NFL Wild Card Drinking Game Part III

There are times in sports where boozing is necessary.  Especially if you are a Detroit Lions fan.

And if you have nothing better to do than watch football on a Sunday with your friends and a few frosty adult beverages, then you are living the good life. 

The following is an instruction manual on how to watch football, booze up and leave some room to be productive at work on Monday




Packers @ Cardinals

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Any time a player gets injured and Kurt Warner is the first one to kneel and pray
  
• Screen shot or mention of Larry Fitzgerald's sports writing dad
  
• Either team runs a play and you think to yourself "Is Ron Turner calling these plays?" (two shots for a run up the middle, finish if the play loses yardage; finish if you find yourself saying "I wish the Bears could run that play after a play that gains yards)
• Reference of Anquan Boldin's contract squabbles
  
• Any screen shot of Brenda Warner
  

 If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Whenever Troy Aikman talks about his glory years
  
• Any time a friend references the Paul Rudd/Joe Buck video
  
• Whenever a Packers player's name is obscured by his hair
• Any reference to Kurt Warner bagging groceries
  

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Any mention of Brett Favre
  
• Any time a friend makes a Matt Leinart/college girls joke
  
• Whenever Aaron Rodgers gets sacked
  
• If someone asks if Jermichael Finley was the guy who used to play for the Dallas Mavericks
  

If any of the following occurs, call a designated driver not named "Stallworth":

• If Matt Leinart enters the game.
  

For the record, we're took the Ravens Patriots in the early game and Cardinals today.

Might be the only time you get a Cubs fan to cheer for the Cardinals

The Weekender: Bears vs. Packers Drinking Game

What better way to end your week than with a unique way to watch one of football's best rivalries, along with your regular dump of assorted links from throughout the internet.

Yeah, I've slouched on Pigskin Pimpin' of late.  But this will make up for it.  I promise.  And if it doesn't?  Well.  Lower your standards.

Jerk.

Bears Drinking Game

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Jay Cutler throws an interception
• Jay Cutler complains to an official
• Jay Cutler overthrows an open receiver
  
• Matt Forte runs the ball up the middle
• Ron Turner calls a wide receiver screen (two shots if play loses yardage)
  

If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Any reference made to Brett Favre
• Any mention, or insinuation of "Chicago Bear weather"
• Any reference of the relationship between Jay Cutler and Greg Olsen
  
• Screen shot of a shirtless fan
• Screen shot of a Packers fan
  

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Lovie Smith loses a challenge
• Any reference made to the Bears' crummy playing surface
• Any time Thom Brenneman mentions how great/patient Chicago fans are
• Any reference of Jerry Angelo, Lovie Smith or Ron Turner's job security
  

If any of the following occurs, call a designated driver and hope his name isn't Tony La Russa or Donte Stallworth:

• Bears lose
• Jay Cutler throws 3 or more interceptions
• Packers lose (hey, we want to see drunk cheeseheads, don't we?)
  

Call in sick to work on Monday:

• If Thom Brenneman mentions Tim Tebow

The chicks:

Now the links:

• Bill Plaschke crowns "Sleaze" as the sports thingy of the year. We'll have our sportsperson of the year award coming up as soon as we find a clever name for it.
• Do you remember what you wrote in my yearbook? This site does.
• I sent this well-written piece over to the guys at Hire Jim Essian, and I figure if the Cubs ever want to move Crazy Uncle Milton out of right field, maybe they should make him their beat writer.
• Quote of the Year: “You don’t want to go to a college where they ain’t pretty." From this NY Times story.
• Hitler isn't thrilled about the Cubs' chances in the winter meetings, and is unhappy about Tiger cheating on his wife.
• Video of the week that describes how I feel whenever the Bears need a game-winning drive from Jay Cutler.
  

VIDEO OF THE WEEK PART TWO ... and I'm swagger-jackin' this from HJE, "They finally released the video footage of Tony LaRussa after the Cardinals got swept out of the playoffs last year"

VIDEO OF THE WEEK PART THREE ... The one where I suddenly want to enroll at Tennessee and go to grad school.

