Hurricane WhoDat Rips Through Indy, Baseball Season Is Coming

Like a good mistress, football left us something to remember her by. But, now it's time for my true love.

Baseball.

If you're looking for a traditional Super Bowl post-game blog, then you good friend are in for a treat.

As a Bears fan, this Super Bowl was a reminder of how things have fallen apart in Chicago.  The team the Bears beat to get to the Super Bowl three years ago beat the team the Bears lost to in said Super Bowl.

I'll give you a few minutes to let that sink in.

I'm sure having a real quarterback helped, but the keen Bears fan remembers when Chicago passed on Drew Brees in free agency as it banked on the future of Rex Grossman.  Now, the Bears have Jay Cutler, but I fear that they have no idea what to do with him.

Maybe Mike Martz fixes things.  Maybe he makes things more complicated.  Only time will tell.

Watching Pierre Thomas run wild against the Colts defense reminds me that Thomas is a Chicagoland native who was an elite high school running back at Thornton Fractional South before going on to play for the Fighting Illini during his college years.

Thomas was recruited by former Bears offensive coordinator Ron Turner, which proves to Bears fans that Turner's failures were not limited to playcalling.

And if you think that the Bears are going in the right direction, think again.  Buried by the coverage of Hurricane WhoDat is the news of Rod Marinelli getting promoted to defensive coordinator. 

For some reason, the Bears think that the tandem that led the Detroit Lions down the path of mass failure will lead Chicago to the promised land.

Reality hits hard, doesn't it?

Meanwhile, we're nine days from pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training and 56 days from Opening Day.  I can hear the crack off the lumber, the smack of the leather and the giggles of the oiled bodies of bleacher babes off in the distance.

Even though our beloved Salukis are already out of contention, March Madness will hold us over until baseball season gets into full swing.

And with Valentine's Day coming Sunday, there is no better time for love to be in the air.  Better that than a pitch launched into the stratosphere by Kevin Gregg.

The Official TBDS Super Bowl Pre-Game Blog

We're about five hours away from Super Bowl smackdown and I've got some stupid questions to ask.

Did you know that Peyton Manning, this year's NFL MVP, finished second in the Heisman Trophy voting to this year's Defensive MVP, Charles Woodson?  Of course not.  Because no one cares about what happened back when dinosaurs roamed earth.

How about this one.

Did you know that the New Orleans Saints have the second best quarterback in the NFC behind @NotJayCutler, whose precise tweets are exactly what you need to make you forget that actual Jay Cutler failed to live up to high expectations thanks in part to Ron Turner's middle school playbook?

Super Bowl predictions are like herpes assholes, everyone's got one.

So here's ours.

Colts 28, Saints 21.

But what everyone else won't give you is how they got there.

This is where TBDS > your average blog.

FIRST QUARTER

Right before Carrie Underwood sings the national anthem, Reggie Bush "mistakenly" forgets his helmet in the locker room and dashes to get it.  However, Bush does not return until midway through the first quarter.

Shortly after Bush emerges from the locker room, a hot-and-bothered Kim Kardashian is spotted entering the stadium claiming to be late after being "caught in traffic" prior to kickoff.

(25 minutes later)

"Reggie Bush-Kim Kardashian Super Bowl Sex Tape" becomes a trending topic on Twitter.

Joseph Addai puts the Colts on the scoreboard and gives Indy a 7-0 lead after a 13-yard touchdown run.  Somewhere in Mississippi, Brett Favre picks up his phone and texts Adrian Peterson, "c what happens when u hold on to da football?"

Colts 7, Saints 0

Bush fumbles away the Saints' first possession as it appears his hands are covered with Vaseline or baby oil.  Kardashian quips, "Reggie always has a firm grip on me."  Awkward silence ensues.

Indianapolis turns the turnover into points as Peyton Manning fires a 35-yard strike to Austin Collie to give the Colts a two score lead.  Somewhere in Minnesota, Peterson replies to Favre's text, "c what happens when u throw it to the team wearing the same color jersey as u?"

Colts 14, Saints 0

SECOND QUARTER

Bush redeems himself with an 84-yard punt return touchdown to put the Saints back into the game.

The touchdown marks the first time ever in the history of the world anyone has even considered putting "Bush redeems himself" in a sentence that isn't concluded with "by apologizing to the people of New Orleans."

Colts 14, Saints 7

Another Peyton Manning touchdown toss extends the Colts' lead to 21-7.  This time to Reggie Wayne on a blown coverage.

Somewhere in Chicago, Lovie Smith receives a text from 3,864,792 Bears fans, "hey Lovie, that look familiar?"

Smith wonders how so many Bears fans got his number.

Colts 21, Saints 7

HALFTIME

Millions of gamblers call their bookies.  Thousands of fans head to the restroom.  Hundreds of wives ask if the game is over yet.  Dozens of children go outside to recreate a play from the first half.  A wild, horny couple attempts to recreate the scene between Bush-and-Kardashian in an unoccupied bedroom at the party they are currently attending.

THIRD QUARTER

Saints make a run.  Pierre Thomas takes a swing pass for a touchdown to cut the Colts' lead to 21-14.  Bears fans across the nation lament the fact that Thomas was Chicago-born and Chicago-raised, yet Jerry Angelo couldn't bring him to town.

Somewhere in a time machine headed back to the mid-1990s, Ron Turner wonders why he never ran that play while Thomas was at Illinois.

Looks at playbook.

Sees "Copyright 1987" scribbled across the bottom.

Colts 21, Saints 14
Peyton Manning throws an interception and Darren Sharper returns it for a touchdown.  TV camera finds Archie Manning in a suite shaking his head, but counting the money he made off interviews and endorsement deals this week.  Second camera finds Eli Manning taking shots of bourbon with a hot chick.

Somewhere in Nashville, Tenn., Jay Cutler tries to pass the time, but is intercepted and blames Devin Hester for running the wrong route.

Colts 21, Saints 21

FOURTH QUARTER

Manning orchestrates a long touchdown drive that ends with a Pierre Garcon touchdown grab.  Somewhere in Pennsylvania, someone loads Marvin Harrison's gun.  That someone receives a text from Plaxico Burress warning about gun safety.

Colts 28, Saints 21
Brees tries to mount a rally, but after scoring what appeared to be a game-tying touchdown, the play is thrown to the booth for a review.  The play is overturned because Manning, who is simultaneously directing a MasterCard commercial, scolds Brees for not following the script.

Touchdown overruled.

Colts win 28-21.

The Good, Bad & Ugly: Bears Hire Mike Martz

Under the dome in St. Louis, it was called The Greatest Show On Turf.  So, what will they call it once it hits Soldier Field? 

The Greatest Show On Sod?

In the end, the Chicago Bears finally hired Mike Martz as offensive coordinator, putting an end to a four-week circus that saw the Bears get turned down more times than the pimply faced nerd searching for a prom date. 

Eventually, the acne-challenged child (Lovie Smith) found the chick  who was really hot before she got coked out (Martz) in what will likely spawn the beginning of a new era or the beginning of the end of this era.

Let's break it down, shall we?

