Grading The Chicago Cubs, Part III

Manager Lou Piniella did not receive the highest grade among the Cubs' coaches.  Who did?

Yeah, Lou, this year stunk!

Lou Piniella, manager, C- -- The Cubs finished with a winning record for the third straight time for the first time in my lifetime.  It is the saving grace to what was otherwise disappointing season with Piniella at the helm.  He allowed Mike Fontenot and Kosuke Fukudome to face left-handed pitching.  Big mistake.  He allowed Kevin Gregg to close games for more than four months.  Unacceptable.  All of his best moves (moving Alfonso Soriano down in the order, playing Jake Fox everyday at third base when Aramis Ramirez went down, removing Gregg from the closer's role, moving Fukudome to the top of the order) came too little too late.  The Lou Piniella of 2007 or 2008 would have made those moves earlier in the season.

If that guy comes back in 2010, the Cubs will be a much better team.

Larry Rothschild, pitching coach, B+ -- Oh, snap.  Dave Duncan Rothschild oversaw a pitching staff that ranked in the top five in the following categories: strikeouts, strikeouts-per-nine innings (2nd), hits-per-nine innings and batting average against (3rd), earned run average, WHIP and ERA+ (5th).

The most astonishing stat might be the team's 94 quality starts, which ranked second in all of baseball.  And to think, the Cubs posted these numbers with only one player that pitched 200 innings, a rookie and without a starter to win at least 15 games.  All while Kevin Gregg and Aaron Heilman were "anchors" of the bullpen and Carlos Marmol and Carlos Zambrano each had off years.

Gerald Perry, Von Joshua; Incomplete -- Neither of these guys stepped to the plate and swung the bat.  But neither of them could solve whatever ailed Chicago's North Side hitters.  It's not their fault Jim Hendry relied on a pair of midgets to play second base and a mentally handicapped right fielder on an everyday basis.

Grading The Chicago Cubs Part II

Ted Lilly didn't suck in 2009.  In fact, he was the rotation's most steady force.  You know who did suck in 2009?

THIS PRICK!

STARTING PITCHERS

Ted Lilly, B+ -- The Cubs' lone All-Star representative won 12 games and led the team with a 1.05 WHIP.  Though he pitched like it in 2009, 2010 is a contract year for Teddy Neversmile.  Expect big things.

Ryan Dempster, B- -- Dempster pitched like someone deserving of a four-year, $52 million extension in the second half where he posted a 6-4 record, 3.15 earned run average, 1.23 WHIP and a 3.95-to-1 strikeout-to-walk ratio.  Demp was also the only Cub starter to throw 200 innings.

Randy Wells, B -- The only thing holding back Wells were his the Nationals, Cardinals, Giants and Rockies where he posted a 1-4 record, 7.29 ERA and allowed 37 hits and 12 walks in 28 1/3 innings (1.72 WHIP).

Rich Harden, C -- Harden's solid second half (4-3, 2.55 ERA, 1.11 WHIP and 88 strikeouts in 67 innings) was not enough to push the Cubs into the playoffs nor was it enough to overlook the fact that he had to be shut down in early September.

Carlos Zambrano, C -- I'm sure Dave Kaplan and Steve Stone would disagree with this grade and give Zambrano a flat-out F.  But how much better could Big Z have been if he would have gotten some support in the 9 no decisions in which he went at least six innings and allowed three runs or less?

RELIEVERS

Kevin Gregg, F -- See the Kevin Gregg and Kevin Gregg Sucks tags.

Sean Marshall, B -- Limited lefties to a .243 batting average and in a relief role, opposing hitters only hit .257.  Should either be trade bait or left in the bullpen.  As a starter, Marshall was roughed up.

Carlos Marmol, C+ -- Marmol walked and hit too many batters to get a B, but the fact that he excelled in the closer's role balances out his struggles as a set-up man in 2009.

Aaron Heilman, D -- I still can't believe you gave up a game-winning homer to Yadier Molina in the 2006 NLCS.  That still sticks in my craw.

Angel Guzman, B- -- My only advice for Guzman is to quit hurting yourself.  Oh, and to quit hurting Derrek Lee.  Guzman is slated to be Marmol's top set-up man in 2010.  He's also slated for surgery later that season.

THE OTHERS

Tom Gorzelanny, C -- I want to see more but I fear that you'll pitch more like you did with the Pirates than how you did with the Cubs.

John Grabow, B -- I can't believe you want a three-year deal.  But you did drop your WHIP from 1.50 to 1.24 after joining the Cubs.  Sounds like the kind of guy Jim Hendry would throw lots of money at for no reason.

David Patton, F -- Second worst Rule V draft pick ever.  The worst was the fact that Hendry selected Josh Hamilton only to sell him to the Cincinnati Reds before he blew up with the Rangers.  Not like the Cubs are looking for a slugging left-handed hitting outfielder...

Chad Fox, F -- Waste of a roster spot.

Neal Cotts, F -- See above.

Jason Marquis Luis Vizcaino, Incomplete -- I forgot you were even on the team at one point.

Jeff Samardzija, F -- Report to Halas Hall, immediately!

Jose Ascanio, Kevin Hart, A -- I still cannot believe the Cubs got a pair of warm bodies for these scrubs.  One of Hendry's best moves of the season.

