NFL Wild Card Drinking Game Part II

There are times in sports where boozing is necessary.  Especially if you are a Detroit Lions fan.

And if you have nothing better to do than watch football on a Sunday with your friends and a few frosty adult beverages, then you are living the good life.  The following is an instruction manual on how to watch football, booze up and leave some room in the tank for game two.

Ravens @ Patriots

If any of the following occurs, take one drink

• Any reference to the Patriots' dynasty
  
• Any reference of the Ravens' 2000 Super Bowl championship
  
• Either team runs a play and you think to yourself "Is Ron Turner calling these plays?" (two shots for a run up the middle, finish if the play loses yardage; finish if you find yourself saying "I wish the Bears could run that play)
• Any mention of Spygate
• Any time you hear "overcoming adversity"

If any of the following occurs, take two drinks

• Any reference to Bill Belichick's wardrobe.
• Any reference of Tom Brady's very attractive wife.
  
• Any mention of John Harbaugh's brother, Jim.
  
• Any time an announcer makes reference to missing Wes Welker
  
• Any reference to former Ravens DC Rex Ryan or the Jets
  

If any of the following occurs, finish your drink

• Announcers reference Ray Lewis' passion
  
• Announcers mention Patriots won more games last year, but missed playoffs
  
• Announcers make note that Tom Brady has never lost a home playoff game
• Any time you hear "these teams know how to win"
  
• Any reference of the Patriots' perfect season
  

If any of the following occurs, make sure you hire a designated driver not named "Stallworth"

• Any time you are reminded Gisele is more attractive than your girlfriend
• Any time you make it known to your girlfriend that she is not as attractive as Gisele.
  

We'll have the Cardinals/Packers drinking game later.

Dissing Suzy Kolber

I'd like to start this off by saying I really enjoy Suzy Kolber's sideline work.  She's insightful and entertaining, and hey, she's kind of attractive, too.  In all honesty, you might have a shot at her as long as you don't come off as a drunken fool.

Kolber will always be remembered for dodging the unrequited love of Hall of Fame Jets QB Joe Namath, but she should get major props for chasing down Tom Brady -- who obviously did not want to do a post game interview.

Why?


Maybe he was given a gag order by Bill Belichick.  Maybe his gorgeous supermodel wife has put the clamps down on him talking to other girls.  Maybe he was trying to leave as quickly as possible so he could go home and see said supermodel wife.  No matter the case, Kolber eventually got Giselle's her man and Brady spoke.

Oh, and his leg looked fine.  Especially on those touchdown tosses to Benjamin Watson, who I will be scrambling to add to my fantasy team right away.  Brady has quietly won 18-straight regular season games.  And somewhere, Matt Cassel is hanging out in Kansas City, injured, but likely enjoying some awesome BBQ.

So, the question of the day is whether or not Brady should have stopped and given Kolber the time of day.  Trust me, I know the media can be a nusiance to some of these players -- especially when they get brainwashed by Belichick. But what's the harm of giving a sideline reporter a little bit (but not too much) of your undivided attention.

We all know Broadway Joe would have done at least that.

POLL: Sam Bradford vs. Richard Seymour: Who's Got It Worse?

Overheard in Oklahoma: "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Seeing Sam Bradford on the sidelines with a sling on his arm is Exhibit A on why he should have left college last season.

He won't repeat as Heisman winner, and if he declares for the draft, he won't be nearly as highly sought after as he was/would have been had he come out last year.  The Oklahoma QB came back to school to try to make history, win another Heisman trophy and possibly compete for a national championship.  Oh yeah, and get that degree in whatever field he'll go pro in after sports.

The bad news is that Bradford by passed millions upon millions of dollars only to see himself get injured in the first game of the season.  The good news is that he doesn't have to play for the Detroit Lions.

On the other hand, there's Richard Seymour, who was traded from one of football's best franchises to the league's absolute worst.  The New England Patriots dealt the star defensive lineman to the Oakland Raiders for a 2011 first-round pick.


But if it's any consolation, the 2011 pick will likely be in the top-10, if not better.  It's the Raiders, they'll continue to fall.  Trust me.

Seymour probably isn't smiling any more after being shipped to Oakland.

It's a head scratcher at first as the Pats deal away one of their best defenders to cap an offseason that saw Mike Vrabel traded and Tedy Bruschi retire -- only one season after losing cornerback Asante Samuel to the Philadelphia Eagles.  Seymour's presence made New England's defense good, but not great.

But If I was a Pats fan, I'd pray for Tom Brady's health on a nightly basis because it's all on his shoulders as New England games will likely feature some Madden-esque scores when it's all said and done.

Bradford? Seymour Who's Got It Worse?

• Bradford! He blew a chance at millions.
• Seymour! He has to play in Oakland.
• Both!
• Neither! Nationals fans have it the worse.

Created on Sep 6, 2009

View Results

poll by twiigs.com

Chief Cassel could be Pioli's big prize

It looks like fans of the NFL will get to see if the Patriot Way can survive a road trip out west.

The architect of the New England Patriots dyansty, Scott Pioli, took the GM job of the Kansas City Chiefs and has already made his move to put his own imprint on the franchise. He removed Herman Edwards and brought in Todd Haley, whose dynamic offense was a toe-tap from winning the Super Bowl.