THE GOOD
Kurt Warner went from bagging groceries to bagging touchdowns, and fantasy football players went on to bag bragging rights and championship games.  He got the most out of Marshall Faulk and a lot out of Steven Jackson.  Everyone knows what Martz did in St. Louis, so let's focus on some recent history.

The biggest positive in hiring Martz is that unlike Ron Turner, the man who will be at the controls in 2010 has coordinated an offense that has been productive in this century.  Turner's archaic playbook was a drag on offense, and to be honest, it would be nice to see Jay Cutler's receivers run routes at the first down chains on third down rather than seeing bubble screens get blown up for a four-yard loss on 3rd-and-15.

Martz has also been known for quick turnarounds, which is something Bears fans are kind of used to.  At least I got used to seeing Bears running backs get turned around for losses.  But I guess that's what happens when a draw play is called on 3rd-and-11. 

In 2006, Martz turned Jon Kitna's age 34 season into a 4,000-yard campaign in his first year in Detroit.  One year later, Martz's offense really clicked through eight weeks as the Lions posted a 6-2 record in the season's first half.  Eventually, the wheels fell off, but it all can't be put on Detroit's offense as the defense was lit up down the stretch.

But it's hard to play defense when Matt Millen continues to draft wide receiver after wide receiver in the NFL draft.

If Martz can make the Lions offense look like a legitimate professional offense, I imagine he could work wonders with the jokers Jerry Angelo has drafted.

THE BAD
Mike Martz offenses have oftentimes forgotten about the use of tight ends, which of course was the Bears' offense's msot prolific weapon.

Which means if you were given a Greg Olsen jersey for Christmas, cherish it, for it might be the last time you see it for a while because it might not be seeing much time on the field.

Granted, without looking it up on Google, do you even know who the Rams' tight ends were during the glory years?  Probably not.  I'll admit that I can't.  I can tell you St. Louis had Isaac Bruce as a legit No. 1 threat.  Then they had Torry Holt, who would have been a No. 1 option on almost any other team, as a No. 2 option.  Az Hakim was an excellent kick/punt returner Martz was able to get the ball to in the open field.

The Bears have that guy in Devin Hester.  The catch?  Chicago expects him to be Bruce or Holt, when he's really just another Az Hakim.

THE UGLY
With the addition of Martz as offensive coordinator and Mike Tice as offensive line coach, the Bears have three former NFL head coaches working under Lovie Smith.  In most cases, I would consider that to be a good thing.

However, the three combined to go 95-103 in 14 total seasons as NFL head coaches.  Martz (53-32) was clearly the most successful while Tice was a mediocre 32-33 with the Minnesota Vikings and Marinelli was downright awful with a 10-38 record with the Detroit Lions.

In other words, the Bears have spent the last two offseasons hiring the outcasts of division rivals whose coaching success ranges from "Meh" to "Cutlerfucked" on the Luda scale of coaching success.

I guess they'll fit in just fine.

NFL Wild Card Drinking Game Part III

There are times in sports where boozing is necessary.  Especially if you are a Detroit Lions fan.

And if you have nothing better to do than watch football on a Sunday with your friends and a few frosty adult beverages, then you are living the good life. 

The following is an instruction manual on how to watch football, booze up and leave some room to be productive at work on Monday




Packers @ Cardinals

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Any time a player gets injured and Kurt Warner is the first one to kneel and pray
  
• Screen shot or mention of Larry Fitzgerald's sports writing dad
  
• Either team runs a play and you think to yourself "Is Ron Turner calling these plays?" (two shots for a run up the middle, finish if the play loses yardage; finish if you find yourself saying "I wish the Bears could run that play after a play that gains yards)
• Reference of Anquan Boldin's contract squabbles
  
• Any screen shot of Brenda Warner
  

 If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Whenever Troy Aikman talks about his glory years
  
• Any time a friend references the Paul Rudd/Joe Buck video
  
• Whenever a Packers player's name is obscured by his hair
• Any reference to Kurt Warner bagging groceries
  

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Any mention of Brett Favre
  
• Any time a friend makes a Matt Leinart/college girls joke
  
• Whenever Aaron Rodgers gets sacked
  
• If someone asks if Jermichael Finley was the guy who used to play for the Dallas Mavericks
  

If any of the following occurs, call a designated driver not named "Stallworth":

• If Matt Leinart enters the game.
  

For the record, we're took the Ravens Patriots in the early game and Cardinals today.

Might be the only time you get a Cubs fan to cheer for the Cardinals

NFL Wild Card Drinking Game Part I

There are times in sports where boozing is necessary.  Especially if you are a Detroit Lions fan.

And if you have nothing better to do than watch football on a Saturday with your friends and a few frosty adult beverages, then you are living the good life.  The following is an instruction manual on how to watch football, booze up and leave some room in the tank for Sunday's action.

Jets @ Bengals

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Any reference made to Brett Favre's one year with the Jets.
  
• Any reference to the Bengals' image change
  
• Either team runs a play and you think to yourself "Is Ron Turner calling these plays?" (two shots for a run up the middle, finish if the play loses yardage; finish if you find yourself saying "I wish the Bears could run that play)
• Any Chris Henry reference (finish drink for a Chris Henry montage)
• Any time you hear "overcoming adversity"

If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Whenever Mark Sanchez throws into double or triple coverage
• Cedric Benson fumbles the ball
• Any mention of Thomas Jones' workout regimen
• Any time your friend makes a Rex Ryan fat joke
• Any mention of the Braylon Edwards midseason trade

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Announcers reference Cedric Benson's time with the Bears
• Announcers reference Thomas Jones' time with the Bears
• Announcers note Benson & Jones were teammates on Bears Super Bowl team
• Any time you find yourself wanting to call the Jets QB "Dirty" Sanchez
• Announcers accidentally call Chad Ochocinco, "Chad Johnson"

If any of the following occurs, call a designated driver not named "Stallworth"

• Any mention of Cedric Benson's party boat
• Cedric Benson shows up at your party with the blonde hotties from the party boat 
  

Eagles @ Cowboys

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Any reference to Wade Phillips being winless in playoff games
• Any reference to Andy Reid being undefeated on Wildcard Weekend
• Either team runs a play and you think to yourself "Is Ron Turner calling these plays?" (two shots for a run up the middle, finish if the play loses yardage; finish if you find yourself saying "I wish the Bears could run that play)
• Any reference to Terrell Owens time with the Cowboys and/or Eagles (two shots for video montage)
• Any time you hear "overcoming adversity"

 If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Any mention of how hard it is to beat a team three times
• Any time your friend changes Tony Romo's name to "Tony Homo"
• Any reference to Mike Vick's legal troubles (finish your drink if there is a mention to the Cowboys' past legal troubles)
• Any time you think to yourself "Wade Phillips looks like a pissed off fat kid."
• Screen shot of Jerry Jones

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Screen shot of Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders
• Any reference to the Dallas Cowboys' glory years
• Any time you think to yourself, "Geez, when is Andy Reid going to call a running play?"
• Any time Roy Williams drops a catchable ball
• DeSean Jackson scores a touchdown from 40-yards out or more  
  

 If any of the following occurs, call a designated driver not named "Stallworth":

• Any time anyone makes reference to Nate Newton and his trunk full of blow
• Nate Newton shows up at your place with said blow

For the record, we're taking the Bengals and Eagles in tonight's match-ups.  Even though in our heart, we really want to take the Jets because of our ties to fellow SIU alum Bart Scott.

