Pigskin Pimpin On A Sunday

Your weekly installment of football stuff and gratuitous cheerleader photos after the jump ... has been replaced for this week.

Alright, so I hope no one minds that your weekly blog of cheerleader pictures has been replaced by Walter Payton.

The former Chicago Bears great died 10 years ago today.  I'll never forget the day for as long as I live.  I was a youngster in Chicago who had walked off the school bus, ready to tell my family about my day at school -- specifically -- the candy I acquired in class seeing it was the day after Halloween.

But the smile on my face quickly disappeared when I learned Sweetness had died.  Payton looked sickly for a while, but didn't make his liver ailment public until after Chicago broadcaster Mark Giangreco said Payton looked like Ghandi.  Payton made it public to save his family the ridicule of tasteless jokes like that.

It was typical Payton.  he didn't want the public to pity him.  He just wanted to live his life with his family as long as he could.  more than the greatest running back of all time, Payton worked hard on and off the field.  He did a lot for local charities and causes.  He will go down as one of Chicago's greatest athletes, but really, he will go down as one of Chicago's greatest citizens.

His presence in Chicago is missed.

So, what's the bigger headline going into today's Bears-Browns game.  Is it Tommie Harris' return after being a healthy scratch last week against the Bengals?  Possibly.  When healthy, Harris has been a Pro Bowl caliber defensive tackle.  And even though he hasn't been good this year, his presence in the line-up still demands a double team.  But unlike previous years, Harris has been unable to shed the double team.  Still, the other 10 defenders (especially someone on the D-Line) should be able to get theirs since one of their own is being tag teamed.

Or is the bigger headline the health of Jay Cutler?  OK, so JC6 is completely healthy, but this Bears offense isn't.  In wins, Cutler has thrown 7 TDs against 1 INT.  He only averages 208 yards per game and 6.7 yards per attempt in wins, but his passer rating is a solid 109.8 and his completion percentage is 71 percent.  However, when the Bears lose, he has thrown 9 INTs opposed to only 4 TDs.  His averages in yards per game (276) and yards per attempt (7.1) go up, but his passer rate (61.3) and completion percentage (60.3) plummet.

Chicago could use Matt Forte (c. 2008) and an offensive line that gets a push forward to help Cutler.  There's lots of negativity flowing toward Greg Olsen, but it is clear opposing defenses are scheming against the Bears' biggest threat in the pass game.  It's part of the reason Johnny Knox and Devin Hester are thriving with Cutler under center.

The official fantasy team of TBDS has a pretty good chance of winning today.  We've got Jay Cutler going against Cleveland in a rebound game against one of the worst teams in the NFL.  The receiving unit of Larry Fitzgerald (vs. Carolina), Donald Driver (at Minnesota) and Marques Colston (vs. Atlanta) should provide at least 30 fantasy points.  I picked up Johnny Knox knowing he'd be going up against Cleveland's defense, but there's nowhere to put him.

My only concern is at the running back position, where Frank Gore (at Indianpolis) might not get a lot of carries seeing that the 49ers are playing against the Colts and will likely be playing from behind.  Then there's Pierre Thomas (vs. Atlanta) who is awfully talented, but often is cockblocked by Mike Bell and Reggie Bush.

Thomas and Gore are projected to combine for 26 points, but I fear they won't be as productive as projected.

So much for Indiana State's winning streak.  The SIU football team demolished the Sycamores, shutting them out 33-0.

The No.3 Salukis (7-1, 6-0) allowed less than 100 yards of offense en route to its 12th consecutive Missouri Valley Football conference victory.  SIU has gone 16-2 in its last 18 conference games.  The only losses have been on the road, at North Dakota State in 2008 and at Northern Iowa in 2007.

Paul McIntosh was as good as advertised, but it's really hard to gauge his play when he's up against a team so woefully bad as Indiana State.  Mac was 15 of 22 in the air for 159 yards, gaining another 57 yards and scoring two touchdowns on the ground.

The real test comes next Saturday at No. 9 South Dakota State in a game that will likely decide the MVFC championship.

