Cubs Call Up Guy I've Never Heard Of With Wicked (Note: Fake) Stats

If the Cubs really were hiding a player with a 510-0 career record, 1.02 ERA and 125 saves, he probably wouldn't have allowed three runs (plus two inherited runners) on seven hits in 5.1 innings in his Major League debut. Maybe that explains the 489 hits in 132 innings pitched.

Well, at least he improved on that outrageous 3.73 WHIP.

via The Baseball Cube

Jake Peavy Couldn't Come Soon Enough, Could He?

Bartolo Colon's uninspiring line read as follows:

2.0 IP 7 H 8 R 1 ER 2 BB 1 K 2 HR 7 DCE*

*DCE denotes Double Cheeseburgers Eaten.

Hat Tip: Deadspin, Yahoo!

Offense Would Definitely Be A San Francisco Treat

I guess I wasn't the only one who wasn't rounding the bases and scoring this weekend.

The San Francisco Giants scored 12 runs in their three-game series against the Chicago Cubs.

The only beneficiary was Tim Lincecum, who picked up his 11th win.

But really, 12 runs? That sucks! But I'm not surprised, they're run differential is minus-59. That means they've given up more runs than they've scored. And that's with Lincecum on the team.

Damn!

The Giants also rank No. 27 of 30 teams in runs scored. 20th in hits. 30th in home runs. 26th in RBIs. 21st in batting average. 25th in on-base percentage. 24th in OPS.

Giants fans, do you miss Barry Bonds yet?

So you're thinking to yourself that putting up crooked numbers isn't something the G-Men are good at. But maybe there's something in the water out there.

Take into consideration that the San Francisco 49ers scored the least amount of points in the NFL in 2007 (219) and averaged 13.7 points per game.

At least the Bay Area has the Warriors, who apperently understand the concept that you can't win if you don't score. In the 2007-08 season, the Golden Stater's averaged 111 points. But they didn't make the playoffs.

Well, neither did the 49ers. Neither will the Giants.