Run along now, kids.  It's Friday and you should all be getting your Becky on!



Image via

Out Of Hibernation: The Segment Formerly Known As Bears Buzz

Sometime Sunday afternoon, I came up with a more clever name for the blog responsible for the Chicago Bears round-up segment.  Though it lacks the alliteration of Bears Buzz, it is name that seems to fit Bears rewind blogs -- especially after yesterday's game against the Cleveland Browns.

Talk about being Cutlerfucked.  The Bears offense was only able to muster 30 points against the 31st ranked defense in the NFL.  Pathetic.  You can chalk up this anemic offensive effort to a lack of execution and piss poor play calling.

Cutler threw for only 225 yards and a 66 passer rating, but in his defense, it's hard to complete passes down the field when you're flat on your back or running for dear life.  Rex Grossman found that out the hard way.  So did Kyle Orton.  The difference is Cutler has made plays with his feet, but thanks to Rob Ryan's stingy play calling (combined with an offensive line that truly is offensive) Cutler couldn't cut it against the Browns.

At what point will the Bears try to assist Cutler by leaving a back or a tight end to help block because I don't expect offensive coordinator Ron Turner to adjust his pass protection schemes any time soon.  Not because he wouldn't want to, but instead because he just might be too incompetent to do so.  The Bears offense is wasting the fast development of Devin Hester, Johnny Knox and Earl Bennett, all while stunting the growth of Greg Olsen.

Remember how the Bears defensive line coach took the axe last season for Bob Babich?  Anyone know who the Bears offensive line coach is?  If so, warn him of what happened to his former colleague.  Besides, that's how Chicago ended up with Rod Marinelli, isn't it?

One week after sleep walking through a 45-10 loss at Cincinnati, the Bears defense stepped up and forced five Cleveland turnovers.  Those five turnovers turned into 20 of the team's 30 points, including a Charles Tillman pick-six.

Chicago was able to pressure Derek Anderson throughout the game, which was a sign of progress for a defense that failed to lay a single finger on Cincinnati quarterback Carson Palmer.  Remember when Anderson was a must-have free agent quarterback?  Yeah, I vaguely remember that offseason.  Braylon Edwards was good, so was Kellen Winslow.

Where the Browns have failed the most is on draft day.  Do you think they're regretting taking offensive lineman Joe Thomas rather than running back Adrian Peterson?

If the Bears offense was a joke in Sunday's win, the Browns' offense was the punchline.

I could fill this space with an expletive filled rant.  I won't.

Instead, I'll politely ask Ron Turner to turn in his play book and kindly ask him to never return to Soldier Field again.  Bland and predictable, Turner's offense looks like it has yet to move on beyond the early-to-mid 1990s.  There is personnel on the field that is capable of scoring more than 30 points against Cleveland.

The Bears have struggled in the red zone this season, and that's great for Robbie Gould's fantasy owners, but not good for a team that needs to score touchdowns seeing that its best defensive player is out for the season while the team's best healthy defender has mentally checked out as well.

Runs up the middle with guys marginally bigger than your local high school baller.  Screen passes on 3rd and long situations.  It's a playbook so conservative, conservative politicians think it's too damn radical.  Heck, even when the Bears broke out into the Wildcat formation ... they lost yards.

Only under Ron Turner could this happen.

Turner has been around this game a long time, but so have John Madden NFL video games.  Maybe if Turner uploaded the recent Madden NFL 10 updates, he could learn a thing or two just by asking Madden.

And just when you thought the Bears offense was the worse, I'm reminded of the Oakland Raiders.

Two touchdowns, 121 yards from scrimmage (90 rushing) ... welcome back Matt Forte.  If only for one week.

CBS spent more time re-telling the sad story of how the Bears have had a billion shitty quarterbacks since Sid Luckman than they did on honoring Walter Payton.  While the references throughout the game were a nice touch, showing only about 10 seconds of the halftime tribute left me wanting more.

Thankfully, chicagobears.com comes through in the clutch.  Just like Sweetness did time and again.