Who's Burning Detroit? WBD4.0

[Editor's Note: Last year, Scott Mieszala served as my Assistant Sports Editor before I went all Dusty Baker on him and burned him out midway through the semester.  Still, Scott presented his highly regarded weekly columns.  The fact that he is without a job while scabs such as Rick Morrissey and Chris DeLuca are still employed is a sad.  Someone, hire him.  With that said, here he is with a new rendition of his award-winning column, "Who's Burning Detroit?"]

So, who will it be this week?  Find out after the jump.


Last night FX debuted a show about fantasy football called “The League,” which predictably sucked and included a defense attorney giving his first overall pick in the draft to the prosecutor in exchange for knocking 5 years off his client’s sentence. Sadly, I don’t foresee an episode this season where both lawyers are disbarred and their lives fall apart around them. After what I saw of the first episode, I would really enjoy seeing that.  


I do have one suggestion for the show: Instead of having one guy’s wife secretly running his team, everyone accusing her of this and she and her husband denying it, why not have the wife have her own team in the league? Her team could consistently do better than her husband’s, and I think that constant emasculation would be funnier than what they went with. Also, to save face, I did not watch “The League” while the Bulls were playing or the World Series game was on. I caught the encore at 10:35 and it ended just in time for me to make a sandwich and watch the second half of the Nuggets-Blazers game.  


Anyway, the episode featured an inappropriate birthday song sung by Jon Lajoie, whose music videos like “Everyday Normal Guy,” “I Kill People” and “Show Me Your Genitals” made him Internet famous. (I don’t know if it’s safe to assume you’ve heard of him. On one hand, “Everyday Normal Guy” has about 12 million views on YouTube. On the other hand, I found out about him just last week.) The song he sang in the episode just OK, but hey, he’s singing about parents 69’ing and having sex in front of little kids, so that’s funny, right? Well, it was the bright spot of the episode, much like how during the last St. Louis Rams game I caught on TV, the announcer said the Rams’ punter was a bright spot for their season so far.  


Which brings us to this week’s WBD putting the spotlight on what I’m already proclaiming “The Worst Game of the 2009 NFL Season”: the 1-5 Detroit Lions vs. the 0-7 St. Louis Rams! (It’s just too bad Kyle Boller likely won’t be involved, or we could call it the worst game ever.) Sure, the Patriots’  59-0 embarrassment of the Titans was terrible, but at least that game had one team successfully executing on offense. You might see a nice catch here or there by Calvin Johnson if he plays, but that’s all you’re going to get. Never have I been so happy to be out of the St. Louis market, because guess what, those of you still there! If you don’t go to a bar at noon or have NFL Sunday Ticket, this is the only game you get to see!  


So if you’ll be stuck watching this terrible game, why not make it interesting and get your fantasy team involved with WBD? Because this week I’m not even going to suggest you pick up who I’m about to reveal. Sure, he’ll do better than someone like Muhsin Muhammad, but to pick this guy up is insane. He is owned in 1 percent of Yahoo! leagues and 0.8 percent of ESPN.com leagues. This guy is third on his team in receptions, but somehow has just seven more than Laurent Robinson, who played just two games and a little more than a quarter of a third this season. (Who? Exactly my point.) And in basically five more games, my WBD receiver has only 32 more receiving yards. How can I possibly suggest this person to you? I would have to be insane.  


But then again, let’s take a look at the free agent wideouts in my fantasy league, which is a 12-teamer. Only seven of these guys have 20 or more catches, and this guy is one of them. So that’s why I would actually suggest, if you have a need at wide receiver, to pick up the Rams’ Keenan Burton. I’d rather take a chance on him than Muhammad, Davone Bess or Mohamed Massaquoi, who will just disappoint you anyway. Burton has consistently been getting five or more passes thrown his way each week, and facing Detroit, these are more likely to turn into receptions and maybe a touchdown. While my suggestion was wrong last time with Jermichael Finley and Jordy Nelson, I think I have it right this time. At the very least, playing Burton could give you some investment in “The Worst Game of the 2009 NFL Season.”

Who's Burning Detroit? WBD3.0

[Editor's Note]: Last year, Scott Mieszala served as my Assistant Sports Editor before I went all Dusty Baker on him and burned him out midway through the semester.  Still, Scott presented his highly regarded weekly columns.  The fact that he is without a job while scabs such as Rick Morrissey and Chris DeLuca are still employed is a sad.  Someone, hire him.  With that said, here he is with a new rendition of his award-winning column, "Who's Burning Detroit?"

