what?  It's not the 1980s anymore.  If you think Jon Gruden is going to save your team?  Think again.  Urban Meyer?  Haha.

News flash, Golden Domers.  South Bend, Ind., is no longer a destination location for high schoolers.  They don't care about the famed Notre Dame mystique, mostly because they weren't alive for it.  You might care about it, but they don't.  Your average 18-year-old high schooler wants to spend the next four years of his life in a place with warm weather and hot babes.

Florida, Texas and California have all three of those.  And that's why those three states have some of the best college football teams.  As a life-long Midwesterner, I know that the winters are very cold and very gray.  Often, I've wanted to escape the lethargic nature that comes with the fall and winter in the middle west.

But if I was a legit college prospects, these would be the most important factors in my college recruitment in order of preference.

1. Girl-to-Guy ratio.
2. Playing time.
3. Location.
4. Coaching
   

Now, that's different from a normal college student.  Kind of.

1. Location: Far enough to be away from the parents, close enough to be a respectable drive home. Far enough south to limit the brutal winters.
2. Instead of playing time, SIU played to my interest in sports writing.
3. My one mistake was ignoring the girl-to-guy ratio.  Probably shouldn't have overlooked that one.
   

So, Irish fans, remember that when you're not bowling with the big boys ... but bowling nonetheless.

Pennsylvania Is The State of Champions

Random post-Super Bowl thoughts as not to take away from Tuesday's Super Bowl column.

• I'm pretty sure the Pittsburgh Steelers channel the Lovie Smith Cover-2 on Larry Fitzgerald's 64-yard touchdown catch in the fourth quarter.
• If Ben Roethlishotdogpolishitaliansausageberger would not have connected with Steely McDong, Larry Fitzgerald's sports writin' daddy or Kurt Warner's suddenly kind of hot wife get MVP consideration from me.
• Kissing Suzy Kolber wins Post-SB Blog Headline of the year: "MVPeepee." I'm still laughing.
• Speaking of Fitty's daddy, how many times do you think he changed the lead (or lede) in his story?
  
• I'm still waiting for the refs to go to the booth for an official review.
• But seriously, are the refs throwing flags or Terrible Towels?
• Is it me or did this year's commercials suck? There were a few good ones, but there always are. But the rest were mediocre. If feel as if some companies just wasted $3 million for 30 seconds of crap.
  
• How long until a wealthy NFLer charters Swag U or THE School of Hard Knocks as a place of higher education?
  
• But seriously, what's the point of having instant replay if you're not going to use it?
• Think John McCain (R-Ariz.) is rounding up his buddies and starting a Congressional investigation on the use of instant replay in sports.
• Even Ed Hoculli thinks he couldn't have f*cked that up.
  

My Guide To The Super Bowl

I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to convince myself that the Arizona Cardinals have a chance to win their first Super Bowl against the high and mighty Pittsburgh Steelers.

Then, Sunday night in Evansville, Ind., as I ate a meat-filled calzone with people like me with similar interests, I came to the conclusion when you have to go out of your way to convince yourself said underdog has a chance to slay the giant meanie ... then usually the underdog gets put under.

And even though I am cheering for the underdog and went on the record in choosing the Cardinals, I'm not going to be surprised when the Steelers win 46-17.

There's plenty of reasons to be cheering for the Cards this weekend.

I'll start with their offense. Kurt Warner went from the UNI Dome to bag boy to baller to Eli's back up and then back to baller. No truth to the rumor, however, that he was Matt Leinart's mentor when it comes to the beer bong.

Tim Hightower had a few good fantasy weeks for me and the fact that he's from FCS (fmr. Div I-AA) power Richmond, he gives the smaller schools a good rep. If he starts today, he'll be the second straight former I-AAer to start at the running back position in the big game joining SIU's Brandon Jacobs, who started for the New York Giants last season.

And unlike the Chicago Bears' offense, the Cardinals feature three receivers that can catch the ball as Anquan Boldin, Steve Breaston and Larry Fitzgerald have more talent in one hand than the entire Bears receiver unit.

In addition to having good numbers, they have the storyline of being a suckfest that the Cubs fan inside me can relate to.

As for the Steelers, they're good.

They've been good for a long time and have five Super Bowl rings to prove it.

Their defense was ranked No. 1 across the board leading the entire NFL in rush defense, pass defense, points per game, angry linebackers, Terrible Towel waving, injuries inflicted on the opposition and SportsCenter Top Plays.

But don't sleep on the Steelers' offense.

It's efficient, to say the least, and will be just fine as long as Ben Roethlishotdogpolishitaliansausageberger can stay away from motorcycles.

Willie Parker is fast. Hines Ward can do it all as a receiver, and truth is he's a better quarterback than anyone on the Bears, Vikings or Lions' roster right now. And Santonio Holmes has naked pictures of himself floating around the internet. Oh yeah, so does their kicker.

Now that's an offensive "unit" you can't mess with.

So there you have it sports fans.

There's a game on today that each team has its own reason on why it may or may not win.

Good luck and stay classy Pittsbazona!

This post is gonna be Super!

To the victors go the spoils, everyone knows that. But to the losers go the really big headlines so to not forget how much of a failure you are.

So while Super Bowl week will revolve around the Pittsburgh Steelers and Arizona Cardinals, let's remember the teams that didn't make it with a moment of silence.

...

Thank you.

...

