A Very Merry Birthday List

For Luis C. Medina's birthday, I would like to send Phil Rogers and Kevin Gregg to this small island-nation ... permanently

Here at TBDS, I am the NBA guy. Normally I would write something exciting about the free agency period going on, like how there is going to be a UConn reunion in Motown in a matter of hours. 

But today is even more important than the beginning of NBA free agency. It is the birthday of the founder of The Big Dead Sidebar and sports blogger extraordinaire (and by that I mean the best sports blogger I have ever read), Luis C. Medina. 

So since it is his birthday, I would like to take this time to compile a list of birthday wishes I would have made reality had I been given the chance. 

1. Bryant the Bull: When Kobe says "You might as well buy a Bulls jersey," referencing his desire to play in the Windy City, than it should be a no-brainer to do everything possible to make a move for the best player in the NBA. Unfortunately, it was a brainer for Chicago's front office. They couldn't part ways with Luol Deng and bit the bullet for it. 

Had I been general manager, Mr. Medina would be one happy basketball fan right now. I would have traded Ben Gordon, Luol Deng and Tyrus Thomas with a future pick for No. 24. Bryant would have come to the Bulls where he could play alongside Derrick Rose and create chaos in the East. But instead Deng is always hurt, Gordon is leaving for nothing in return and Thomas is still searching for consistency. The end result ... Rose is forced to carry a team and Luis is a sad birthday boy. 

2. Peavy rocks the Cubbie blue: Unlike the NBA, there is no salary cap in the MLB. Why the Cubs did not push harder to get the Cy Young winner in their rotation is beyond me. Now the Cubs are 36-38 and it's no longer early in the season. Luis is frustrated and it's all cause Chicago just couldn't part ways with Carlos Marmol or top-prospects or anyone else the Padres were interested in. I would have sent Marmol or Lilly or almost whoever the Padres wanted to get Peavy. But instead, Luis is shocked to see his favorite-to-win-the-division Cubbies in fourth place and under .500.  

3. Can we flip-flop: If missing out on Peavy wasn't bad enough, the Cubs virtually traded beloved Mark DeRosa for unbeloved Aaron Miles. If I had the power to give one single gift to Mr. Medina, it would be to make a trade right now sending Miles back home to St. Louis for DeRosa. I know it wouldn't vastly improve the club, but at least it would give Cubs fans a reason to smile and something to cheer about. There is something about DeRosa that just makes a baseball fan feel good inside. 

4. See you later: I would like to buy two tickets to Vanuatu (it's a small island-nation in the south Pacific). And I didn't buy them for Luis to take a vacation either. The tickets would be for my greatest gift of all. I would round up Phil Rogers and Kevin Gregg and send them on their merry way. With Phil Rogers gone, Luis could take his rightful place at the Chicago Tribune and with Kevin Gregg gone ... well that just makes everyone a little more sane. 

5. Make it rain: I am currently trying to track down Pacman Jones so he can make it rain on Hollywood. Someone needs to put up the money to make "Moneyball" a reality. I for one am not that excited for the movie, but it seems important to Luis and the only way I could see the movie being even better is to see Adam "Pacman" Jones name appear as the producer for the movie during the opening credits. 

6. The Bears get a QB: What's that? You say the Bears signed Jay Cutler? You mean the Pro Bowl quarterback right? Hmm .... Well then that wish has become a reality! It looks like while the other five failed to happen, this is true! With Matt Forte, a new defensive coordinator and a healthy offensive line ... well ...

It looks like you might have a happy birthday after all (though you will have to wait until September).

Dreams Of A Second Chance: C'mon Kobe, Opt Out And Bring Your Game To The Chi

If I only knew photoshop well enough to put Kobe in a Bulls uni, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

The only way Kobe Bryant could have ignored the comparisons to Michael Jordan would have included going blind and deaf.

Hang time? Check. Fade-away jumper? Check. The undying will to win? Check. Alleged infidelity? Check. Relationship with Phil Jackson? Check. Championship rings? Quadruple check. The only thing missing from Bryant's resume is a stint playing minor league baseball.

And like Jordan, Bryant embraces challenges of all shapes and sizes. So, here, I will propose to Kobe his next challenge.

Opt out of your contract and come to Chicago.

Allow me to point out that Bryant actually exercising his opt-out clause and leaving Los Angeles has odds that are as slim as me dating Erin Andrews on the regular or the Cubs offense showing signs of life.