So, who will it be this week?  Find out after the jump.

I have to be honest, I was beginning to doubt the ability of “Who’s Burning Detroit?” to produce a good fantasy output from a receiver who is almost definitely available in any given fantasy league. It wasn’t due to the Lions shoring up their secondary or beefing up their pass rush. I think they just approach those problems like I approach my own problems: by drinking heavily. Obviously, getting piss-drunk isn’t conducive to fielding a good football team. Well, maybe in Australian rules football it is, but it could also be mandated. I’m not sure. I’ll have to check into that.

Also, I’m tired of typing out the entire phrase of “Who’s Burning Detroit?”. From now on, it’s WBD, and I’m omitting the question mark from the acronym so Word doesn’t automatically capitalize the first letter of the next word.

I had placed WBD on double secret probation after the Bears game, when I noticed the device hadn’t been successful since Week 1 against the Saints. I indicated this with my few ideas that couldn’t become regular features, for various reasons. For instance, “Who’s JaMarcus Russell Overthrowing on a Deep Route This Week?” can’t work because the acronym WJRODRTW is too long, and he’s going to be benched soon anyway. Right? I mean, only a crazy person would keep playing him … right, Al Davis. Sorry.

The point is I really had no other ideas. I also don’t want to end up giving a title to every obvious indicator of fantasy success. If it seems like I’ve come to loathe WBD like that guy in “Surrogates” came to rue his own invention of the surrogates, well, I’ll just say that my own operation to secretly take down WBD is already underway.

Uh oh, I fear I’ve said too much.

Mike Wallace was clutch saved WBD last week by doing exactly what I predicted when I wrote, “So if I’m right, will Mike Wallace coming through with a touchdown and at least 50 receiving yards make me feel better?” He scored on a 47-yard touchdown catch, and added another 5 yards to get to 52 and a touchdown. Pretty good, huh? It will take a few weeks to get WBD removed from double secret probation, but Wallace pulled it out from under the guillotine with that one catch.

Yeah, that’s right, a guillotine. Like from the French Revolution. Where do you think double secret probation originated? Back then, people were placed on double secret probation, and if they violated that, it was to the guillotine for them. I should know, I was a history minor in college.

The Lions play the Packers Sunday, and this week you get a special 2-for-1 deal. This week, I would suggest picking up Jordy Nelson and tight end Jermichael Finley. Both caught a touchdown from Aaron Rodgers in Week 4 against the Vikings, and Finley had an especially good game with 128 yards. The Lions’ poor pass defense isn’t any better suited to defending tight ends, and Nelson is owned in only 18 percent of Yahoo! leagues, so there you go. Once again, WBD really is wonderful. Only with it can you get the suggestion to start someone named Jordy on your fantasy team.

Which is exactly why it needs to be destroyed. (The wheels are in motion. You can’t stop my plan to destroy WBD now. I predict it will take 10 or 11 weeks minimum until it is complete.)

Who's Burning Detroit?

[Editor's Note]: Last year, Scott Mieszala served as my Assistant Sports Editor before I went all Dusty Baker on him and burned him out midway through the semester.  Still, Scott presented his highly regarded weekly columns.  The fact that he is without a job while scabs such as Rick Morrissey and Chris DeLuca are still employed is a sad.  Someone, hire him.  With that said, and the Detroit Lions are coming into Soldier Field to face the Chicago Bears, I thought it would be the perfect time to bring Scott on to reprise his award-winning column, "Who's Burning Detroit?"


So, who will it be this week?  Find out after the jump.

A lot has changed in the NFL since the 2007 season. Only one of the division winners from that season currently sits atop its division. LaDainian Tomlinson and Cedric Benson appear to have undergone the same sort of face-swap procedure that John Travolta and Nicolas Cage did in “Faceoff.” Tom Brady and the present-day Patriots’ offense look completely different than they did in 2007, but one unit doesn’t seem to have changed at all: the Detroit Lions’ defense.

At the request of this blog’s proprietor, Mr. Ludameister, I am bringing back a 2007 fantasy football column segment called “Who’s Burning Detroit?”. It was born in Week 3 of that season, when Eagles receiver Kevin Curtis torched Detroit for 221 yards and 3 touchdowns. Curtis would only catch three more touchdowns the rest of the season, and has only eclipsed 100 receiving yards in a game twice since. After that game I began ending my weekly fantasy football column with “Who’s Burning Detroit?”, directing readers to pick up a receiver available in most leagues who happened to be going against the Lions.