Now, let's talk some Super Bowl.

No one expected the Cardinals to be here, not even the biggest, baddest most die-hardest fan of the former Chicago franchise. But let's be honest, how many people expected the Steelers to be here, too.

Look at the preseason prognosticators and you'll see a lot of New England, Indianapolis, San Diego and Jacksonville projections for the big game. And all of those teams had good cases in the preseason, while the Colts and Bolts had a chance to make their mark because they actually made the playoffs.

The only team with a complaint should be the Pats.

They won 11 games and beat the Super Birds by a convincing 527 to negative-12 score in snowy Foxboro, Mass. If this was the B.C.S. (which it thankfully is not) every blogger in America would be pitching a bitch-fit over this injustice that would get blown so out of proportion, it would rival the inhumane treatment of sweatshop workers according to guys hanging out in their parents' basement.

I digress.

Arizona is who we thought they were: A team that won its games if (AND ONLY IF) they outscored its opponents. Granted, you can't win if you don't score and you can't win if you score fewer points than the team you're playing ... but the birds were at their best when they soared in shootouts.

As for the Steelers, they're better than we thought they were: A gritty defensive club with just enough offense to get by. A healthy Willie Parker, a steady Hines Ward and the emerging presence of Santonio Holmes (who moves faster than those Steely McDong photos across the internet) make Pittsburgh's pummeling team dangerous.

And before you say the Cardinals have no chance to upset the Steelers, I will go on the record and say that they do.

They made it here, didn't they?

Can the Unthinkable Happen?

As I'm sure everyone's aware of, the Arizona Cardinals are headed to Tampa to partake in Super Bowl XLIII.

Yes, the Arizona Cardinals are in the Super Bowl.

For years, everyone lumped this franchise in with other bottom-feeders such as Detroit, Oakland, and Cincinnati. But in just his second year at the helm in Phoenix, Ken Whisenhunt has done the unthinkable as he has taken his team to the biggest game of all.

And Arizona's going to be facing something eerily similar in the Super Bowl that they have in the last three playoff games. Once again, the Cardinals will be the underdog, this time to the Pittsburgh Steelers. Not only have the Cardinals embraced the role of the underdog, they also have some very recent history to feel good about.

Just last year, the New York Giants entered the playoffs as the fifth seed in the NFC. Their road to the championship has been described as the toughest road that any team has ever taken en route to a title. They began by going on the road against Tampa Bay and defeating the Buccaners. Then the following week, they stunned the #1 seed Dallas Cowboys at Texas Stadium. They then managed to overcome sub-zero conditions and Lawrence Tynes' chokejob at the end of regulation to beat the Packers at Lambeau Field to advance to the Super Bowl. One of the biggest upsets in sports history happened two weeks later at the University of Phoenix Stadium (where the Cardinals call home) by defeating the 18-0 New England Patriots.

The blueprint is there for the Cardinals. And an even bigger blueprint is that coach Ken Whisenhunt and assistant head coach/offensive line coach Russ Grimm were assistants on the Steelers' Super Bowl winning team just three short years ago under Bill Cowher. A lot has changed then as Cowher retired and Mike Tomlin has stepped in. But in a regular season game at Arizona last year, the Cardinals were able to defeat the Steelers in Week 3 to give Whisenhunt his first career victory as an NFL head coach.

The Cardinals may have been a 9-7 team to reach the playoffs, but they are a much different team than they were in the regular season. The offensive line grew more confident in their run-blocking abilities as Edgerrin James has had a career revival of sorts after wanting to be released by the Cardinals just a few weeks before the beginning of the playoffs. Tim Hightower has been a huge addition for the Cardinals as a goal line back, including catching the game-winning touchdown throw from Kurt Warner in today's NFC Championship Game.

While the Cardinals are running the ball much better than at any point of the season, they still have their explosive downfield game as Larry Fitzgerald is having one of the best postseasons of any player in league history. Anquan Boldin might be playing in his final game as a Cardinal at Tampa in two weeks, but he is still a top five receiver in the league. Even though Steve Breaston is the Cardinals third wideout, there's no question that he could be a number one receiver on several teams in the league, especially teams like the Bears and Raiders. Oh, and that Kurt Warner guy is still kind of good as well.

The Steelers are going to pose a very tough challenge to the Cardinals assault with the number one defense in all of football. I believe that they'll more than likely be able to handle the Cardinals ground game. But all throughout the postseason, the Cardinals have been able to feed off of the opponents' ability just to respect that ground game. When the Cardinals spread the field and go to their four wide receiver package, will the Steelers be able to match up with the speed of Steve Breaston and Jeremy Urban? Plus Larry Fitzgerald has proven that as long as you throw the ball up to him in his general direction, he'll come down with the ball even if he's in the middle of two defenders.

It's an exciting time to be one of the few legitimate Arizona Cardinal fans down here in Carbondale. The Packers will always hold a much higher standing in my heart. More than likely, I would've broken down after a game like this if the Packers were in it and won (sort of like last year except with a better outcome). And all of this is possible thanks to the likes of Josh McCown and Nate Poole. Without them, I'd just be like everyone else down here and probably wouldn't care all that much that the Cardinals are in the Super Bowl (for people that don't know what I'm talking about: check out the YouTube video below.)

The unthinkable is about to take place in Tampa Bay on February 1st. The Arizona Cardinals will raise the Vince Lombardi trophy as kings of the football world.