Be Careful What You Wish For: Milton Bradley Has Been Traded

Chicago media members and Cubs fans everywhere got their collective wish granted on Friday as Jim Hendry traded Milton Bradley to Seattle.

Cubs fans everywhere celebrated the deal as if the team had won its first World Series since 1908.  So, what did Hendry get to make everyone so giddy?

Carlos Silva.

That's right sports fans.  The Cubs just acquired a contract that would be harder to get rid of and who is just as much of a prick.

Only the Cubs would be able to trade Bradley and get a worse player in return.

Can you say Cutlerfucked?

By acquiring Silva, Hendry added to the roster a guy who owns a 29-47 record, 1.54 WHIP and a 6.29 earned run average in the four years since finishing with a 9-8 record.  Take note that it was 2005 when Silva last owned a respectable record, earned run average and WHIP.  In 2006, Silva led the American League with 38 home runs.  That would be a great statistic for an outfield that combined to hit 43 home runs last season until you realize that Silva is a starting pitcher rather than an everyday player.

In a park notorious for giving up the long ball, why on earth would the Cubs trade a serviceable major league outfielder for absolute cow dung.  If you thought Kevin Gregg made your blood boil, watching Silva take the bump will be like watching six or seven innings worth of Gregg.

For all of his flaws, at least Crazy Uncle Milton didn't suck.

Last season, Silva posted a 1-3 record, an 8.60 ERA, a 1.714 WHIP in only 8 games.  Why 8 games?  Because he was hurt most of the year.  For a front office to refuse salary arbitration to Rich Harden because they feared the oft-injured pitcher would accept it to go out and bring in someone who made six starts in the same season Harden made 26 reminds me that Jim Hendry is in fact baseball's dumbest person.

He makes Cardinals fans look like Einstein.

And MLB.com's Carrie Muskat has the nerve to wish Cubs fans a Merry Christmas.  Merry Christmas?  A good Christmas present would have been trading Bradley to Seattle for Ken Griffey Jr. and a time machine that can be set to 1997 upon Junior's arrival to Chicago.

A few days later, Muskat suggested Lou Piniella would have a "merrier holiday" without Bradley.  Possibly.  That is until he realizes his best option to start in center field is Sam Fuld.  After that, the following conversation occurred

Lou: Jim, where the fuck is my center fielder?
Jim: What, you don't like Sam Fuld? I think he'll be fine.
Lou: Why do you force me to field a team of midgets? Can I have someone tall enough to ride the fucking Tea Cups at Disney World?
Jim: Of course I could. We've got options.
Lou: Alright. What are our options?
Jim: Marlon Byrd. Scott Podsednik. Rick Ankiel

At that point, Sweet Uncle Lou has a few options of his own.  Option No. 1 is to punch Hendry in his throat. Option No. 2 is to kick Hendry in the stomach.  Option No. 3 is throwing Hendry off the top of a very tall building after using a combination of the first two options.

That's it, Cubs fans.  Your over-the-top hatred of Milty has led us to believe that our best outfield options are the white version of Juan Pierre, a once-roided up ex-Cardinals outfielder and a former Texas Rangers outfielder coming off a career year.

At this point, the highlight of the offseason could come if Matt Capps nixes the Washington Nationals and signs with the Cubs.

Furthermore, the Milton Bradley Era is another reminder of the stupidity that has been the past two prior Cubs offseasons.  Let's run them down, shall we?

2009 Offseason

• Release All-Star closer who converted 34 saves without offering arbitration and getting draft picks and return.
• Trade once untouchable prospect for Kevin Gregg to replace All-Star closer.
  
• Trade popular second baseman who will remain nameless for prospects to replenish a bare farm system.
  
• Replace said second baseman (who hit .285/.376/.481/.857 with 21 HR & 87 RBIs) with Aaron Miles.
• Trade former No. 1 prospect for another team's former No. 1 prospect, trade that prospect for Aaron Heilman.
• Trade over-paid, inning-eating back-of-the-rotation guy, pay him to eat innings elsewhere.
• Sign guy who had never hit more than 22 home runs or drive in more than 77 RBIs to be middle-of-the-order left-handed bat.

2010 Offseason

• Dump Kevin Gregg
• Dump Aaron Miles
• Dump Aaron Heilman
• Dump Milton Bradley
• Get over-paid, inning-eating back-of-the-rotation guy 
  

Think about it, folks.  The Cubs brought in Gregg, Miles, Heilman and Bradley for the 2009 season and paid them a collective $13.025 million (not to mention the $875,000 Hendry gave to the Rockies to take Jason Marquis off his hands) for one year and 83 stinkin' wins.