“Who’s Burning Detroit?” was perfect for fantasy owners who were hurting at the WR spot (e.g., me). The success stories that come to mind are Brandon Stokley (who went for 32 yards and a TD – not bad for a free agent pickup), Muhsin Muhammad (49 yards and a TD), Antwaan Randle El (100 yards) and Sidney Rice (53 yards and a TD). I’m pretty sure these guys were only owned in leagues that their parents participated in.
Look at that list again. Imagine if you could find a way to predict when Jason Kendall was to hit a home run or when Samuel Dalembert would score 15 points in a game. This is the magic of “Who’s Burning Detroit?”.
Just so we’re clear, I don’t consider myself a great innovator for simply giving a name to a way to take advantage of a favorable match-up. I’m sort of like the first guy to think to rob a bank, in that these are both simple ideas that nobody had acted on yet. Speaking of which, do you think the first bank robbery was really easy, like it didn’t occur to the first bank owner that someone might attempt to rob the place so he didn’t hire security? How long did the banks operate with no issues before the idea to rob one hit the original bank robber? And how would I go about researching such a subject?

And while we’re off-subject, I’d like to present to you this week’s Headline That Caused Me To Do A Double-Take: “Chicago Bear Jay Cutler playing within himself”  from the Chicago Tribune. I think it’s pretty clear what I misread that one to say. OK, let’s get back on topic.

Something’s going to have to change soon to level the playing field for the Lions. It’s not the players’ fault the team was being run by Matt Millen all those years, and he traded its only respectable cornerback for Tatum freaking Bell. If the NFL isn’t going to change the rules for the Lions, like giving them an extra three defenders on the field or suspending pass interference rules and giving them weapons, the fantasy football powers that be might want to think about cutting points scored against the Lions in half because they’re quite easy to come by.

(And I don’t know who the fantasy football powers that be are, or if they exist. I would assume they all strongly resemble Eric Karabell, though.)

But until then, the Bears hosting the Lions this week is really a perfect storm, so it’s a great time to bring back “Who’s Burning Detroit?”. Consider: Jay Cutler and his wide receivers are still getting used to each other, they could use an easy opponent to rack up points to get in sync, and two of them are available in most leagues. Johnny Knox, who’s available in 46 percent of Yahoo! leagues and 79.6 percent of ESPN.com leagues, has lately been referred to as Cutler’s new Eddie Royal. Then Earl Bennett, available in 75.4 percent of ESPN.com leagues and 73 percent of Yahoo! leagues, leads the Bears in receptions. Bennett, like Knox, was labeled Cutler’s new Eddie Royal. Not by the same person though. I don’t think so, at least.

If you could use some help at WR this week (say, if you’re an owner of the original Eddie Royal), “Who’s Burning Detroit?” suggests you pick up either one Bennett or Knox. I’d prefer Knox due to his big-play ability.

But who knows? Maybe the Lions’ win last week could be the start of a new era in Detroit, one in which they aren’t likely to give up decent points to virtually any wide receiver who faces them.

Pigskin Pimpin' On A Sunday

Ohhhh snap it's another edition of your favorite snarky and sarcastic football segment.  Catch it if you can ... after the jump.

Get your Kurt Cobain vigils ready, Da Bears are traveling to Seattle.

Dave Krieg's Strike Beard has attempted to rally the troops in an effort to make the Bears' time in Seattle a traumatic experience.  It's Seattle.  Consider that feat already accomplished.

T.J. Houshmybabydaddy came off as a bitter, jilted ex-lover earlier in the week as he threatened that Jerry Angelo would rue the day he refused to sign.  While talented, it seems as if the Bears GM has taken a cue from his Chicago baseball counterparts by not paying top money for a second-rate talent.  Upon hearing TJH's comments, the Bears secondary turned the other cheek -- and if they play well enough on Sunday, The Housh might be planting a pair of lips on said cheek.