It is not as if the Chiefs had no offensive firepower as Dwayne Bowe, Tony Gonzalez and Larry Johnson are all viable options at their respective positions. And even though Tyler Thigpen won landed me a third-place finish in one of my fantasy football leagues, Pioli was apparently none to impressed.

So he brought in bench-warmer-turned-savior Matt Cassel (and linebacker/tight end Mike Vrabel) in exchange for a second round pick.

That's right. Just a second round pick.

Former Chicago bantering fool Jay Mariotti is already calling shenanigans as the Pats probably could have gotten a lot more than just a second round pick.

What better way to thank Pioli, who tag-teamed with Belichick to mold three Super Bowl-champion teams, than by setting him up with a dramatic personnel boost in his first winter? Problem is, it smacks of an integrity issue when Belichick earmarks business with a pal and doesn't maximize his return in a big trade. You think other teams aren't irked today at The Gray Hoodie's unusual graciousness? Complicating the story was a Saturday night report on ESPN.com that the Denver Broncos had pursued a three-way trade that would have reunited Cassel with new Broncos coach Josh McDaniels and sent Jay Cutler to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who would have compensated the Patriots. The talks fell through for whatever reason -- all of which is said to rightfully anger Cutler, an accomplished Pro Bowl quarterback who reportedly wants to be traded now -- and it prompts more questions about the Belichick-Pioli perfecta winning out.

OMG could Jay the Joke actually make sense? I'm saying no only because I'm not sure what would happen if I were to actually agree 100% with a Mariotti idea.

Weird.

Back to the point of this whole blog.

Football fans will soon find out of the Patriot Way is more than a bunch of smoke, mirrors and video cameras. If Pioli can revive Chiefs with a Cardinals-like offense led by the most sought after back-up QB since Elvis Grbac without creepin' on the sidelines with some Cheaters-type spycam, then he'll probably deserve more than a plaque in the GM Hall of Fame.

Maybe a video tribute would be most fitting for Pioli and the Patriot Way.

The Fair Catch: QB Quandry

Apparently, this young lady is a New England Patriots cheerleader. Hence, more reason the Chicago Bears need to bring back the Honey Bears.

I digress.

Welcome to the inaugural edition of The Fair Catch, a weekly pro football feature blog that will appear here on Monday mornings.

I understand Bill Belichick has a busy schedule ahead of him.

He's got film to watch and a prosperous social life, as well. So I understand why finding a quarterback to replace Tom Brady might not be priority No. 1 on his list.

Wait. You mean you watched your Sunday football with the mute button on all day? Surely you were on the edge of your seat awaiting what the good folks at ESPN had to say about the day's action, right?

Well, to be totally honest, if the volume on your TV was working, then you would have thought the loss of Brady was the equivalent of a national disaster at worse or that he was kidnapped Dan Marino-style (circa Ace Ventura: Pet Detective) at best.

To be honest, I'm surprised Belichick doesn't have a chryogenically frozen Brady clone thawing between Austin Powers and Ted Williams' cranium. Or maybe he does and we just don't know about it.

Anyway, the Pats need a new QB because Matt Cassel just doesn't cut it for a team that has won 20 consecutive regular season games. Luckily, there are plenty of options to choose from.

The rundown:

• Daunte Culpepper - The recently retired QB could resurrect his career with the Pats. Some blame his downfall to the Madden Curse. I blame it on not having Randy Moss to catch his bombs. Wait. The Pats have Moss. Hmmm....
• Phil Simms - I know that the rumor is that his son Chris is going to take a physical and what not, but at this point of his career, I would rather have Phil as a starter than Chris as on my team's practice squad.
• Tim Rattay - The former Louisiana Tech product would likely feel comfortable with the kind of weapons the Patriots have. He'll have to pass a background check before he would get to use them though.
• Alex Smith/Matt Leinart - Soon to be exiled from the NFC West, the former first-round flops could thrive in a change of scenery. And by that I mean leaving the black hole that is west coast pro football.
• Rex Grossman - Apparently, the SexCannon's days under center are over and he's not happy about it. And I don't blame him. The last Big Ten QB out of Purdue to be worth a damn was Drew Brees. Maybe the Bears can trade Grossman for a bag of footballs to be named later.
  

The Pats could always just stick it out with Cassel, who hasn't started regularly since high school, and hope he becomes the next Brady.

And if that fails, Patriots fans can use this to get through the upcoming season.

Spygate: Is it over yet?

Yesterday, more videos were leaked by former New England Patriots video assistant Matt Walsh. These videos revealed more of the 'Patriot Way,' which evidently includes the oppositions signals, following plays, down and distance and time remaining.

It was pretty damning evidence, to the point where SportsCenter aired a special with Cris Carter and Mark Schlereth dissecting the video.

After seeing the videos, the question of the day is as follows: should the NFL levy more punishment on the Pats?

I, for one, was stunned to see the kind of video provided by Walsh. It's hard enough to stop Tom Brady, but when he knows what kind of package you're throwing at him it's got to be harder.

Maybe, in an effort to punish the Pats (and set a standard for the rest of the league that this type of cheating would not be tolerated) the league should strip the Pats of a first round pick in 2009, a second round pick in 2010 and a third round pick in 2011.

Spread the punishment and show them who's boss. Because if it was Pac Man Jones shooting the video, the Pats would probably be banned from the NFL.

Instead the NFL likely won't do anything, because, um, well, I don't know why they wouldn't.

Whatever?

-LMed