Now, I understand it would take a lot of contract maneuvering (*cough*LuolDeng*cough*) on the Bulls' part and quite the ploy to lure the NBA's best player, but I have a legit pitch (which does not include any hotel workers) that could bring Bryant to a place he once predicted he would go.

Forwards Lamar Odom and Trevor Ariza, who were X-Factors in the Lakers' championship run, will become free agents on July 1st and are unlikely to return unless the Los Angeles front office is willing to turn a blind-eye to the luxury tax fee it would incur if both come back.

Let's be real: Ariza will get dozens upon dozens of brown sacks with green dollar signs on them from some team because of his defensive ability and sharpshooting 3-point eye. Odom should get the same treatment, but maybe this time in the non-descript black briefcase form, as 6-foot-11-inch forwards with unlimited range and post-up moves do not grow on trees.

But it doesn't stop there as Jordan Farmar (restricted) and Derek Fisher (unrestricted) become free agents at the end of next season.

Then there is the case of Phil Jackson, who could do what he did in 1998 all over again, and ride out into the sunset with that elusive 10th ring on his finger.

Sure, Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum form a formidable frontcourt duo on paper, but they still carry red flags in their back pockets. Bynum still has yet to put together a full, 82-game season under his belt as he has proven to be brittle in his young NBA career. And call me a hater, but just because Gasol rode Kobe to a title does not necessarily mean the soft label is immediately shed. He still settles for jumpers, and I didn't see him man-up on D-12 much in the Finals.

Meanwhile, in Chicago, a young explosive point guard by the name of Derrick Rose awaits. Joakim Noah and Tyrus Thomas can serve as frontcourt figures or trade bait, whichever Bryant prefer. Same goes with Luol Deng and Kirk Hinrich. With John Salmons and Brad Miller returning as role players next season, adding the world's best player only makes role players better.

Not to mention, the Bulls have a pair of first round picks in which the Bulls could use to draft bench help, or package in an attempt to bring Bryant a superstar sidekick.

Imagine Rose running the break flanked by Bryant on his right, Wayne Ellington on his left ready to spot up for three along with Noah and Thomas crashing the boards.

I think I just wet myself a little. Maybe if Bryant read this, he might, too.

Kobe, your work is done in Los Angeles. But you have some unfinished business in the City of Wind.

Kobe, Tell Me How My Rap Tastes

By now you know about how great Kobe was and how bad the Magic were last night.

But maybe you're new to some of the hottest new music on the scene. Unfortunately, it's not what you think.

Jay-Z's "Blueprint 3" isn't slated 'til September and this summer is still desperate for that one slamming hip-hop hit that everyone will be playing at 11 on their radios and such.

Last year, it was Lil' Wayne's "Lollipop" that blew out speakers nationwide throughout the summer. This year Wayne's back at it again with a song about ... Kobe Bryant?



I'm pretty sure Weezy's a Hornets fan, or at least he has claimed to sleep with women who sleep with the Hornets. (Seriously, I want that Wayne from Da Carter I back for good!)

In a bizarre video, a woman raps about being Kobe's alleged rapist. This can't be her, can it? This can't be real, in fact, I hope it isn't. Just a misguided attempt at humor. Either way, I'm disturbed so I figure I'd share that with you.



(Hat Tip: The Rap Up)

And the creme-de-la-creme. The Great Shaq-Fu in last summer's second best rap song.

Kobe, you f@#$%*& idiot!

Kobe, are you pointing at someone smarter than you?

"Cathartic? I ain't go to college. I don't know what cathartic means." - Kobe Bryant.

It would be really easy to insert a joke about how Kobe doesn't know what "no" means either, but alas, I'll pass.

But seriously, Kobe, you're better than that. You don't get an increase in street cred for being stupid.

Kobe > LeBron: Game, set & match

Allow me to get this out of my system, please.

LeBron James is a man among boys.

He's a point guard in a power forward's body.

He cuts through defenses like a hot knife through butter.

He passes as if he has eyes in the back of his head.

He has the potential to be one of the all-time greats.

But when push came to shove in the Gold Medal game, Kobe Bryant threw the punch.

Bryant put the entire United States on his back and scored 13 fourth-quarter points en route to bringing home the Gold for the Redeem Team. It was sweet redemption for Bryant, a part of the 2004 team that finished with a bronze medal.

And months after his championship aspirations were dashed by the Boston Celtics in June, it looked like Kobe took out his frustrations on Pau Gasol and the Spaniards.