We'll be cheering for you, El Barto!

Texas Fans Can Blame Jerry Angelo For Last Night

There will always be an asterisk next to Alabama's national championship victory against Texas.

Not because of steroids, yet, but because the Longhorns were without two-time Heisman runner-up quarterback Colt McCoy, who was injured on the team's opening drive. 

While it is easy to circle that and pin the loss on not having one of college football's best quarterbacks, TBDS thrives on finding the buried leads in stories.

This is no different.

Had Chicago Bears GM Jerry Angelo sealed the deal with Nick Saban, last night's events would never have happened.

Allow me to explain.

In 2003, Angelo assumed a full set of powers that go to actual general managers after Ed McCaskey died.  With said powers, Angelo put an end to the Dick Jauron-John Shoop-Greg Blache Era of bad Bears football.

Saban was Angelo's No. 1 choice to replace Jauron, but ended up coaching the Miami Dolphins before returning to campus because Jerry had no intentions of sharing the player personnel decisions.

Thanks to Angelo's ego, the championship aspirations of two football teams have been crushed.

STFU Award Winner: Ron Turner & Why Charlie Weis Should Come To The Bears

It has been a mighty long time since I have given out the coveted STFU Award.  Look for this to become a feature that you will see more of in 2010.

Time to dust off the award and club Ron Turner over the head with it.

In a story published in the Chicago Tribune, Turner states, "I did the best job I could with what I had."

As some finger-snapping youngster would say, "Oh hell to the naw."

Turner's offense took advantage of Bernard Berrian's speed to score as often as Eddy Curry takes advantage of being 6-foot-11 to grab a rebound.  It turned Jay Cutler into Rex Grossman.  Cedric Benson has rushed for 1,998 yards in 25 games with the Bengals after accumulating 1,593 yards in 35 games with the Bears.  Earl Bennett and Devin Aromashodu were saddled to the bench like they were grounded for life.  It's not as if they would have delivered a Super Bowl or two, but it is an improvement over Rashied Davis.

It's time for Ronnie to look in the mirror in face facts.  His offense, other than one mythical season in which Erik Kramer, Rashaan Salaam and Jeff Graham put up a top-10 season, has been absolutely horrendous.  Other than that one year, his teams failed on the campus of the University of Illinois and in Chicago ... twice.

Yet, Turner's time in Chicago is an indictment of a bigger problem with the Bears.  That problem is the inability to bring in an offensive coordinator that doesn't suck.  Recent history has not been kind to the Bears, who have shipped in Terry Shea, John Shoop and Gary Crowton before putting them out to pasture.

It's not just time for change in Chicago, but it is almost as if the Bears need a head coach for the offensive unit.  Someone that will tell Lovie Smith to shove it when he asks to run a draw play on 3rd-and-19 from the team's own 5-yard-line.

That person is Charlie Weis.

I will be happy with nothing less.

Yep, the fat guy.  Let's just compare the quarterbacks he helped develop.

Tom Brady, who once upon a time was a sixth-round pick and a back-up to Drew Bledsoe turned out alright.  Brady Quinn was a damn good college signal caller only after Weis came to South Bend and cleaned up Tyrone Willingham's mess.  Jimmy Claussen finally lived up to the hype during his junior year at Notre Dame and is a safe bet to be the first quarterback taken in the upcoming draft.

And then, let's see what Turner has done with his QBs.

*Crickets*

That's what I thought.  Unless of course you'd like me to bring up names like Kurt Kittner, Steve Stenstrom, and Dave Kreig.  Maybe it was Turner who taught Sean Salisbury how to properly use a cell phone.

In any case, Weis is the sure-fire top candidate for the job.  How soon can we ship a truck full of Giordano's pizzas, Al's Italian Beefs and Harold's Chicken Wings as a sign that we're interested in Weis' services?

Lovie should avoid Mike Martz like he owes Martz child support.  Chan Gailey got hosed in Kansas City during the preseason.  Do you really want him?  Oh, then there's Jim Fassel.  Really? I was about to make a stay away from him joke with a herpes reference, but I got lazy.

Al Saunders, OK.  I can deal with that.  Jeremy Bates, meh.  It's not like the Southern Cal offense worked wonders this year.

In any case, the Bears need to find someone willing to take over an offense with holes on the offensive line, a lack of playmakers and a quarterback who looks like Brett Favre when he's playing at a high level and Henry Burris when he's not playing all that well.

TBDS votes Charlie Weis for Ron Turner's replacement.  This time next year, we'll probably be asking for Weis to remove Lovie.

Chicago Bears: Change You Can't Believe In

In a world where football people make football decisions, there would be no way Lovie Smith returns to Chicago as the Bears' head coach.
 
Unfortunately, we do not live in that world.

And to make matters worse, it will be up to Lovie to fix the mess he has made for himself.  In this blog, we'll try to help him out.

Kind of.

Smith already took a positive step in removing offensive coordinator Ron Turner from the equation.  Turner was hired in 2005 after Terry Shea, who was Lovie's No. 1 choice as offensive coordinator got the heave-ho, for putting together one of football's worst offenses, not to mention bringing in the worst back-up ever, Jonathan Quinn.

Turner got the nod because of what he had done for some mid-90s Bears team that learned overnight that the best way to win football games was to score more points than the opposition.  That faceless Chicago football team was led by Erik Kramer, who might be the Bears best quarterback over the last two decades.

Unfortunately, for Turner, he never updated his playbook into the 2000s.  In fact, some would argue all Turner did in Chicago was dust off John Shoop's guide on how to run a shitty offense and followed it in detail.  It was something as flavorful as Wal-Mart brand diet soda and as colorful as Bud Selig's competition committee.  Ron Turner's offenses sucked so much, he turned Jay Cutler into Rex Grossman in one season.

Fans wore thin on the Bears running draws and throwing screens in third-and-long situations, and eventually so did everyone at Halas Hall.

The next step would be to improve a defense that ranked 21st in the NFL in points allowed (23.4 points per game).  The second step is to make sure Lovie doesn't hire of one of his best buddies.

That means stay the fuck away from Rod Marinelli.

(Excuse the profanities, but they're necessary to get a point across.  Specifically, this point.)

Remember when Lovie Smith asked Bears fans to trust him after jettisoning Ron Rivera and to bring on Bob Babich?  Yeah, I'd rather forget that too.  Remember when the head coach said to trust him with the play calling after stripping it from Babich and reducing him to a linebackers coach?  Not hard to forget that, it happened last season.

Need more reason for the Bears not to give Rod Marinelli a promotion?

Really?  OK.  Here goes nothing.

When Rod Marinelli was the head coach of the Detroit Lions, he became the latest disciple of the Tampa 2 defensive scheme to apply what he had learned at the hand of Tony Dungy in a new town.  Marinelli's defenses were flat-out brutal.  In 2006, the Lions ranked 30th.  Things got worse over the next two years as they ranked 32nd in each of those years.