Esmailin Caridad, Justin Berg, Jeff Stevens; Incomplete -- Come back in 2010 and prove you don't suck.

Grading The 2009 Chicago Cubs, Part I

Only one guy received an "A" according to my grading scale.  (Hint: It's the guy in the picture above.)

STARTERS

Geovanny Soto, catcher, F -- Not only did you post a .218/.321/.381/.702 line, which helped cripple what was already a hampered and hamstrung Cubs offense, you failed to pass the doobie to the left.  Shame on you, Geo.

Derrek Lee, first base, A -- D-Lee's 2009 season resembled my collegiate career.  Slow start after a massive hangover followed by a big finish.  Lee overcame a .189/.253/.284/.537 start to post a .325/.414/.624/1.039 line after April 30.  And you thought Micah Hoffpauir was going to be the answer...

Mike Fontenot, second base, F -- You're short, you're a tease and you're bad at baseball.  Those are not only reasons you should not come back and play for the Cubs in 2010, but they are reasons I got yelled at by a fellow Cubs fan because I pointed them out.  Either grow, get better at baseball or go back to Louisiana.  Got it?

Ryan Theriot, shortstop, C+ -- You're walks went down and strikeouts went up.  This summer, I hope someone sits you down in front of a hypnotist who will get paid an boatload of money just to remind you that you are not a f****** power hitter.  Steal more bases, get caught less times.  And quit overthrowing the 6-foot-6 inch first baseman!

Aramis Ramirez, third base, Incomplete -- A full season of A-Ram at third would have yielded a 28 home run, 128 RBI season.  Too bad you hurt yourself trying so damn hard to show that you actually do care about baseball.  Now hopefully those toolbags that have knocked you in the past will find someone else to hang in an effigy.

Alfonso Soriano, left field, D -- You carried the team in April (7 HRs, 14 RBIs, .955 OPS) and in July (5 HRs, 16 RBIs, .992 OPS) but it wasn't enough as you hit .185 in the other four months of baseball.  Go back to 2006, figure out what you did to be that guy, come back in 2010 and be that guy.  Hit 30 bombs and swipe 30 bags next season and maybe you won't get booed so mercilessly when you drop a routine pop up.

Kosuke Fukudome, center field, C+ -- Congrats, Fuku.  You avoided a complete second-half meltdown.  I'm quite pleased with the .796 OPS and ..375 OBP you posted this season, but the .257 batting average is unacceptable.  Neither is your .248 average from May through October.

Milton Bradley, right field, D -- I could take the easy way out and give you an "F" but I won't.  In July in August you hit .291 with a .452 OBP and .894 OPS.  But for the rest of the season you posted a .213/.321/.339/.660 line.  And then you went batsh*t crazy.  Tell your mom I'll be home for supper, trick.

RESERVES

Jeff Baker, infielder, B -- Nothing wrong with the .305/.362/.448/.810 line you posted since joining the Cubs on July 2.  You're like a cheaper, younger Mark DeRosa.  Now, if you work on that stubble, you'll become a fan favorite in no time.

Jake Fox, utility, C+ -- You kind of disappeared in the last month of baseball.  You'd be the perfect American League all-hit, no-glove player.  Too bad the Cubs are still in the National League.  Have fun in whatever AL city you get traded to.

Micah Hoffpauir, first base/outfield, C -- You allowed Cubs fans to actually think you were better than Derrek Lee.  I'm glad you struggled down the stretch because now I don't have to hear Cubs fans suggest that you should be in a first base platoon with Jake Fox.  It's just stupid columnists who make that suggestion that I'll have to deal with.

Reed Johnson, outfielder, Incomplete -- Johnson might be the only active player in baseball that could turn a 15-day DL stint into a two-month ordeal.  The only other player that could do that was Mark Prior.

Aaron Miles, infielder, F -- .185/.224/.242/.446 line in 2009 says it all.

Andres Blanco, infielder, B -- Unlike Aaron Miles, you didn't suck at being a no-hit, all-glove reserve infielder.  In fact, you actually hit above the Mendoza line.  Congrats, Andy White.

Bobby Scales, utility, C -- Unlike Aaron Miles, you didn't suck at being a no-hit, all-glove reserve infielder utility man.  In fact, you actually hit above the Mendoza line.  Congrats, Andy White.

Sam Fuld, outfielder, C+ --  I'd like to see a larger sample size (no homo) if you're going to be handed the everyday job in center field.  The Cubs shouldn't waste millions on a fourth outfielder when they already have one for a fraction of the cost.

Koyie Hill, catcher, D+ -- Offensively, you continued to suck.  Defensively, you deserve a parade for starting so many games in a row.  Quit sucking at the plate and I'll be really happy with you.

Joey Gathright, outfielder, F -- Even M.C. Hammer thought spending $800,000 on you was a bad investment.

Ryan Freel, utility, F -- Statistically, you were worse than Gathright.

Tyler Colvin, outfield, Incomplete -- Calling you up for 20 plate appearances was stupid.  Absolutely dumb.  I hope you don't suck, because the Cubs passed on Kyle Drabek, Daniel Bard, Joba Chamberlain and Chris Perez just to draft you.