Ten Random Things Floating Around My Head

Ten things I'm thinking about ... other than whoever that girl is .. after the jump.


1.  Comparisons to Ryne Sandberg need to stop.  Phil Rogers had the audacity to write this line, read it and think it was OK to be publishable.  "(Baker) entered the weekend hitting .311 with an .819 OPS. Ryne Sandberg's career OPS is .795."  Baker has done it since July 2.  Sandberg did it over a 16-year career.  A little difference there.


2.  So do suggestions of the Cubs re-acquiring Mark DeRosa.  For a long time, I wondered if I would ever live to see the day America elected a black president.  Now, I long for a day in which Chicago baseball fans do not let their emotions dictate whether or not a player should be signed while completely disregarding said player's statistics over the course of a season and a career.


3.  Portraying the idea that Micah Hoffpauir as a starting first baseman as a good one.  Rogers strikes again.  "It's a shame the Cubs don't have anywhere to play (Jake) Fox and Micah Hoffpauir. They could be a platoon combination at first base, but it would take a huge return to justify trading (Derrek) Lee."  It's a shame that Micah Hoffpauir posted an OPS of .674 after May 31st.  I think I can live with Fox and Hoffpauir being my power-hitting bench boppers, but the only way Hoffpauir should start is if every other player on the team breaks out in hives and has a near-death experience any time they are asked to play the position.  Even then, I'd rather have the pitcher cover first on every play.

4.  Jay Cutler is not Tom Brady.  Tom Brady has Super Bowl rings and a supermodel wife.  Jay Cutler has yet to even make a playoff appearance.  And this is no knock on Jay, for he has all the intangibles that a Super Bowl winning quarterback needs.  A strong arm, strong head and a little bit of bravado should take Cutler a long way.  But it is waaaay too early to be throwing out those comparisons.  Who knows, Cutler could be even better than Brady one day...


5.  Take a side, stick with it and shut the f*** up.  "Ozzie Guillen is too hard on his players, always throwing them under the bus," one writer will write.  "Lou Piniella has gone too soft, he needs to go nuts on his guys," writes another.  Then, these same guys will come back and say "Ozzie's being Ozzie is really helping the team come together" or "The old Lou showed up today and really sparked this bunch."  Take a stand and don't waver.  You either like batsh*t crazy managers or you don't.


6.  Same thing for Lovie Smith.  "The Bears need a guy like Ditka to run the show."  Or.  "Lovie Smith's cool, calm demeaner is exactly what they need."  Apparently, they need a guy who is willing to snipe a deer in front of a child's eyes then caress the child who will be wounded for life.


7.  Michael Jordan didn't to be there for the Chicago Olympic bid.  Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player to ever lace 'em up, is a Brooklyn, N.Y., native.  He spent his formative years in the state of North Carolina.  Jordan played basketball and baseball during his Chicago years -- and in the offseason he went home to North Carolina.  When he wasn't gambling of course.  You know where he resides now?  North Carolina.  He also works in Charlotte, N.C., just to make things clear that Jordan's ties to the city are really only connected to the House He Built, Reinsdorf Paid For and Rose Rents.

Chicago needed to be less in debt and less violent than Rio.  Not to mention, have a public trans system that was as efficient as a team led by JaMarcus Russell.  But hey, they've go until 2020 to figure all of that out.


8.  Why are Chicago's Blackhawks and Florida's Panthers playing in Finland?  OK, maybe I'm the only one thinking this, so hear me out.  For the first time in my lifetime, Chicago Blackhawks hockey is relevant throughout the city.  The combination of young talent and home games that are accessible through my television set have got me hooked.  So, why no outrage about the Hawks opening in Finland.  FINLAND!  It's like finding the love of your life, then voluntarily moving away.