Overall, the Lions were 10-38 under Marinelli.  Detroit posted a 1-23 record from Nov. 11, 2007 through Dec. 28, 2008 and allowed 776 points for an average of 32.3 points per game.

Yep, that is exactly who I want coaching the Bears defense that ranked 21st in points allowed (23.4 ppg) in 2009.

In the end, it is sad that for whoever gets tabbed as the new defensive coordinator because he will be nothing more than a glorified play caller.  Nice work if you can get it, but it won't help a unit that is a shell of its former self and is no longer the kind of squad that can carry a team to the Super Bowl.

The Bears let go of quarterbacks coach Pep Hamilton and will replace him with someone you've never heard of, whose job will be to make sure Cutler has taken the right amount of insulin and remind him to throw to the players wearing the blue helmets with orange 'Cs' on them.  They also said goodbye to offensive line coach Harry Hiestand.  While they're at it, they should probably say goodbye to the offensive line that spent most of the year being downright offensive.

Here's lookin' at you, Orlando Pace.

Also getting the axe was tight ends coach Rob "Don't Call Me Scott" Boras.  Anyone who tells you they know what the tight ends coach does with the team is either a liar or was a tight ends coach in a previous life.  Still, I don't understand why Boras got the axe.

Greg Olsen, Kellen Davis and Desmond Clark accounted for 13 of the 27 receiving touchdowns the Bears had in 2009.  That's nearly half of Cutler's TD tosses.  Yep, let's blame that guy.  The only justification I could come up with is that Lovie and Jerry Angelo were big fans of the 7th Floor Crew and Olsen hasn't put out any new rap songs since leaving the University of Miami and coming to the Bears.

Running backs coach Tim Spencer will return, despite Matt Forte regressing in all facets of his game.  Wide receivers coach Daryle Drake will also come back for another tour of duty, though I'm not sure why.  It took 13 weeks to get Devin Aromashodu to become a full-time contributor this season.  Last year, Earl Bennett couldn't see the field if the Bears had given him a sideline pass and a boom mic.  Devin Hester started strong, but flamed out toward the end of the season.

Maybe Angelo has confused Daryle Drake for rapper Drake, whose songs are constantly in heavy rotation in my iPod.  Sure, Drizzy Drake has some hot rhymes, but Drake's receivers have had stone hands.

All of these so-called "changes" are meant to distract you, but will not distract me from the buried lead in the Chicago Bears coaching carousel.

Overall, Lovie Smith's career record as a head coach is 52-44.  Not bad.  Want a breakdown of his record since?  Of course you do, especially if you like self-inflicted pain.

• Bears are 22-25 overall
  
• 15-20 against NFC foes; Bears outscored 838-805.
• 8-9 against NFC North foes; Bears outscored 446-448 (180 points or approximately 40.3 percent of that scoring came against the Detroit Lions.)

Proof that the Bears' problems aren't an offensive problem, or a defensive problem.  It's a team problem, and since Lovie Smith is in charge of the entire team, he should be asked to leave Halas Hall and never return.

Unfortunately, the only people that seem to understand that are Bears fans.

This Doesn't Change Anything Between Us

The Chicago Bears left me feeling like a jilted lover after last night's 36-30 overtime win against the Minnesota Vikings.

A win like that has me feeling teased beyond belief.  Like when your ex-special lady friend comes over for make-up lovin' and rather than it being meaningless and void of emotion, it was almost as if you didn't have that nut-punchingly bad break-up.  And then you realize it's going to last longer than one night, even though it shouldn't.

This shouldn't change anything between us, though.  We're not good for each other and we both know that.  Let's go our separate ways before each of us gets hurt.

That's what the head honchos at Halas Hall should be saying to Lovie and friends.

And to make things less awkward, they should probably not cuddle afterward.

While work kept us away from our usual schedule of drinking heavily and tweeting angrily after another Jay Cutler interception, we got back just in time to stop by a buddy's house to catch the overtime period.  It left us just enough time to watch Cutler connect with Devin Aromashodu on a game-winning touchdown pitch-and-catch one play after Adrian Peterson did a rather impressive Rashaan Salaam impersonation.

Nothing says game-winning touchdown pass in a Bears-Vikings game quite like "The road to Miami goes through New Orleans."

Thanks Mike Tirico.

Dick.

As for Da Bears, the effort of the defense in the first half and in the overtime was almost overshadowed by an inexcusable second-half collapse.  It makes me wonder where this team was all year -- at least effort wise.  Maybe the Bears were sparked with the rumors threatening mass change.  It seems like the team has been on vacation for a while, and maybe showing a little bit of effort gave them another year to rest on their laurels.

There are some that are upset by the win, for it could cement Lovie Smith and his staff's return next season.  At this point, there is no such thing as a bad win.  It is not as if the Bears are playing for a better draft pick, seeing that they don't need to show up to April's NFL Draft until the third round.

The Big Lead suggests, "[t]his is the kind of game, coupled with a strong draft and the return of Brian Urlacher, that will make the Bears a sexy Super Bowl pick next year."

Not when you don't have a first or second round pick and you still have holes to fill on the offensive and defensive lines, in the secondary and throughout the rest of the roster.

Just sayin.

All-Decade Team: Chicago Bears

With the decade coming to an end, it has got me thinking about some of the best players Chicago has had this decade.  And since I've been on a tear of negativity (thanks Crazy Uncle Milton and the Bad News Chicago Bears), I figured I'd provide some highlights from this decade.

Today, the All-Decade Team looks at the Chicago Bears players that didn't suck.

QB - Rex Grossman (2006) - 3,193 passing yards, 23 TDs 20 INTs - Jay who?

RB - Matt Forte (2008) - 1,238 rushing yards, 477 receiving yards, 12 total TDs (8 rushing, 4 receiving) -It's never good when your best receiver is a running back.

WR - Marty Booker (2002) - 97 catches, 1,189 yards, 6 TDs - I honestly don't remember a Bears receiver ever catching 90+ balls.

TE - Desmond Clark (2006) 45 catches, 626 yards, 6 TDs - Greg Olsen should get the nod because of his awesome mic skills.  But Clark has done it on the field.

DE - Mark Anderson (2006) - 12 sacks - Has anyone seen this guy since his rookie season?

DT- Keith Traylor (2001) - Remember that one big-ass interception?

LB - Brian Urlacher (2005) - 98 tackles, 6 sacks, NFL Defensive Player of the Year - The face of the franchise.

DB - Mike Brown (2001) - Remember his game-winning interceptions?

K - Robbie Gould (2006) - 32/36 FGs (88.9%) 41/41 PATs (100%) All-Pro 1st Team - Better than Paul Edinger

P - Brad Maynard (2004) - 108 punts (led league) 4,638 yards - Offensive MVP for most years.

ST - Devin Hester (2006) - Um.  Yeah.  See below.

The Weekender: Bears vs. Packers Drinking Game

What better way to end your week than with a unique way to watch one of football's best rivalries, along with your regular dump of assorted links from throughout the internet.