As for the gameday festivities, Da Bears are coming off a feat the Seahawks and their fandom would be jealous of --  and that's beat the defending Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers.  They did so by  stumping the run without Brian Urlacher and providing that classic bend-don't-break pass defense in the guts of the game against Ben Roethlishotdogpolishberger, but they did the job at its most crucial moments.  Thankfully, the Bears won't have to deal with Big Ben or Matt Hasselbeck.  Seneca Wallace provides his own set of issues, primarily, what the heck kind of name is Seneca?

Contrary to my original opinion, today might not be a Jay Cutler kind of day.  Did you see what Frank Gore did to the Seahawks last week? Next week at this time, we'll be able to replace Gore's name with Matt Forte.

If the Bears lose, it might be due to colorblindness as the Seahawks will apparently debut a set of uniforms that even the Oregon Ducks football team thinks is a bit of an eyesore.

BISON BUSTERS

Revenge is a dish best served with a side of Bison.  It was my first thought after the SIU football team was able to hold off North Dakota State 24-14 on Saturday at McAndrew Stadium.

It was a game in which the Saluki defense did a bulk of the heavy lifting.  Kyle Walker came away with three quarterback sacks, fellow linebacker Brandin Jordan collected 10 tackles and safety Marty Rodgers picked off a fourth quarter pass that would eventually spell the beginning of the end for a Bison offense that came into the game averaging 40 points per game.

Quarterback Chris Dieker rallied from a slow start to throw a pair of touchdown passes, including a 61-yard strike to Jeff Evans.  Dieker's struggles can be a cause of concern for a Saluki squad that has their eyes set squarely on a national championship.  But it seems as if Dieker is always doing just enough to put up Ws week-in and week-out.

SIU will travel to Western Illinois for its next Missouri Valley Football Conference showdown.  The Salukis will be going up against a familiar foe that will have a few new wrinkles.  Southern should eb expecting the unexpected as the Leathernecks will likely try to rally around their coach Don Patterson, who recently resigned as he is fighting health concerns.

TIM TEBOW GOT KNOCKED THE F*** OUT




Tebow's been released from the hospital.  You can resume your lives.  And now, meet your heir apparent to the Tebow Dynasty ... John Brantley?

These fans don't seem to thrilled.

FANTASY UPDATE

After two weeks, everyone in my fantasy league owns a 1-1 record.  For the second straight week, Trent Edwards -- a late round draftee for yours truly -- gets the start over one of my top picks Jay Cutler.  I'm not feeling the Cutler-Seattle match-up and feel that Matt Forte is going to have a monster game against the Seahawks.

Unfortunately, TBDS' own Johnny Sole has Forte going for him.

Other fantasy bench warmers include TJH, Darren McFadden, Pierre Thomas, Benjamin Watson and Percy Harvin.

Yahoo!'s exit polls project me to narrowly fall to the Soleman.  Do I have a shot with what I've got to pull of a minor upset?

POLL: Bigger Disappointment: Jay Cutler Or Your Fantasy Team?

Alright, so Jay Cutler threw four interceptions in the Bears' opening night in Green Bay.  So, what?  Chicago still has 15 more games to go.  Plenty of time to make sure that Rex Grossman didn't show up to Lambeau Field wearing a white No. 6 jersey.

Cutler threw for 277 yards despite the four picks.  Don't get me wrong, the four picks won't fly when the Bears host the defending world champs next week, but imagine what he will be capable of when Detroit comes rolling into town in Week 4.

Then there's your fantasy team.  And by "your" fantasy team, I mean mine.

Marques Colston and Frank Gore were spared single-digit scoring games thanks to touchdown scores.  Willie Parker might as well have been running backward for the Steelers, and Brett Favre needs to find Vinsanthe Schiancoe for some touchdowns.  If it wasn't for Favre, no one would have even known Mark Chmura existed.  Well, except for his babysitter.  Then there was T.J.H.'s forgettable debut in Seattle.  Matt Hasselbeck throws three touchdowns (in a win) and you don't catch one of them?  That's what I call disappointment.

I really do not want to have to rely on Kevin Smith (not that guy), Vernon Davis, Felix Jones and Donald Driver to carry me to a fantasy championshp, so I'm hoping my fantasy (and reality) team get it together.  And fast.

Jay Cutler or Your Fantasy Team: Who Had The Worse Week?

• Cutler! He stunk.
• My fantasy team! They stunk.
• Luda's fantasy team! Luda's just a dumb drafter.