Oh, lest we forget the Cubs traded their best bench bat to Oakland so they could get rid of Miles in the first place in exchange for spare parts and let their best second-half starter walk away without getting anything in return.

And the 2010 Cubs are supposed to be better?

Someone wake me up when it's 2011, I might have to go into hibernation once Opening Day rolls around.

Starting In Right Field For Your 2010 Cubs: Milton Bradley

The Winter Meetings have come and gone, yet, Milton Bradley is still a Cub.

Are you surprised?  You shouldn't be.

The Cubs butchered this whole ordeal from Day 1.  And not Day 1 of the offseason, either.  It all began when they signed Bradley in the first place. Three-years and $30 million for a player who has been on seven different teams in his big league career and had accumulated 500 plate appearances only twice in his entire career. 

Signing a guy coming off posting a .999 OPS to lead the American League is a good idea.  Signing the guy for three years when he hadn't spent more than two full seasons on a team since the first three years of this decade is a bad one.

Then, there would be the handling of Crazy Uncle Milton, who was treated as if he had "fragile" stamped on his forehead.  It all fell apart in September when Hendry & Co. botched the season-end suspension.  Rather than keep in in house, the Cubs pissed all over any trade value Bradley would have had by throwing him under the bus.

Hendry could have spent the offseason saying, "We sat Milty the last two weeks of the season because we wanted to have him healthy going into an offseason where we knew we'd try to trade him.  He wasn't a fit with our team, but he could fit yours."  Now, there's no hiding behind that anonymity because everyone knows Bradley's a dickhead.

The sad this is that Bradley has handled his demotion well.  He hasn't been seen or heard from, which is good.  It might make things easier come Spring Training when the Cubs have to mend fences after publicly trying to trade their starting right fielder who is set to earn $21 million over the next two seasons.

Oh, and just to make things even more difficult, the guy who has nothing to do with baseball operation has to open his stinkin' mouth.  Go away, Crane Kenney.  Do so as quick as possible.

If you thought he was a dick before, imagine how much more of a dick he could be if he wanted to be after this failed fiasco.

And for the second straight year, the Chicago Cubs have been handcuffed by a contract Jim Hendry outbid no one but himself to sign.  Last year, Hendry was so dedicated to unloading Jason Marquis' $9.875 million contract, it bogged down any progress in getting his guy -- Jake Peavy.  This season, Hendry found himself strapped with Crazy Uncle Milton's contract, so much so it proved to be one of the deciding factors in Hendry's inability to get his guy -- again.  This time it was Curtis Granderson.

The New York Daily News has it covered.  And by "it" I mean, manager Lou Piniella being pissed about not getting what he wants for the second straight off-season.

"Our primary need is an outfielder who can hit fifth, and Granderson was our No. 1 choice," Piniella said Wednesday. "There was just no way we could get him, and once again the Yankees swooped in and got their man. I know he struck out a lot, but that's the product of being in that lineup over in Detroit where they all come out swinging. He probably tried to do too much last year and he was trying to pull the ball too much. When he gets over to the Yankees, he'll automatically become more selective just by association."

It's December, and Sweet Uncle Lou is already pissed off about the prospects of the 2010 season.

There is no secret that Piniella is entering lame-duck status next season, but I'm not sure why.  If anything, he should be given an extension for what he did last year.  Piniella has been the most successful manager the Cubs have had in my 23-year lifetime.

Of the 16 managers the Cubs have had since 1986, only three have been at .500 or better.  Piniella is one of them, and before he took over, you've got to go back to Jim Lefebvre, who was 162-162 in two years with the team.

At times, it looked like Piniella was lost and being out-managed.  And while Piniella might have lost a step in those too-tight-for-comfort baseball pants, he has yet to lose his eye for talent.

Meanwhile, Jim Hendry seems to be the Stevie Wonder of spotting talent.

Let's compare what Piniella has done in regard to talent recognition compared to what Hendry has done.  For the sake of space, I'll choose six.

Hendry:

• Identified Alfonso Soriano as a lead-off hitter and center fielder (people forget that one)
  
• Outbid himself to sign Milton Bradley, Jason Marquis to three year deals for no reason
• Failed to identify Josh Hamilton as a possible outfield option
• Traded three valuable pieces for one year of Juan Pierre
• Traded the once untouchable (and under team control for several years) Jose Ceda for one (very bad) year of Kevin Gregg
  
• Traded Greg Maddux for Cesar Izturis.
  