Yeah, I've slouched on Pigskin Pimpin' of late.  But this will make up for it.  I promise.  And if it doesn't?  Well.  Lower your standards.

Jerk.

Bears Drinking Game

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Jay Cutler throws an interception
• Jay Cutler complains to an official
• Jay Cutler overthrows an open receiver
  
• Matt Forte runs the ball up the middle
• Ron Turner calls a wide receiver screen (two shots if play loses yardage)
  

If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Any reference made to Brett Favre
• Any mention, or insinuation of "Chicago Bear weather"
• Any reference of the relationship between Jay Cutler and Greg Olsen
  
• Screen shot of a shirtless fan
• Screen shot of a Packers fan
  

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Lovie Smith loses a challenge
• Any reference made to the Bears' crummy playing surface
• Any time Thom Brenneman mentions how great/patient Chicago fans are
• Any reference of Jerry Angelo, Lovie Smith or Ron Turner's job security
  

If any of the following occurs, call a designated driver and hope his name isn't Tony La Russa or Donte Stallworth:

• Bears lose
• Jay Cutler throws 3 or more interceptions
• Packers lose (hey, we want to see drunk cheeseheads, don't we?)
  

Call in sick to work on Monday:

• If Thom Brenneman mentions Tim Tebow

The chicks:

Now the links:

• Bill Plaschke crowns "Sleaze" as the sports thingy of the year. We'll have our sportsperson of the year award coming up as soon as we find a clever name for it.
• Do you remember what you wrote in my yearbook? This site does.
• I sent this well-written piece over to the guys at Hire Jim Essian, and I figure if the Cubs ever want to move Crazy Uncle Milton out of right field, maybe they should make him their beat writer.
• Quote of the Year: “You don’t want to go to a college where they ain’t pretty." From this NY Times story.
• Hitler isn't thrilled about the Cubs' chances in the winter meetings, and is unhappy about Tiger cheating on his wife.
• Video of the week that describes how I feel whenever the Bears need a game-winning drive from Jay Cutler.
  

VIDEO OF THE WEEK PART TWO ... and I'm swagger-jackin' this from HJE, "They finally released the video footage of Tony LaRussa after the Cardinals got swept out of the playoffs last year"

VIDEO OF THE WEEK PART THREE ... The one where I suddenly want to enroll at Tennessee and go to grad school.

Run along now, kids.  It's Friday and you should all be getting your Becky on!



Image via

Mount Hushmore: Rex Grossman (1) vs. Kordell Stewart (4)

Who were Chicago's most embarrassing athletes?  The guys you hated so much, you considered booing them even though they were on your team.

We'll take a look at two as we open the Mount Hushmore challenge as Rex Grossman and Kordell Stewart square off in a battle of sucky Bears quarterbacks.

Rex Grossman

For the sake of this blog, we're going to pretend that Rex Grossman did not quarterback the Chicago Bears to a Super Bowl run.

Without the 13-3 season, Grossman's career record as a starting quarterback with the Bears was 6-9.  Hardly the kind of record you want out of a former first round draft pick and presumed messiah.  Take away those 23 touchdown passes and 20 interceptions, Grossman threw 10 touchdowns and 15 interceptions.  Again.  Not good.  In fact, bad.  Very bad.

And yet, he was trotted out there again and again.  Maybe if he has more 20 touchdown seasons and fewer 20 interception years, he'd probably be a serviceable signal caller somewhere.

Kordell Stewart

Slash made me want to slash my wrists when he was in Chicago.

In a classic Chicago front office move, Da Bears brought in Stewart as a free agent from the Steelers hoping to catch lightening in a bottle.  Instead, the bottle was smashed over their head, shattering in a million pieces.
Stewart went 2-5 as a starter in Chicago, throwing 7 touchdowns and 12 interceptions.  His completion percentage was a career-low 50 percent.  His percentage of quality runs was much lower than that.  Stewart played one season with the Bears, and has not thrown a pass in the NFL since.

Now, it's your time to vote.

Who should move to the next round?

• Rex Grossman
• Kordell Stewart

Created on Dec 8, 2009

View Results

poll by twiigs.com

Jerry Angelo, You've Got To Go Too

Earlier, I detailed why Lovie Smith needed to get the swift boot out of town.

Now, it's Bears GM Jerry Angelo's turn to be pantsed via this blog.

Angelo has been the Chicago Bears GM since 2001, and will always be known for ushering change.  Through his falls, he ousted Dick Jauron and brought in Jay Cutler.  Two moves that should give him some sort of immunity from the white-washing he is about to receive.  Right?  Not so fast my friend.

And this time, I don't even need five reasons.

1.  Is there a draft in here?  If not for the Detroit Lions and Oakland Raiders, there would be an argument for the Bears having the worst success rate of first round picks in the NFL.

Here is a history of Angelo's top selections:

• David Terrell
• Marc Columbo
• Rex Grossman
• Michael Haynes
• Tommie Harris
• Cedric Benson
• Greg Olsen
• Chris Williams

Of those selections, Columbo and Benson turned out to be good ... for other teams.  Harris was good, but has disappeared.  Olsen can be good when the ball is thrown somewhere he can catch it.  And the Jury is still out on Williams.

Want to look at some of the players Angelo passed up?  Of course not.  We'll do it anyway.

• 2001: Angelo gets a pass (kind of) as the best players of this draft that were drafted after the former Michigan standout include Steve Hutchinson (17th), Jeff Backus (18th), Casey Hampton (19th) and Reggie Wayne (30th).
• 2003:  When the Bears drafted Michael Haynes with the 14th pick, they passed on Troy Polamalu (16th).  When they drafted Rex Grossman, they missed out on Willis McGahee (23rd), Dallas Clark (24th),
• 2005:  Drafting Kyle Orton ahead of Brandon Jacobs was dumb.  I said it then and I'll say it again now, and will probably say it for a very long time.  All the Bears had to do was make a trip down I-57 and see a talent right in their own back yard.
• 2008:  I liked Rashard Mendenhall (23rd) and DeSean Jackson (49th) more than I liked Williams (14th) and Matt Forte (44th)   
  

For more of Angelo's draft failures, click here.

2.  The coaching staff.  Has there been a coaching staff that has been properly handled under Angelo's "watchful" eye?  He let Dick Jauron and John Shoop linger for three years before he kicked them to the curb at the end of the 2003 season.  Then Angelo hired Lovie Smith, who was his third option after Nick Saban wanted some of the shot-calling duties and Russ Grimm, who still is waiting for dinner with the McClaskey family.

Then there was the Terry Shea hiring fiasco.  The relieving of Ron Rivera ... after a Super Bowl, no less.  The hiring of Bob Babich to replace Rivera after early reports leaked that it would be Leslie Frazier replacing his former teammate.  Now, Frazier is among the up-and-coming head coaching candidates.

Hey.  Maybe he'll be up for the Bears job if someone wakes up the McCaskey family and tells them their team stinks and it's all the fault of the guys in charge.

3.  Contract negotiations.  What do Cedric Benson, Lance Briggs, Thomas Jones, Devin Hester and many other Bears players have in common?  Each have had their contract negotiations fumbled by one Jerry Angelo.