Favretoberfest is o-vah!  Brett Favre conquered his former team at his former home as the Vikings held off the Packers in a 38-26 win.

The game left me with the following conclusions:

• Aaron Rodgers is the real deal.
• No one in the NFC North is catching the Vikings.
• The only person Thom Brenneman loves more than Brett Favre is Tim Tebow.
• I wish the Bears had the Vikings' Adrian Peterson.
  

I guess I'll start with my analysis of Aaron Rodgers, who has been the NFC North's best quarterback this year.  Blah. Blah. Brett Favre this.  Brett Favre that.  With no offensive line, a declining Ryan Grant and a swiss-cheese defense, Rodgers has thrown for 1,989 yards and 14 touchdowns against 2 interceptions.

Does he benefit from having excellent receivers in Greg Jennings and Donald Driver.  Sure.  But Rodgers has been harassed more than the only girl at a college frat party.

If you want to crown 'em, then crown 'em.  The Minnesota Vikings are going to win the NFC North barring some kind of stunning collapse that is generally reserved for the Chicago Cubs.  Their defense is good and their offense is efficient.  It doesn't hurt when you have Adrian Peterson, but it is the emergence of Sidney Rice and Percy Harvin that keep this team moving forward.

Harvin is the new Devin Hester.  Do not kick to him under any circumstances.

The only shot the Bears have at a playoff spot will be to win a Wild Card berth.  They'll have to duke it out with the second place finishers of the NFC East and NFC South.  The Bears already blew it against Atlanta, but they can make it up at home where they play four of their next six games.

As for Favre, I'm sick of the divorce comparison.  It's just not apt.  Packers fans have the right to be pissed at Favre and boo.  You want a better analogy?  Well, here goes nothing.

Favre and the Packers are married?  Cool.  Favre & Ted Thompson are getting up there in age.  The kids have graduated college and really there's nothing else to be done around the house and both parties are better off moving on with their own assets.  Then Thompson gets mad at Favre for hanging out with his friend Retirement.  It wasn't like he was banging Retirement with no rubbers or anything.  It was more like Favre would go out late with Retirement but always coming home to Thompson.

One day, Thompson was fed up when Brett hung out with Retirement for too long before coming home one night.  Thompson then sent Brett to New York on a vacation.  However, it pissed Brett off to be kicked out of the house he helped build.  So after a year in New York, Favre returned to the Midwest ... not with Retirement ... but like Hugh Hefneras he traded in Retirement a slew of hotties that are DTF known as the Minnesota Vikings.

And while Ted's got a looker on his own arm that he can boast, it's underdeveloped.  Kind of like Miley Cyrus.

Thus concluding this wonderful analogy and this new segment.

The Day of Reckoning

Here we go.

Unless you have been living under a rock the last week, you know that the Green Bay Packers will be facing the quarterback that accomplished so much during his 16 year career in Wisconsin. That quarterback will be wearing purple and yellow on Monday night instead of the familiar green and gold that football fans have been accustomed to seeing for years.

Growing up, Michael Jordan and Brett Favre were my idols. I became a Packers fan in large part due to number four. But Favre’s ‘will he or won’t he’ antics have not just began over the last two years. Packer fans know the drama that Favre creates in the offseason as his rumored retirement began all the way back in the 2002 offseason.

Let it be known that I was one of the fans that wanted the organization to appease Favre during the training camp fiasco last year. Even though the Packers finished 6-10 last year, Aaron Rodgers established himself as a premier quarterback in the NFL and he was the much better quarterback between him and Favre. Green Bay’s GM, Ted Thompson, took a lot of flack for his decision to stick with Rodgers but he’s looked like a genius. Favre had a messy divorce with the Jets at the end of last year and as we all know, he decided to come back to the Minnesota Vikings after a desperate effort by head coach Brad Childress.

The legend of Favre continued to grow after last week’s game against the San Francisco 49ers. Favre threw a 32 yard game-winning touchdown pass to Greg Lewis with two seconds left to give the Vikings a stunning 27-24 win over the Niners. The Vikings moved to 3-0 on the season ahead of the big tilt against the Packers.