9.  "Michigan is back."  News flash: Michigan never left.  Yeah, Rich Rodriguez has turned the program around only one year after a self-inflicted year that included more sucking than room full of pacifiers.  But it's not as if Michigan went anywhere.  Two seasons ago, the Wolverines ended Lloyd Carr's run with an impressive win over Heisman winner Tim Tebow and the Florida Gators.  Three seasons ago, Big Blue entered the final week of the regular season as the nation's No. 2 team.  So, where did Michigan go again?  That's what I thought.

10.  Pretty girls.  Lots of love for the Lucy Pinder pic from yesterday.  If you're not a fan, see this post and become one.  If that doesn't do it for you, this will.

Eleven Things Destined To Occur Before I Would Become A St. Louis Cardinals Fan

Getting texts at 1 a.m. is usually a sign of good news (Wink, wink) but not when it comes in the form of someone changing their baseball alliances in the wee hours of the morning after an 11-5 loss.

The text [sic] read as follows: "im done. their done. go CARDS"

And despite a recent skid against Colorado, this Cubs fan is not done driving the big blue bandwagon. In fact, here are 11 things that would likely happen before I even considered going to "the dark side."

P.S. The closest you will ever get is me sporting that patriotic Cubs hat that happens to be red.

1. Dr. Dre drops 'Detox.' Dr. Dre's third and final album has been in the offing for about five years now. It's been on the rumor mill longer than Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton combined. Yet, still no album from Andre Young.

There is no doubt in my mind that Detox will be released well before I don a Cardinals jersey.

2. Jay-Z uses the autotune on BluePrint 3 album. In keeping with the music theme, after announcing autotune dead on arrival, the God Emcee takes a turn as the God Autotuner as a hidden track found only on albums sold in Russia will emerge.

The track will feature guest spots from Nas, Ice Cube and other artists you would never (and should never) expect to use the voice-altering device.

3. Miley Cyrus turns 18. She can dance on that provocatively placed stripper pole all she wants, I'm not touching that until Nov. 23, 2010 ever.

4. America elects a black president (again). Two-hundred and thirty-two years came and went before a black president was elected. If that happens again, an artist known as Infant Jeezy will likely pen a remix for "My President."

And still, I will not have become a fan of team whose logo is two birds on a bat.

5. Michael Jordan comes out of retirement (for the third time). His Airness will use his Hall of Fame speech as a platform to announce his third un-retirement. This time, Jordan will come back as a member of the Seattle SuperSonics.

What? No strike through? Read on.

6. Seattle gets a basketball team (again). Oklahoma City took what was rightfully theirs, but once again, the Seattle SuperSonics will ride again, thanks in part to The G.O.A.T. No longer will this generation wonder, "What the heck is Ice Cube talking about when he says the Lakers beat the SuperSonics?"

Jordan will revive them scoring 18 points per game, but will trade Kevin Durant, citing the fact that he is a ball-hog in an interview with the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. ...

7. The Post-Intelligencer (and Rocky Mountain News) ride again. I'm sick of newspapers dying, and since Jay Mariotti (rumored to be) returning to what he coined as a dying medium, the comebacks of the P-I and RMN spark a revival in the print news era.

8. Charlie Weis beats Mark Mangino on The Biggest Loser. The tubby Notre Dame coach would celebrate said victory by attempting to eat Baby Mangino. The attempt would fail as miserably and comedically as the Fighting Irish's upcoming attempt at a winning football season.

9. Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel and Jessica Simpson have a no-holds barred battle for my love. The event will take place in a pool of Jell-O in my back yard. And in true wrestling form, Eva Mendes, Scarlett Johansson, Gabrielle Union and other past dream girls will try to intervene in the fight for my love and affection. Proceeds from the event will go toward the "Make It Rain Foundation" which helps college-age young women put themselves through college.

10. Mike Vick faces off against Brett Favre in the Super Bowl. Vick leads the Miami Dolphins in the Wildcat formation while Favre leads the Green Bay Packers, only after Aaron Rodgers "mysteriously" disappears hours before kick-off.

11. Tony LaRussa hires me to be his designated driver. What? You thought I'd make it through a post with a TLR DUI joke? You must not know this blog too well.