Benson ended up missing most of training camp, pushing back progress that had already  been dampened by a guy who didn't even want to be in Chicago to begin with.  Briggs almost was a former Bear because of the way the organization had treated him.  Jones' negotiations became so clusterfucked, he ended up being traded to the New York Jets.  Angelo can thank Lovie for making Hester the highest paid third option in the NFL after Smith called Hester, "a No. 1 receiver."

So, we've got a GM that:

• Has a poor draft history.
• Has a poor track record of hiring coaches.
• Has a poor history of dealing out contracts.
  

And why should he be the Bears general manager next season?

... Oh.  And I really couldn't pass up on this photo.

Five Cold Hard Facts As The Case vs. Lovie Smith Builds

At 4-7, it is very easy to want to hop on the bandwagon and scream "Fire Lovie Smith!" at the top of your lungs.

The problem with that is most fans are all about change for change sake, and that is never a good way to go about building a champion.  Have coaching carousels in Detroit and Oakland worked well?  No.  It wouldn't work in Chicago either.

But the McCaskey family has to treat the Chicago Bears franchise like a fledgling business.  Everyone must go.  Including Lovie.  Here are five legit reasons Lovie has got to go.

1.  The Big Picture.  Let's just get this out of the way before we get into the heavy-hitting portion of this blog.  Lovie Smith has three winning seasons as Bears head coach.  In the years which Chicago didn't make the playoffs, Lovie's squads have posted a 25-34 record ... and that includes the 2008 team's 9-7 campaign.

The 2005 Bears went 11-5, but were pantsed by Steve Smith the Carolina Panthers in its playoff appearance.  One year later, the team went 13-3 en route to the Super Bowl, but Peyton Manning's heroics gave a glimpse of what future offenses would do to the Bears in upcoming years.

A 49-42 career record isn't going to cut it when you only have two playoff wins and no Super Bowl jewelery to show for it.

2.  The defense is indefensible.  Again, it's easy to write this after the Bears allowed more than 500 yards of total offense ... but facts are facts.  Remember when Lovie made defensive coordinator Bob Babich the scapegoat, so much so that he took the playcalling duties upon himself.  Well, um, how's that worked out for Mr. Smith?

Not good.

The Bears have allowed opponents to score 261 points, an average of 23.7 per game ranking 24th in the entire NFL.  Quite a dropoff from a team that ranked 1st in that category in 2005.

The head coach takes over the playcalling and the play of that unit gets worse?  If that isn't enough of a case against the coach, I don't know what is.

3.  Ozzie Guillen would call him "Little Game Lovie."  The must-win choke jobs are as follows:

• Jan. 15 vs. Carolina: Bears lose 29-21.  NFC Divisional round at home.
  
• Feb. 4 vs. Indianapolis: Bears lose 29-17.  Defense fails to cover Reggie Wayne.
  
• Nov. 9 vs. Tennessee, Nov. 16 @ Green Bay, Nov. 30 @ Minnesota, Dec. 28 @ Houston: Bears lose all of these games when winning one of them puts the Bears into the playoffs.  They choked against Tennessee and Houston.  And decided not to show up against division rivals Minnesota and Green Bay.
  

4.  Lovie's friends are failing him.  There's nothing like getting a job, and then being able to give your friends work.  Unless, of course, you're Lovie Smith and your friends are Rod Marinelli and Bob Babich, both of whom are great guys ... but not great coaches.  Same for Ron Turner.

There's only one rule in the un-written rulebook of giving your friends jobs: Make sure they don't suck.

5. The penalties/lack of discipline.  Are you tired of delay of game penalties on field goal attempts?  How about not reporting as an eligible receiver when you're number is 95?  Personal foul penalties and ejections got you down?  Simple offsides and false starts stalling your drives?

These are all disciplinary fouls and if the head coach isn't handing down the discipline, then nothing is being properly followed.  I'm not one of those Bears fans that begs for a red-faced Mike Ditka for 60 minutes per game, but I am a fan who hates dumb penalties.

So, can you make a case for why Lovie Smith should keep his job?  If so, leave it in the comments so I can tell you how wrong you are.

And for Lovie, here's hoping you hear this soon.

Trent Dilfer Knows Average Quarterbacks, Calls Out Cutler

When it comes to low standards, ESPN just might take the cake.  And while that wasn't a Brooke Hundley fat joke, it could have been.

Maybe it should have been, seeing that this blog is already headed down a slippery slope.  For years, baseball fans had to deal with Steve Phillips' "analysis" of front office moves.  But it was truly hard to put stock in the analysis of the guy who traded Scott Kazmir for Carlos Victor Zambrano.  And that brings us to this week's mediocre ballplayer turned expert.

So, who does Trent Dilfer think he is to call Jay Cutler an average quarterback?

The guy whose career record as a starting quarterback is a pedestrian 58-55?  The player that never threw for more than 3,000-yards?  The QB that never threw more than 21 touchdowns in a season.

Yep, I want to get my football analysis from him like I want parenting advice from Shawn Kemp and Travis Henry.

In the NY Times story (linked above), Dilfer had this to say about the Chicago signal caller:

“He was never as good as everybody said he was. ... He has great talent and remarkable upside, but he’s a very average player.”

My issue with the statement isn't the statement itself, it is from where the statement is coming from.  If it was Troy Aikman or Steve Young criticizing Cutler, I would tip my hat and acknowledge it without much hesitation.  But when it comes from a guy like Dilfer, I roll my eyes, head to my computer and start pounding away at my keyboard.

I mean, he does have a point, especially since the Bears are coming off consecutive losses to San Francisco and Philadelphia in which had Cutler would have single-handedly won had he lived up to the preseason hype.  Instead, JC played like a POS as he threw drive-killing, game-ending picks in each.

But for Dilfer to call out Cutler would be like Bobby and Whitney called out Amy Winehouse for having a substance abuse problem.  Granted, if anyone knows average quarterback play, it would be the former journeyman quarterback.  You know, the guy who threw more touchdowns than interceptions in only three of his 13 seasons in the NFL.  The guy with 113 career touchdown throws and 129 interceptions.

Seriously, if you're taking what Dilfer says to heart without analyzing it on your own, then you might as well take weight loss advice from Charlie Weis.

And before you get started on the "Trent Dilfer has a Super Bowl ring" argument, stop yourself.  Stop yourself right now.  Dilfer was as important to the Ravens Super Bowl run as Adam Morrison was to the Lakers' NBA title run.

Come on, Rex Grossman led a team to a Super Bowl.  Enough said.

Apparently, Dilfer didn't he read the following preseason memo that said without even having to put on a uniform Cutler was the most talented, therefor, greatest quarterback in Chicago Bears history.  Better than Steve Walsh, Erik Kramer and Jim Miller rolled into one.

Unfortunately, Cutler missed the same memo as well.

Bears Shouldn't Want Mike Martz

If Bears fans were asked if they would like Mike Martz as the team's new offensive coordinator, their answer would be a resounding yes.  If only because his name is not Ron Turner.  Yet, should the Bears want the nutty coordinator?

