Chicago Bears: Change You Can't Believe In

In a world where football people make football decisions, there would be no way Lovie Smith returns to Chicago as the Bears' head coach.
 
Unfortunately, we do not live in that world.

And to make matters worse, it will be up to Lovie to fix the mess he has made for himself.  In this blog, we'll try to help him out.

Kind of.

Smith already took a positive step in removing offensive coordinator Ron Turner from the equation.  Turner was hired in 2005 after Terry Shea, who was Lovie's No. 1 choice as offensive coordinator got the heave-ho, for putting together one of football's worst offenses, not to mention bringing in the worst back-up ever, Jonathan Quinn.

Turner got the nod because of what he had done for some mid-90s Bears team that learned overnight that the best way to win football games was to score more points than the opposition.  That faceless Chicago football team was led by Erik Kramer, who might be the Bears best quarterback over the last two decades.

Unfortunately, for Turner, he never updated his playbook into the 2000s.  In fact, some would argue all Turner did in Chicago was dust off John Shoop's guide on how to run a shitty offense and followed it in detail.  It was something as flavorful as Wal-Mart brand diet soda and as colorful as Bud Selig's competition committee.  Ron Turner's offenses sucked so much, he turned Jay Cutler into Rex Grossman in one season.

Fans wore thin on the Bears running draws and throwing screens in third-and-long situations, and eventually so did everyone at Halas Hall.

The next step would be to improve a defense that ranked 21st in the NFL in points allowed (23.4 points per game).  The second step is to make sure Lovie doesn't hire of one of his best buddies.

That means stay the fuck away from Rod Marinelli.

(Excuse the profanities, but they're necessary to get a point across.  Specifically, this point.)

Remember when Lovie Smith asked Bears fans to trust him after jettisoning Ron Rivera and to bring on Bob Babich?  Yeah, I'd rather forget that too.  Remember when the head coach said to trust him with the play calling after stripping it from Babich and reducing him to a linebackers coach?  Not hard to forget that, it happened last season.

Need more reason for the Bears not to give Rod Marinelli a promotion?

Really?  OK.  Here goes nothing.

When Rod Marinelli was the head coach of the Detroit Lions, he became the latest disciple of the Tampa 2 defensive scheme to apply what he had learned at the hand of Tony Dungy in a new town.  Marinelli's defenses were flat-out brutal.  In 2006, the Lions ranked 30th.  Things got worse over the next two years as they ranked 32nd in each of those years.

Overall, the Lions were 10-38 under Marinelli.  Detroit posted a 1-23 record from Nov. 11, 2007 through Dec. 28, 2008 and allowed 776 points for an average of 32.3 points per game.

Yep, that is exactly who I want coaching the Bears defense that ranked 21st in points allowed (23.4 ppg) in 2009.

In the end, it is sad that for whoever gets tabbed as the new defensive coordinator because he will be nothing more than a glorified play caller.  Nice work if you can get it, but it won't help a unit that is a shell of its former self and is no longer the kind of squad that can carry a team to the Super Bowl.

The Bears let go of quarterbacks coach Pep Hamilton and will replace him with someone you've never heard of, whose job will be to make sure Cutler has taken the right amount of insulin and remind him to throw to the players wearing the blue helmets with orange 'Cs' on them.  They also said goodbye to offensive line coach Harry Hiestand.  While they're at it, they should probably say goodbye to the offensive line that spent most of the year being downright offensive.

Here's lookin' at you, Orlando Pace.

Also getting the axe was tight ends coach Rob "Don't Call Me Scott" Boras.  Anyone who tells you they know what the tight ends coach does with the team is either a liar or was a tight ends coach in a previous life.  Still, I don't understand why Boras got the axe.

Greg Olsen, Kellen Davis and Desmond Clark accounted for 13 of the 27 receiving touchdowns the Bears had in 2009.  That's nearly half of Cutler's TD tosses.  Yep, let's blame that guy.  The only justification I could come up with is that Lovie and Jerry Angelo were big fans of the 7th Floor Crew and Olsen hasn't put out any new rap songs since leaving the University of Miami and coming to the Bears.

Running backs coach Tim Spencer will return, despite Matt Forte regressing in all facets of his game.  Wide receivers coach Daryle Drake will also come back for another tour of duty, though I'm not sure why.  It took 13 weeks to get Devin Aromashodu to become a full-time contributor this season.  Last year, Earl Bennett couldn't see the field if the Bears had given him a sideline pass and a boom mic.  Devin Hester started strong, but flamed out toward the end of the season.

Maybe Angelo has confused Daryle Drake for rapper Drake, whose songs are constantly in heavy rotation in my iPod.  Sure, Drizzy Drake has some hot rhymes, but Drake's receivers have had stone hands.

All of these so-called "changes" are meant to distract you, but will not distract me from the buried lead in the Chicago Bears coaching carousel.

Overall, Lovie Smith's career record as a head coach is 52-44.  Not bad.  Want a breakdown of his record since?  Of course you do, especially if you like self-inflicted pain.

• Bears are 22-25 overall
  
• 15-20 against NFC foes; Bears outscored 838-805.
• 8-9 against NFC North foes; Bears outscored 446-448 (180 points or approximately 40.3 percent of that scoring came against the Detroit Lions.)

Proof that the Bears' problems aren't an offensive problem, or a defensive problem.  It's a team problem, and since Lovie Smith is in charge of the entire team, he should be asked to leave Halas Hall and never return.

Unfortunately, the only people that seem to understand that are Bears fans.