Hey yo Devin, where you at?

Photo Credit: Getty Images

I remember when there was a saying around the Chicagoland area that warned Bears fans not to give a gift to Devin Hester because all he would do is return it.

As I chill out in my parents basement, I can't help but wonder where Hester's ability to return anything and everything has gone. A year ago, he was a sure-fire Hall of Famer as a kick returner, which was simply unheard of. In a mere two years, he was the greatest return specialist in the history of the NFL. 11 return touchdowns, not including the longest return of a missed field goal in the game's history.

There was a time where Devin Hester was the Chicago Bears offense. It now looks as if that time as passed.

Save for the New Orleans game where it seemed as if Ron Turner had a page of his playbook dedicated to Hester drawing pass interference penalties, Hester has been seen more on milk cartons than he has on SportsCenter's Top 10. And so far, that is the extent of Hester's production since he has moved to become a full-time wide receiver.

This season he has tallied 40 catches for 580 yards and three touchdowns. Decent numbers for a middle of the road receiver, but those numbers ain't gonna cut it when you were pegged as the most exciting person in Chicago football since Gayle Sayers. Football experts (a.k.a. talk-show callers) blame Hester's struggles on his inability to learn complex routes on the fly.

And even though it seems like the easy route to take, I blame the coaching staff. Everyone with an ounce of football knowledge has heard the rumors of Hester's extremely ridiculous allergic reaction when he comes close to a complex playbook. And there isn't a skill position more difficult to pick up than being a wide out.

Deep routes. Short routes. Intermediate routes. Slant routes. Go routes. Out routes. In routes. Hitch routes. Hitch and go routes. Post routes. Post corner routes. Slant-and-go routes.

Those are routes I know only because of my extensive knowledge of the Madden NFL playbook.

I always thought The Windy City Flyer would be best served as a scat back. Run him on a sweep. Throw him the ball in the flats. Screen him left. Screen him right. Run him on a draw. Being a running back could have allowed Hester to get the ball with more open space without making take what would be the equivalent to the Harvard Law exam.

I'm not doubting Hester's talent. His speed, agility and athletic ability alone should make him a productive NFL receiver sooner rather than later. But he needs to refine his game.

No More Happy Returns?

Devin Hester's days of striking fear into kickoff teams league wide might be over.

Now that he is handsomely paid, the Windy City Flyer will get every opportunity to earn a starting gig as a wide receiver. But the more time he sees split to the outside, the less time he will see standing at his own goal line doing the Soulja Boy.

Is that a smart move? Probably not. Hester's returns either go for six or put the Bears in a good place to start to get points on the board. And when they don't go for six, the ball is out of bounds or kicked to an up-man who will land the Bears great field position as long as he fields the ball cleanly and just falls on it.

Removing Hester's joystick-like abilities from the return game could ultimately hurt the Bears' offensive offense.

Hester has security, but what will job be? (Chicago Sports)

Daily Dosage: You're Late!

Lack of internet access will limit me to only one post this morning. That's sad, especially since I really wanted to do Brewers-Cubs and Sox-Twins previews, along with a recap of my day in the bleachers at Wrigley Field. Maybe a pic of the beautiful Eva Mendes will help calm your nerves.

Comeback Kids Of The Chi. The Cubs were down 5-0 against the Marlins. The Brewers were up 4-1 against the Astros. If I asked you who would be in sole possession of first place in the NL Central when the day was over you would have told me the Brewers.

But a solo homer by Derrek Lee tied the game and a three-run double to Mike Fontenot put the Cubs ahead to split the four game set against the Fighting Fish. Alfonso Soriano also went deep for the Cubs. Dan Uggla and Mike Jacobs (twice) played long ball to power the Marlin offense.


Sox Take Two. The White Sox pretty much just laid the Tigers season to rest by winning two of three in Detroit. The Sox blasted their way past the toothless-Tiger pitching staff, but was unable to take the final game of the series.

Even in the 6-4 loss, catcher A.J. Pierzynski and outfielder Jermaine Dye played a little bit of longball themselves. Dye homered in each game of the series.

Paid In The Shade. Devin Hester, you are now ridiculously paid! The Bears kick return extraordinaire and soon to be No. 1 wide out got his money right to the tune of four years and $40 million with $15 million up front.

See, I knew it wouldn't be long. What might take the most time is getting Hester into the flow of an offense lead by Dumb-and-Dumberer at the QB position. I wonder if the Bears know there's a future Hall of Famer on the market?