The answer might be a resounding no.

I mean, don't get me wrong.  I am under the impression that anything would be an upgrade to Ron Turner's offense.  I refuse to go as far as some Bears fans who question Turner's sexuality or manhood ... I just have a problem with his play calling.  The biggest indictment on Turner and his inability to make correct calls in the booth is this very season.

Blessed with a skilled quarterback who has a strong arm, rarely (other than last week's game against the Eagles) has Turner called for multiple deep patterns.  Geared with a team that features speedsters on the outside, the Bears' offense has yet to find consistent ways to get players such as Devin Hester and Johnny Knox the ball.

And that is why I would be hesitant to hire Mike Martz.

Like Turner, Martz had one sensational season as an offensive coordinator.  But unlike Turner, Martz had his this decade.  However, the signs of fraud stare Chicago fans square in the face.

When the Rams won the Super Bowl, they were known as the Greatest Show on Turf.  And everyone in Chicago knows the Soldier Field surface is nothing more than a joke ... especially when we get to the winter months.  Martz was fortunate to have some of the best talent in the game when he was calling the shots in St. Louis.

The Rams had two No. 1 receivers in Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt to compliment Marshall Faulk who was tearing it up in his prime.  Then there was Kurt Warner, whose arm, mind and body were as fresh as the groceries he once bagged before becoming big time.

They won the Super Bowl by inches, and then lost the next one by a foot.  (Specifically, Adam Vinatieri's foot.)

Since then, Martz's career has sputtered and it coincides with the decline of the careers of Bruce, Faulk and Holt.  Faulk is in some announcing booth right now, while Bruce and Holt are toiling away in San Francisco and Jacksonville, respectively.  The Rams have gone from the Greatest Show on Turf to the lamest.

Since leaving St. Louis, Martz has failed to be a productive coordinator.  He was given the keys to the Motor City and the Lions proceeded to continue in their spectacular sucky ways.  A year later he went to San Francisco ... and only after Vernon Davis and Fred Gore wallowed in misery was Martz shown the door by Mike Singletary.

With Martz out of the picture, Davis and Gore are flourishing despite having Shaun Hill and Alex Smith under center.  Shouldn't an offensive guru such as Martz have found a way to make the 49ers offense better than mediocre?

Probably.  But he didn't.

So, what makes Bears fans -- or more importantly Bears management -- feel so good about what Martz could do with Jay Cutler?  Tight end Greg Olsen, Cutler's favorite target, would be stifled by his own offensive coordinator.  Running back Matt Forte would likely follow Olsen's path into obscurity.  Devin Hester, Earl Bennett and Johnny Knox could benefit ... if we were a game of Madden.

And as bad as Turner has been, and as much as change could be great for Chicago, if Mike Martz is the answer, then I don't want to know what the question is.

Is Mike Martz on his way to Bears? [Sun-Times]
Martz denies report he's headed to Bears [Tribune]

Was McNabb's Advice To Cutler 'Ignore Turner' ... It Should Have Been

It's Wednesday, and I finally figured out what Donovan McNabb told Jay Cutler after Sunday night's loss to the Eagles.

When Ron Turner calls a play, you call an audible.

It's time for something radical Bears fans, so sit back, relax and strap it on for one of my stupidest most outlandish ideas ever.  And really, it's not that bad of an idea when you take into consideration taking playcalling from Ron Turner is like taking marriage advice from Kevin Federline and Britney Spears.

At 4-6, it is time for Cutler to take matters into his own hands.  And it is not as if this is an unheard of strategy.  It was one used by former Bears quarterback Brian Griese in a win two seasons ago against the Philadelphia Eagles.  When the Bears had no timeouts and Griese lost communication with Turner via headset, Griese took it upon himself to lead the Bears to victory.  He called the plays in a flawless last-minute, game-winning drive.

That's what Cutler needs to do, except do it for the entire game.

I'm being serious here.

When Turner calls for a bubble screen on 3rd-and-11, audible out of it.  When he calls a draw play and 2nd-and-20, audible.  If on a manageable third down, Turner calls for routes that do not go beyond the first down marker, make sure the receivers run smart routes to get the first down.

Remember in Varsity Blues when Jonathan Moxon and the rest of his rag-tag group of West Canaan Coyotes wore thing of Bud Kilmer's regime and played the spread en route to a state championship victory?  That's exactly what Cutler and the Bears need to do.

Don't trust Cutler?  Why not?  After a brutal start, Cutler posted three straight games in which he had a passer rating of 100 or higher and completed 68 percent of his passes.  In his last four games, Cutler has completed 57 percent of his throws.

All of a sudden it's all just on Cutler?  I don't think he suddenly sucks.  The answer here is to not change the quarterback, but to change the scenery around the quarterback.

It might be the Bears' only hope to salvage the season.

Cowher Interested In Bears? Feeling Better Be Mutual

If Super Bowl championship winning coach Bill Cowher is interested in coaching the Chicago Bears (as suggested here) the feeling better be mutual.

I do not care how much money or how many years Lovie Smith has left on his contract.  If Cowher is on the market, the Bears should go shopping.  Plain and simple.

Hiring Cowher would not be a change-for-change sake.  Instead, it would be a change-for-the-sake-of-franchise-pride kind of move.  Cowher is a proven winner whose defensive system is a long-standing testament to what productive defensive units could do.  His offenses have always been good enough, especially under the mastermind who is now coaching the Arizona Cardinals, Ken Whisenhunt.

I think the biggest thing Cowher would bring to Chicago is discipline, a very important fact especially for a team that racks up one stupid penalty after another.  Whether it be on false starts, offsides or personal fouls, Cowher's teams have always been known as smart football squads.  It would be a 180 degree turn of events compared to some of the knucklehead plays Bears fans have seen recently, whether it be Tommie Harris' shot a few weeks ago or Peanut Tillman's shove last year.

My one concern with Cowher is not whether or not the Bears would pay him, because at this point you've invested so much money into quarterback Jay Cutler, you might as well invest as much into the guy who is supposed to coach Cutler into being the franchise signal caller he was supposed to be.  Instead, my concern is whether or not Bears fans would completely be open to Cowher.

Think about it.

Cowher would not be bringing in traditional Chicago Bears football.  It would be more like Pittsburgh Steelers football.  And when it boils down to it, say goodbye to your precious 4-3 defense and hello to the 3-4.  Well all know how much Bears fans embrace change to the franchise's most important position.

Don't look at me like that?  You know as well as I do that your average Chicago meathead will dismiss the 3-4 defensive scheme quicker than a dinner salad.  And even though said fans are a minority, they are a vocal minority.  One that takes to the airwaves and pollutes sports talk radio with the concept of "Bears weather" and "Old-time Bears football."

Newsflash, gang.  "Bears weather" sucks.  It's cold and snowy, and while you think it's great that the other team will be slipping and sliding away ... guess what ... so will the Bears.  As for "Old-time Bears football" I have no frickin' clue how that can be a good thing.  They've made one Super Bowl appearance since I've been alive.  Yeah, you can take your old-school football.  I'll take old-time Dallas Cowboy football or old-time New England Patriot football.