One thing that the Vikings need to stray away from in this game is the overuse of Favre and the under utilization of Adrian Peterson. Last week against San Francisco, Favre threw the ball 46 times while the best player in the NFL only received 19 carries. In the first two games of the season against Cleveland and Detroit, Favre threw the ball 21 and 27 times respectively. Peterson had 25 carries against the Browns and only 15 against the Lions. If Childress continues to let Favre air it out against better teams, he will not be as fortunate as he was against the 49ers.

The Packers would be wise if they stacked the box with eight defenders and as weird as it sounds, they would be better off letting Brett Favre beat them compared to Adrian Peterson. Peterson has destroyed the Packers in his short career – like many teams in the league. In his four games against the Packers, Peterson has ran for over 100 yards three times with the lone exemption coming in 2007 when Al Harris injured Peterson’s knee on a tackle early on in the game. Last year at the Metrodome, Peterson ran for 192 yards on 30 carries against the Packers. There is no question that if Green Bay wants to win this game, they have to contain the best player in the game at all costs.

For the Packers, they come into this contest at a mark of 2-1 and they were able to down the St. Louis Rams with relative ease last week. Aaron Rodgers threw for a pair of touchdowns and also ran for one as the Packers won 36-17. The big concern for the Packers is how their offensive line stacks up against the Vikings All-Pro defensive line, which boasts Jared Allen, Kevin Williams, and Pat Williams. It’s not a good sign for the Pack when they can boast about ‘only’ giving up two sacks last week. Rodgers has been sacked 12 times in three weeks, which is the most in the NFL. Starting right tackle Allen Barbre has been horrid this season as he has allowed Adewale Ogunleye, Antwan Odom, and Leonard Little to run rampant on Rodgers. Look for Jared Allen to be in the backfield early and often for Minnesota.

This is obviously a very important game for both teams, but there is more pressure on the home team to win home division games. If the Packers can somehow steal this game from Minnesota, they will be in the driver’s seat in the NFC North at 3-1 heading into their bye week. And after the bye week, the Packers face the likes of Detroit, Cleveland, and Tampa Bay with the Lambeau Field rematch against Minnesota sandwiched in there.

It pains me to say it, but Minnesota is the favorite and should win this game because the Packers weaknesses play to the Vikings strengths. If there is a given, the game should be competitive as the last six contests at the Metrodome have been decided by seven or less points. The circus will be in Minneapolis on Monday night, but just remember that there will be a game in the middle of all the nonsense at around 7:30 tonight.

Jay Cutler & The Voice Of Reason

If I put my hands over my ears, I can't hear the bad things you say about me.

If your initial reaction to Sunday night's loss was to find the receipt for your recently purchased Jay Cutler jersey and head to your local retailer for a refund, this blog is for you.
Before you continue to pile on Rex Grossman Cutler, consider this.  If No. 6 was not under center, that 68-yard completion to Johnny Knox would have never happened.  Neither would the 36-yard touchdown pass to Devin Hester.  Cutler's 277-yard passing performance represents the most yards thrown for a Bears QB since Kyle Orton threw for 283 yards in the team's 48-41 win against Minnesota.

With that said, the Grossman-esque, four picks were inexcusable.  Even the one on the 3rd-and-Goal screen pass.  More on that later.

Bears fans looking for a good sign should take note of the following sentence.  The last time a Chicago quarterback threw four interceptions in a game was in 2006, when Grossman thought he played for the Arizona Cardinals.  Despite Grossman's horrific game, the Bears won 24-23, which led to one of the greatest post-game rants ever ... and the Bears' last Super Bowl appearance.

The most troubling thing about the loss might not be the four-INT game by the savior.

First, there's Ron Turner and his play calling.  First, I am convinced Turner is the only offensive coordinator at any level that would call for a screen pass on 3rd-and-Goal ... and then later on 3rd and 22.  At what point does Lovie Smith stop Turner and say, 'Hey, that might not be the best call for this situation.'  Or, at what point does Cutler die of laughter upon hearing said play being called.  And while Devin Hester emerged as a No. 1 target this week, I cannot be the only person wondering what happened to last season's best pass catcher.  While Matt Forte struggled to move the ball (24 carries, 55 yards) on the ground, I'm still trying to figure out how the team's leading receiver last year did not come up with any receptions last night. 

