Brian Urlacher's Wrist Is In Pain. Lots Of Pain.

Not that this is breaking news to me, but the Chicago Bears have more pressing issues than Jay Cutler's impersonation of Rex Grossman on Sunday night.

Cue the limp wrist jokes star middle linebacker Brian Urlacher looks like he will be out for the season.  That alone spells doom for a defense that has been inconsistent since being ridden to Super Bowl XLI.  The six-time Pro Bowler was a beacon of light for the defense and was reportedly as healthy as he's ever been.  Add the loss of linebacker Piso Tinoisamoa, it looks like Lance Briggs is the last man standing in the linebacker corps.

So, where do the Bears go from here?  The Sun-Times suggests former Tampa Bay linebacker Derrick Brooks, who was cut before the season started.  The former face of the Bucs 'Tampa 2' defense flourished under Lovie Smith and could be a quick fix.  The CST article also suggests Zach Thomas.

Quite an opening week for Chicago, huh?

And to think, I was ready to write a blog in hopes of freeing Plaxico Burress or finding Marvin Harrison.  But I guess the Bears have bigger fish to fry now.

Armanti Edwards Proves Why Lawn Care Should Be Left To The Pros

With Albert Pujols, Carlos Zambrano and Ozzie Guillen being the world wide leaders in lawn care, why would you go off and try to do it yourself?

Appalachian State quarterback Armanti Edwards has two to four weeks to figure out an answer.

"Appalachian State starting quarterback Armanti Edwards will miss two to four weeks after injuring his right foot in a mowing accident, a school spokesman confirmed Friday.

Edwards, a three-time All-American, was mowing the lawn at his off-campus residence Wednesday in Boone, N.C., when the incident occurred."

This is why lawn mowing should be left to the professionals.

via ESPN, hat tip: Steve

Ted Lilly Heading To The DL

While Matt Holliday is headed to St. Louis, Ted Lilly, the Chicago Cubs' lone All-Star, is headed to the disabled list.

Ever since the All-Star Game:

• Lilly had his start against the Washington Nationals pushed back because of his knee.
  
• In his start against the Phillies, Lilly allowed 9 runs (7 earned) on 8 hits (2 HRs) in 4 innings
  
• Paul Sullivan writes there's a problem with Lilly's throwing shoulder.

And all of a sudden, the North Side Nine has a need for a pitcher like Roy Halladay. Just saying.

It looks like the Cubs are back to the days in which they lie to the public about their players' injuries. Is it a coincidence that Dusty Baker is back in town for three games?

Probably Not.

Cubs' Lilly Headed To Disabled List [Chicago Tribune Hardball]

Ryan Dempster's Misfortune Is Hilarious

(Image Credit: The Trib)

From a franchise that has seen pitchers injured by hot tubs, right fielders hit the DL because of a sneeze and other countless acts that invoke the phrase "That's So Cub" ... Ryan Dempster's fall and subsequent toe injury represents another ho-hum day at the ballpark.

And talk about product placement, State Farm was actually there. (Shout out to my agent David Hickey on Belmont Ave.)

So, Roy Halladay, Jake Peavy or Pedro Martinez is coming to save this ballclub, right? Nope. Try Kevin Hart. And no, not the comedian. Though it would be fitting for a class clown like Dempster.

Dempster DL'd

Yeah, Ryan, I'd hide my face in shame too if I were you.

Nothing like finding out your $52 million starting pitcher is out 4-6 weeks via a trash-talking tweet.

Either way, Ryan Dempster has been placed on the 15-day DL. Dempster's explanation, via The Trib:

"Sunday after the game I was coming out of the dugout and stepping over the top of the railing there, I was sitting up on the ledge, and I caught my left foot on the rail as I was coming over and it just spun me around and slammed me into the ground. When I did it, I thought I just ripped my nail back on my foot. Unfortuinately, the result wasn't very funny. If you ask Derrek Lee, he thought it was pretty funny, because the first person I saw when I looked up was D-Lee, and he was laughing. I'm sure it looked hysterical from his angle.

"The unfortunate part was my foot, I guess just the way it hit- it came down straight into the ground. Came into the clubhouse and my toenail was ripped back and it was bleeding, and then I thought that was pretty much the end of it, thought I'd just tape it up."

The thing that gets me about this is that it distracts me from the real Cub-related news, which is Chicago native Marc Utay's last-ditch effort to steal the Cubs from Tom Rickett's.

More on that on TBDS Late Night.

As for the on-field news, whether it's annoying Harry Caray impersonations, shaving cream pies to the face or walking everybody and anyone in a road uni in Game 1 of the NLDS, Dempster has been a joke. But this time, it isn't funny.

Maybe this will open the door for a Jake Peavy Roy Halladay trade?

OK, I'll settle for Pedro Martinez.

Dempster Breaks Toe Celebrating Win [Chicago Tribune]

Bye-Bye Big Z: Cubs Ace Out With a Boo-Boo

There's panic in the streets of Wrigleyville and it has nothing to do with the Piggy Flu. In fact, it has everything to do with the Cubs' horse of an ace, Carlos Zambrano.

Big Z pulled his hammy in Sunday's win after beating out a drag bunt.

Somewhere, Hank Steinbrenner is grinning ... until Jason Bay takes CC Sabathia deep in the new Yankee Stadium.

Eventually, there will be a post mocking the DH ... but that won't come until after I'm done with my finals.

Sigh, priorities.

Zamrbano to DL [Chicago Tribune]