BREAKING NEWS: Tiger Woods Is Human

I'd almost feel bad for Tiger Woods amidst all the blitz of negative press that is coming his way as if it were going through the Bears' offensive line.

Then I think of the millions of dollars he has in the bank and his gorgeous wife.  After that, I compare his situation to that of my own where I am living paycheck-to-paycheck ballin' on a budget and having cuddled more with my laptop over the last six months than members of the opposite sex.  I go on to hang my head in shame, shaking it from left to right as if I just kicked a puppy and got caught.

Yours truly has had enough problems trying to secure a pretty young thing of his own, and it does not help when billionaire golfers are dipping into my range of women to get their rocks off.  The world's greatest golfer doesn't need to be slumming Vegas hot spots for flings.  Now, every 24-year-old waitress, 22-year-old social butterfly and 21-year-old bar floozy will think they could land a guy like Woods.

And that leave's guys like me out in the cold.

Some say Woods' infidelities will hurt the average guy in a committed relationship in the pocketbook because of the Kobe effect.  I say it effects the average single guy in their infinite quest to get their Becky on.  Thanks to El Tigre's wandering eye, what's left for regular guys adds up to nothing more than mere aged leftovers that may or may not be good for tasting.

You don't see me trying to hook up with European super-models.  They're out of my league.  So, I'm sitting here trying to figure out why Tiger has taken the elevator down to my level.

The buried lead in this whole story are the young ladies themselves.  Sure, the cheater is bad ... but how about the girls who know the cheater is married and go after him anyway?  They're getting off scot-free when it comes to any media criticism when they are somewhat guilty in what they've done.

And really, Tiger's biggest mistake might be getting married and having kids in the first place.  Athletes have women throwing themselves in their direction since they learn how to put bat on ball, ball in hoop or ball in end zone.  Of course, the only way to accept all the free hand-outs is to not get locked down.  Then, you can get all of the loose change you can handle.

Derek Jeter has been neck-deep in hotties since the day he broke into the majors, and no one scoffs when he shows up on Page Six with a new piece of arm candy.  They just nod in approval and in awe of a living legend.

All because he isn't tied down in a long-term commitment.

But it's too late for Tiger now.  Had he been smart, he would have shared the road beef with others rather than being a hog about it.