Quality Linkage:

• There's a Cincinnati Reds drinking game. (Tom Knox) And yes, there's a Mark Prior reference.
• The headline says it all: Florida Gators Find Success In Erin Andrews' Bed (Sports By Brooks)
• The Royals need help, on and off the field. (With Leather)
• The Brewers prep for the big series (JS Online) and so do the Cubs (Chicago Sports)
  

A Happy Camper?

Devin Hester's holdout was short-lived.

The Windy City Flyer showed up to the campus of Olivet Nazarene University Friday morning, passed his physical and is back in the fold for the Chicago Bears.

No, there has been no contract resolution, but I wouldn't be surprised to see that deal done very quickly. Jerry Angelo has his work cut out for him as he and Hester's agent Eugene Parker try to iron out a deal.

Angelo, who doesn't want to pay an unproven talent the money a proven talent deserves, has his hands tied because Lovie Smith and his staff has pegged Hester as a No. 1 receiver. Now, the most exciting player in football sees himself as a top flight receiver and wants to be paid as a highly ranked rookie receiver -- which he is in a sense.

Contract? Details. Details. We're just happy to see everyone at camp.

Dan Pompei, You Are Ridiculous!

Are the editors at the Chicago Tribune asleep? Drunk? Coked out with Lindsay and Paris? Maybe I shouldn't out and out insult the company I dream to work for, but someone's asleep at the wheel if a column that suggests the Bears trade (arguably) their best player for draft picks.

Devin Hester isn't the best player in the NFL and heck, he might not be the best player on his team. But he is the team's only offensive threat. Let me repeat that so it can sink in there for those of you still focusing on that picture of Amber Heard in the post below. Bears. Best. Offensive. Player.

That's got to account for something, especially since the Bears' offense is as threatening as a stuffed animal.

Trading Hester would be like...

• ...the Cincinnati Reds trading Adam Dunn in exchange for low-level prospects. Don't let the .237 batting average fool you, El Grande Mulo is an offensive force. Dunn brings left-handed thunder with 29 home runs, 65 runs batted in, a .389 on-base percentage and a .944 OPS.
• ...the San Antonio Spurs trading Manu Ginobili. He might not crack the Spurs' starting five, he gets starters minutes (31) while averaging 19.5 points per game. If he'd walk into the Berto Center, he'd be the Bulls' their best player and No. 1 scoring threat

Enough analogies. Trading Hester would be dumb. End of story.

Daily Dosage: Where Making $445,000 Is An Insult

Seth Rogan has got to be one of the luckiest actors on the face of the earth. How do you follow a love scene with the beautiful Katherine Heigl in the hit movie 'Knocked Up'? Well, how about co-starring with the equally beautiful Amber Heard in Pineapple Express. I don't know if there's a love scene, but who cares. She's HOT! This pic alone makes me wanna go pick up a Maxim.

On with the Dosage.

Pay The Man, Already! Usually I start these things with a recap of what happened last night with Chicago's baseball teams, but its football team is in a major pickle. I believe that players should honor their contracts, but when a player outperforms his/her rookie contract, a renegotiation should take place.

And when this player is insulted by the fact that he makes only $445,000, I usually ream him into the next decade. But when this player is Devin Hester, known as the best return man in the history of the NFL entering only his third year of pro football, you must reward him handsomely. Right? He's the Bears only offensive threat and all it takes is the stingiest management in football to screw it all up.

Hester is far-and-away the most important player on the roster. If he gets the ball, he's taking it to the house. If he doesn't, the offense gets great field position. And when the 'O' goes three-and-out or turns it over, Mike Brown and Nathan Vasher have a shorter distance to go for their Pick 6s.

Everyone's a winner when Devin Hester is on top of his game. Reward him A.S.A.P.

Sweet Home Chicago. The Cubs' 2-4 road trip was disastrous to say the least. Despite getting solid starting pitching, 19 of the team's 23 runs came in its 9-0 win against the Astros and its 10-6 win against the D'Bags. Thankfully for the North Side Nine, they were back in the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field to deliver their 38th home victory, a 6-3 triumph over the Marlins.

It was the first time the Cubs beat the Marlins since Game 4 of the 2003 NLCS. I kid. It just seems that long, seeing that the Fighting Fish swept the entire season series in 2007. And that Marlin team sucked!

Quality Linkage

• Olympian v. Horse. (Des Moines Register) Who ya got?
• Former Hawaii QB Colt Brennan plays the ukulele (D.C. Sports Blog) and he probably plays a better QB than who the Bears got right now.
• The U.S. Army is sending Detroit Lions draft pick Caleb Campbell into active duty. (AP)