Here's hoping that Jerry Angelo has los juevos to give Turner the axe and call Mike Shanahan and see what his plans are for next Sunday.  I'm sure Cutler has got him on speed dial.

On the other side of the ball, the Bears didn't completely suck.  In fact, for about 57 minutes, it looked like the Monsters of the Midway.  Adawale Ogunleye played like a man looking for a contract extension possessed, picking up a sack and harassing Aaron Rodgers as if he owed him child support money.  Then came Nathan Vasher's slip as Greg Jennings slid right past him for an easy touchdown.

It's the same play the Bears were burned on last year against Minnesota.  And the same play the Colts were able to smoke the Bears on in the Super Bowl.  If legit offenses run that play against the Bears, I can almost guarantee a scoring play on at least 9 of 10 attempts.  The other attempt comes one-yard short of a touchdown, as the open receiver takes a knee at the one so his teammate can get the one-yard touchdown run to preserve his fantasy football team's win.

Oh yeah, and Brian Urlacher is going under the knife Monday.

Did I mention the defending world champion Steelers come to Chicago in Week 2.

It could be worse, Bears fans, you could have been born a Lions fan.

As Brett's World Turns

Here I am preparing a post previewing the Green Bay Packers' open quarterback competition between a guy that has 441 more career touchdown tosses than his closest competitor and then the news hits the fan.

"This probably isn't going to work."

Those are words generally reserved for guys trying to break it off with a stage five clinger. Instead, with those six words, the 15-year relationship between Brett Favre and the Packers looks to be coming to an end.

Will Favre be released to the open market or seek a trade with the teams he tortured the most, the Minnesota Vikings or Chicago Bears. Or maybe the quarterback-less other team from New York or the QB collector Jon Gruden in Tampa Bay.
This is a disappointing end to a saga I was sure would end with a shot fired from a grassy knoll by an Aaron Rodgers-hired sniper.

All jokes aside, there's nothing like pushing out the face of your franchise. Ask Jerry Reinsdorf.

Now Favre, who will be a motivated gun-slinger by the time Opening Day rolls around, will be moving on and I'm damn sure he'll be looking to rack up about five TDs and 500 yards against his former mates just to spite a front office that has tried desperately to rid itself of its flip-flopping crazy-clingy ex-girlfriend.

Brett Favre: The Saga Continues

Ted Thompson and the powers that be in Green Bay are doing their best to keep (arguably) the best quarterback ever out of the city he singlehandedly put on the map.

Like when Jerrys Reinsdorf and Krause booted Michael Jordan into retirement, the Packer management is trying to keep Favre in that predicament. Sure, he announced his retirement a long time ago but nobody bought it. And if you did, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn that I'd like to sell you.

Now the Packers are, as the kids like to say, between a rock and a hard place. They've done all that they could to separate themselves from Favre as they ready themselves to hand Aaron Rodgers the key to the offense. However, No. 4 still has that itch and you know if it itches you've got to scratch it.

The dilemma is how (better yet, where) is Favre gonna scratch it?

Will the Green & Gold management swallow its pride and give the people what they want? Will they try to trade the gun-slinger elsewhere? Will they do the unthinkable and cut him?

Only time will tell. And as difficult as it might be to envision him not in a Packers uni, I know a team that resides in a stadium that looks like a spaceship from the outside that should be jumping through hoops if Favre did indeed hit the open market.

Will Brett Favre follow in the footsteps of Michael Jordan, Roger Clemens and Mario Lemieux and step out of retirement? It could happen. (Rotoworld)

Milwaukee's Best

It's a great honor for me to be invited on the best blog on the web. It's a tremendous accomplishment, one of my biggest yet on this planet. I have to thank Matthew Hartwig and Luis Medina for allowing me to contribute here. I'm quite sure they'll get sick of my witty, sarcastic, and snide remarks, but what's the fun if there isn't any of those remarks?