Created on Sep 14, 2009

View Results

poll by twiigs.com

A White Sox Winner Two Weeks Too Late

Phase one of the Chicago White Sox's playoff plan is complete, defeating the Detroit Tigers 8-2 to clinch a share of the American League Central Division title.

Phase two kicks off tomorrow when the Sox face the Minnesota Twins at U.S. Cellular Field.

Unfortunately for my fantasy team, the South Siders' victory came two weeks too late for me, personally.

Gavin Floyd picking up the win and eight strikeouts two weeks ago and Alexei Ramirez's grand slam would have given me a fantasy baseball championship.

Instead, their contributions are too little, too late.

As for White Sox Nation, sleep tight, for tomorrow you can extract your revenge by blasting your arch-rival Minnesota Twins at the comforts of home.

What's your fantasy?

Alyssa Milano. *Sighs* Now that's what comes to mind when I think about Fantasy Baseball. I digress as I breakdown how each of my eight teams made the playoffs this year against how Roto Authority tells you how to do so.

• Use conservative projections. Well, that's a little bit of a "duh" moment. If you see a projection that has Ryan Howard with a .300 batting average, you know they're smokin' some of the sticky-icky. I like to use the most conservative projections because if/when your players exceed those expectations, you feel good, no matter where your team finishes.
  
• Don't consider starting pitching until the eighth round of the draft. I completely disagree with this. My best team sports this pitching staff (pick number in parentheses): Jake Peavy (8), Brandon Webb (17), Cole Hamels (32), Roy Halladay (80), Felix Hernandez (89). It's sick and that quintet has dominated W's, K's, WHIP and ERA.
  
• Pursue power/speed threats whenever possible. Again, agreed. My power/speed threats for that team are my starting OFs: Nate McLouth, Corey Hart and Bobby Abreu.
  
• Don't pay for closers. Again, complete disagreement! You get the best of the best and you let the rest settle it out down the road. I like having three closers. For this team, I used my fourth and fifth round picks on Frankie "K-Rod" Rodriguez and Jonathan Papelbon and Kerry Wood was my 10th round pick. I think I won that category every week.
  
• Heed position scarcity. Shortstops, catchers and third baseman were at a premium this year. For most of the year, my team struggled with Alex Gordon and Bobby Crosby on the left side, but picking Geovany Soto in the 13th round was a savior. Lately, Jed Lowerie, J.J. Hardy, Ryan Zimmerman, Yunel Escobar and Alexei Ramirez have pimped out the left side.
  
• Be a waiver wire maniac. I really didn't use the waiver wire in this league, but I wish I did. I would have picked up Cliff Lee and Ryan Dempster had I known Justin Verlander and Huston Street were gonna suck this year. I turned Verlander and Street into Hardy and Jay Bruce. And you can't hate on that.
• Trade pitching for hitting. Again, doesn't make sense. Pitching wins because if you can dominate those positions (like I did in this draft) you can draft a lot smarter at the starting positions. My team for most of the year has consisted of: Soto, James Loney, B.J. Upton (traded Josh Hamilton for him...big mistake, but I still finished with a 11 game lead in first place), Escobar, Lowerie, McLouth, Abreu, Hart, Bruce and Joey Votto.
  

Other quality bits of advice:

• Draft with your head (with the help of a stat sheet), not with your heart. I understand that _______ is your favorite player on your favorite team or that ____________ is a hottie who looks good in baseball pants. But those don't count in the fantasy standings. If they did, David Eckstein would be the No. 1 overall pick based on his scrappiness.
• Position Flexibility. I like having two position players on my bench because I like having the extra pitcher on my squad. That's why position flexibility is key. Joey Votto and Yunel Escobar were mainstays on my roster this season. Why? Because Votto was eligible at 1B and OF and Escobar was 2B/3B/SS eligible. Other versatile phenoms include Chone Figgins (2/3/OF), Alexei Ramirez (2/SS/OF) Mark DeRosa (1/2/3/OF) and Ty Wigginton (1/2/3/OF).
• 'Moneyball' wins (fantasy) championships. Sure, Billy Beane's mentallity might just get his team into the playoffs, but it could bring you a fantasy championship. Guys that knock the ball out the park can win you HR and RBI, while strikeout pitchers can win you K's, WHIP and ERA for the most part.