Yes, Dwyane Wade led U.S. scorers with 27 points, but when Team U.S.A. needed a key basket all eyes were on Kobe and he did not disappoint. He was ESPN classic "en fuego" and Spain "couldn't stop him, they could only hope to contain him" ... and they couldn't.

As Chris Bosh, Deron Williams and Chris Paul enter their primes, Team U.S.A. should only get better as they try to reclaim the strangle-hold they had on the world's top spot.

And just like Superman, Kobe will be there when you need him the most.

Mike > Kobe ... 'Nuff Said!

Michael Jordan is the greatest player to ever step on the hardwood. You know that. I know that. Everyone with an ounce of Basketball IQ knows that.

Let it sink in. Best Ever.

And while LeBron James might take a shot at that title down the line (especially if he wins a few championships and improves on that career 72.8% free-throw percentage) Kobe Bryant had the chance to really make his voice heard in the argument of being the G.O.A.T.

Unfortunately for Bryant, the Boston Celtics hit the mute button. En route to clinching their 17th title, the Celtics shut down the league MVP to the tune of 25.6 PPG, 40-percent shooting from the field and 32-percent shooting from 3-point land.

And if you're feeling a sense of deja vu after watching Game 6, you're not the only one.

Just like he did in Game 5, Bryant began the game like he was shooting with a blowtorch. He shot 4-of-5 from the field including 3-of-4 from beyond the arc. KB24's 13-point first quarter was eerily similar to his 15-point first quarter in Game 5.

And just like Game 5, that's where it ended.

Paul Pierce & Co. tied Kobe's hands with twine and shoved him in the freezer as his Laker teammates followed. Actually, they didn't, but they might as well have.

Kobe went basket-less from the 5:30 mark in the first quarter to the 7:07 mark of the 3rd. Bryant finished with a team-high 22 points on 7-of-22 shooting. That's not the stuff that champions are made of.

After knifing his way through the talent-heavy teams of the Western Conference, he was out-dueled by Paul Pierce. It seems so long ago when the man known as "The Truth" was almost run out of Beantown before Ray Allen came a-callin' and Minnesota Timberwolves exec Kevin McHale sent Kevin Garnett out east in exchange for Al Jefferson and Sebastian Telfair's high school highlight video.

Kobe is the best player in the NBA today, I understand that. He has the ability to light up scoreboards by making acrobatic shots and by throwing down thunderous dunks that a FatHead couldn't even capture. And yes, three championships, numerous All-Star appearances and a Most Valuable Player award put him in rarefied air (pun intended.)

All of that was thwarted thanks to stifling defense and a lack of production by his teammates. In the Game 6 loss Lamar Odom scored 14 points, Jordan Farmar had 12 and Pau Gasol pitched in with 11.

I would be more willing to cut Kobe some slack had he lit up the Celts despite the losing effort. Instead, he'll catch a lot of the blame and it will be well deserved. Where Jordan thrived in taking over games late after getting his teammates involved early, Bryant failed.

Instead of demanding the rock, Black Mamba deferred to Odom, Farmar, Gasol, Sasha Vujacic and Derrick Fisher. And he seemed intent on doing so, as if he wanted to show the world how much great he was by pantsing his teammates and proving to the world that the aforementioned Lakers would likely be jobless without Bryant's talent.

And even with that talent, the final score read 131-92. Shouldn't that score be a little closer since the best player in the world is playing on the team with 92 points? Shouldn't he have 40 of those himself?

Guess not. And that's where the Jordan comparisons should completely come to an end because Jordan never let his teammates hold him down.

Remember, this is the man who scored 63 in the (original) Garden before Scottie Pippen, Horace Grant, John Paxson and Dennis Rodman were even in the team picture.

Did Jordan ever check down to see what Pip was doing? No. How about Ron Harper? Nope. What about Bill Cartwright? Don't worry, I'll wait.

The only times I saw No. 23 call a number other than his own was in 1993 when Johnny Jumpshot buried the Phoneix Suns and when Steve Kerr finished off the Utah Jazz in 1997.

That's it.

While Kobe & The Gang have a quiet plane ride home to L.A., Boston celebrates it's almost perfect sports year as they make their case for ESPN's Titletown USA competition.

Now that it's over, I can't help but wonder when the Kobe-to-Chicago for the No. 1 overall pick rumors will begin.

What, too soon?