Or, how about old-time Pittsburgh Steelers football?

I'm down.  How about you, Bears fans?

Charlie Weis' Next Job: Bears Offensive Coordinator

First of all, wow, I still cannot believe I got a picture of Charlie Weis to fit on this page.  The Internet truly is a special place.

Second, I cannot believe Notre Dame fans really want to can the head coach that has brought the most talent to the Golden Domers since Lou Holtz resided in South Bend, Ind.  OK, so you're not winning national championships yearly.  Get used to it.  The only people who care about Notre Dame's grand tradition are people who went there a long time ago.  Now, the only tradition high school's most talented football players care about involves blondes, bikinis and beer.

What?  You think high school students don't like to party?

Because of this new train of thought, Fighting Irish fans are getting restless and wanting to launch their head coach.  Fine by me.  I've got a perfect landing spot for him.

Chicago.

I will never be confused with nostrodamus (or Nastrodamus or Negrodamus, for that matter) but if I had a guess, Bears fans will not get all their Christmas wishes come true this winter.  That means Lovie Smith will not be fired.  But if I were a gambling man (which I am on certain days that end with "Y") I would say that Ron Turner is very likely to be the scape goat and will be asked to leave Halas Hall along with his playbook chock full of plays that were successful back in the day when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

And if Weis is on the market, Jerry Angelo should be at all systems go to try to get him.

Weis would be the perfect candidate for the Bears next OC gig.  He has a history of developing good, young quarterbacks.  Tom Brady is the prime example, but take a look at what he did with Brady Quinn and Jimmy Claussen.  The similarities between the two are striking.  Both started as true freshmen and both gradually improved each and every year afterward. And if it weren't for some close losses, Claussen would be joining Quinn as ND QBs to start in a BCS bowl game.

(He probably would have joined Quinn as just another QB to have lost a BCS bowl game as the Fighting Irish starting quarterback.  I digress.)

Jay Cutler is only 26 and will be entering his prime, and since Ron Turner is allergic to developing quarterbacks, the Bears need Weis.  In fact, Cutler needs the rotund offensive guru more than Weis needs a NFL job.  (But not as much as CW needs a turkey sandwich.)  The Weis offensive gameplan (as detailed here) would be a tremendous upgrade from whatever plays Turner drew in the dirt on a sandlot once upon a time.

For Cutler, who was a four-year starter at Vanderbilt, hiring Weis would mean working with a creative offensive mind for the first time in his short stay in Chicago.  And since we all know Cutler is the centerpiece of the future of Bears football, Angelo might as well surround the centerpiece with a complimentary set of shit that doesn't suck.

Charlie's passing offenses ranked sixth, 10th, 12th and fourth from 2001 to 2004.  A span in which the Patriots won 48 games and three Super Bowl rings.  In those years, Brady passed for 13,919 yards and 97 touchdowns.  In those four years, Brady had three different players to lead in receiving ... so it is not as if he has been throwing to Randy Moss his entire career.

Weis' best feature is that he gets the most out of his talent, a feature that only the best coaches have.  Unfortunately, his worst feature is that in order to lure him to Chicago, it would likely take a countless amount of deep dish pizzas to get him to coach the Bears' offense.

And that might be a task too tall for Giordano's, Gino's East and Lou Malnati's to handle.

Pigskin Pimpin On A Sunday

Does the lack of a Bears game got you down?  It shouldn't.  The good news is that you won't be wasting three hours of your life yelling at Jay Cutler, Ron Turner and the Bears defense though the television.  The bad news is that now you will be subjected to chores from the wifey.

Oh well.  Before you hit the mall/grocery store circuit, here are your Pigskin Pimpin picks.

Have you ever been so much better at something than someone that you spotted them a lead, only to crush them anyway?  Well, that's how it felt watching the Southern Illinois football team demolish Missouri State 44-24 to clinch the Missouri Valley Football Conference title outright.

The Salukis (9-1) were tested early after giving up a long touchdown run to find itself facing a deficit for the first time since playing at Northern Iowa.  SIU battled back immediately, scoring touchdowns on five of its first six possessions en route to putting up 34 unanswered points to take complete control of the game.  Senior running back Deji Karim rushed for 117 yards on only 14 carries (8.4 yards per carry) and three rushing touchdowns.

As for the Saluki opponents, a simple LOL is all you need to describe the Missouri State offense.  After scoring a touchdown, this is how the next nine possessions for the Bears ended: fumble, fumble, interception, punt, turnover on downs, punt, interception, punt, interception

The Senior Day win gave Southern its 14th consecutive win versus MVFC opponents.

Without the Bears to make you maddeningly frustrated, I would suggest doing whatever chores you have on your slate early so you can enjoy the made-for-TV match-up between Tom Brady's Patriots and Peyton Manning's Colts.

It might be the best QB rivalry since the Steve Young-Troy Aikman days of the mid-90s.  Like Aikman-Young, Manning-Brady pits a pair of future Hall of Famers, whose teams are in contention and end up crossing paths sometime in the playoffs.  There is a rivalry like this once every 10 years or so, and since I think I took the Cowboys-49ers for granted when I was younger, I will make sure to keep an eye on tonight's primetime match-up.

And yet, I'm trying to figure out what will be the next great QB rivalry.  Jay Cutler-Aaron Rodgers could be good because the Bears and Packers square off twice every year in one of football's premier rivalries, but right now, neither has an offensive line that can keep them upright for more than a split second.  Tony Romo-Eli Manning could be good as well, but both teams would be better served setting up the run rather than getting in a gunslinger showdown.

The Ben Roethlisberger-Carson Palmer-Joe Flacco triumvirate in the AFC North could be the best quarterbacked division, while match-ups between Drew Brees and Matt Ryan could turn into epic showdowns, especially since both teams are in the playoff hunt.

Can you believe a Dave Wannstedt coached team is 9-1.  Sure, they beat Notre Dame, a team I love to watch lose, but it is still a Wannie team.  How could Charlie Weis, he of the Super Bowl winning, quarterback developing past lose to the Wannstache?  Huh?  Wannstedt was the most clueless man in football when he was the head coach in Chicago.

Heck, when he was at the college level he wasn't that great.  He was so looked down upon, Joe Flacco took himself out of Pittsburgh to play his college football at friggin' Delaware.

This has got to spell the end of the Weis regime at ND, right?

(I debated writing about Charlie Weis' future, but that will be an upcoming feature.)

While there is no clear-cut favorite in the Heisman Trophy race, Colt McCoy might be the top choice, if only because it would be a career-achievement award for the University of Texas quarterback.  McCoy was under center for a Longhorns victory for the 42nd time, tying the record for most wins by a Football Bowl Subdivision quarterback.

McCoy completed only 23 of 34 passes for 181 yards (I told you there was nothing impressive about this class) and a pair of touchdowns.  But before you start believing this means McCoy is a lock to be the next great NFL quarterback, if you look at the top five winningest FBS QBs, Peyton Manning is the only one who is currently employed as a starting NFL quarterback.

Again, soccer cheerleaders.  It isn't going to make me like the on-the-field product, but there's nothing wrong with some sideline candy.