So now it's time for me to pop my blog cherry. For good reason, this blog has a Chicago-style theme to it. Unfortunately for those Chicago fans, I don't share the same taste when it comes to my football teams. I like my football of the green and gold variety. I like my football that has the passion and the tradition of winning. I like the GREEN BAY PACKERS.

And today in Titletown USA, rumors continue to swirl that the one and only Brett Favre will renounce his plans to try out for the PGA Tour and instead try for one last Farewell Tour at a Super Bowl. This comes on the heels after the Milwaukee Brewers finalized a deal that netted them big guy and pitcher C.C. Sabathia. But as it goes in the old cheese state, football is king. Even in July when it is a complete dead period for football, rumors of Favre coming back took center stage over Sabathia's arrival. And of course, there's a twist that comes with it. Favre could come back, but not as a Green Bay Packer.

As Shaggy would say, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" I'll tell you why Favre won't go anywhere else besides the Packers, if he does indeed come back to the National Football League. Close Favre friend Al Jones, a writer for the Biloxi Sun Herald, says that while Favre is working out daily and trying to get back into "game shape," there is no way that he would play for any other team besides the Green Bay Packers. And why wouldn't that make sense? Here's a guy that is going to be 40 years old in a couple of months. When Mike McCarthy installed the west-coast offense into the Packers' playbook, Favre absolutely hated it. He did not want to learn a whole new playbook for his final couple of years in the league. So would he want to do the same thing if he went to another team? His family has been embraced by the Wisconsinites for 16 years. Favre's family has said repeatedly that they love it in Green Bay. Both of his daughters wanted him to keep playing as long as he possibly could, in Green Bay. I don't think any of that has changed.

Of course, there's one small obstacle to all this. Meet Packers' General Manager Ted Thompson. Thompson got off to an extremely rocky start with the fan base when he took over the team as the team embarked on a 4-12 record his first year at the helm in 2005. However he won the NFL Executive of the Year award last season after the Packers compiled a 13-3 record, flanked by the youngest team in the NFL (even with Favre on the team). But Thompson's entire reputation in Wisconsin is at stake on this one move. No one doubts Thompson's drafts anymore. No one doubts his inactivity in free agency anymore. But if Thompson says no to Brett Favre coming back because they already promised Aaron Rodgers the starting job, you can bet he'll be on the hot seat faster than a brat going through an overweight Wisconsin man.

Personally, I have bought into Aaron Rodgers as the starting quarterback. And really, how can you not when you see the other quarterbacks in the NFL's Norris Division? There's a big difference in being a playoff team and a Super Bowl team. Even though the Vikings made a big improvement by acquiring Jared Allen to help their pass defense, they still have Tarvaris Jackson as their quarterback. Defenses are still going to run the gauntlet and put eight or nine men in the box to stop the two-headed attack of one Purple Jesus and Chester Taylor. The Packers have the same team as last year, with the exception of Favre. Rodgers' ability fits perfectly into a west-coast offense. He gets rid of the ball extremely quickly, he's accurate, his throwing motion fits best in a system that uses screens, slants, and outs.

There's one small problem though. The Packers' probably wouldn't be a Super Bowl team with Rodgers as the quarterback. I don't think there's any chance that they would get by the likes of the Cowboys or the Giants in the playoffs. Favre, on the other hand, makes the Packers a Super Bowl contender. He was the only other player in the NFL to receive a vote in the MVP voting last year as he put up one of his best statistical years in his NFL career. At age 39. The ol' gunslinger still has it and could probably play for another five years if he wanted to. Ultimately, I believe that Favre had a talk with his close buddy Michael Strahan and Strahan probably told Favre how great of a rush it was to go out on top. Favre's the biggest competitor in the game. There's no way he wants to go out with an interception to Corey Webster in overtime of the NFC Championship Game. He won't go out that way. Thompson will make the right decision, save his home, his family, and his well-being and Favre will lead the Packers to the promised land.