Piniella:

• Sent Carlos Marmol & Angel Guzman from the rotation to the 'pen
• Moved Ryan Dempster from the 'pen to the rotation
• Replaced Cesar Izturis with Ryan Theriot
• Had the foresight to play Geovany Soto in a playoff race in 2007, and let him flourish in 2008
• Sent Michael Barrett to the bench before Hendry eventually sent him packing in 2007

The Cubs should find a way to remove Hendry from making player personnel decisions, while somehow giving that task to Piniella upon his retirement.  Believe it or not, Piniella changed the mindset of fans and the way this franchise looks at some of its young talent.
Piniella's biggest miscues as a manager (Soriano in the lead-off spot, Gregg as closer) came about because of Hendry's miscalculations.


Here's hoping Henry's latest gaffe is his last.  Until then, start training your eyes to see No. 21 in right field ... again.

Milton Bradley & Hyperbole, FTW!

George Ofman has been covering the Chicago sports scene for 36 years. So, that should mean he should know better than to bust out this crap in his recent Chicago Now blog.

Bradley isn't just a negative.  He's a pariah, a lowlife of the lowest magnitude.

Focus on this line though.
He's a pariah, a lowlife of the lowest magnitude.

Wow.  Tiger Woods, you're off the hook dude.  Transgressions?  Pffft.  You ain't got shit on Crazy Uncle Milton according to George The All-Knowing.

I defended Milty on this blog for months, but stopped when he blew up in September.  For one final time, I'll defend him.

Bradley didn't play well in Chicago.  He sucked.  He made a lot of bad baseball decisions and while he had a good July and was serviceable in August, it didn't merit what he made this season and what he will make in the next two years of his contract.

But I think it is time for people to stop acting as if Milton Bradley cooked up swine flu and spread it among Americans for his own pleasure, while kicking puppies and pissing on your uncle's grave in the process.  Bradley may have offended you with his poor play and lack of sportsmanship, but it is not like he sucker-punched your brother and had a go with your sister, video taped it and posted it online.

Milt is a Cub right now, and if Jim Hendry cannot fix his boo-boo, he'll have to live with Bradley for another season in right field.  And even if/when Hendry dumps Bradley on some unsuspecting team (though they should all be expecting the worse this time around) the Cubs will still have a hole in the outfield (among other areas) to fill.

The Cubs could use a guy who has posted a .907 OPS over the last three seasons.  I wonder where they can find that guy?

Milton Bradley: Game Over

Milton Bradley's career as a Chicago Cub was doomed from the get-go.

Disaster lurked around every corner as Bradley never could live up to the lofty expectations Jim Hendry set forth for him.  Whether it was his ill-fated choice of the No. 21, the strikeout in his first AB in front of the home folks, the tirade on the South Side or any of the dozen or so other events that encapsulated Bradley's first -- and probably only -- season as a Cub.

Bradleygate erupted with his Daily Herald interview, then overflowed with the announcement that he had left the team after being suspended.  Suspending Bradley might have been Hendry's best decision all year.  The only way he could have done it better would have been had he put him on the disabled list to end the season, thus activating the buyout clause after year two.  It doesn't matter though, Bradley won't even see year two in a Cubs uniform.

And if you thought trading Crazy Uncle Milton was going to be hard before, trying to deal him now will be harder than an advanced calculus final exam.  If he has been bothered by the Chicago media, there is no way he would survive in New York, Boston or Philadelphia.  He already wore out his welcome in Los Angeles with the Dodgers.  That should eliminate all the big market teams, and his salary would be too much for a small market team to take on.

Oakland might take him back.  So might Texas.  Any way the Cubs could send him to the White Sox to see who will win a battle of nutjobs between he and Ozzie Guillen?  In any case, the Cubs are going to have to eat salary.

If anything, the Cubs should just cut ties with Bradley.  If I were Tom Ricketts, I'd foot the bill to Sam Zell.  He's known for reviving failed projects.

Videos that capture the Milton Bradley Era in Chicago after the jump.


 


Lil' Flip - Game Over (Flip) (Official Music Video) - The best bloopers are a click away

Dear Milton Bradley, Do Shut Up

Let's cut to the gravy and check out what Crazy Uncle Milton said after being asked by the Daily Herald if he liked his stay in Chicago.

"Not really," he said. "It's just not a positive environment. I need a stable, healthy, enjoyable environment. There's too many people everywhere in your face with a microphone asking the same questions repeatedly. Everything is just bashing you. You got out there and you play harder than anybody on the field and never get credit for it. It's just negativity.

"And you understand why they haven't won in 100 years here, because it's negative. It's what it is."

"And you undersstand why they haven't won in 100 years here, because it's negative," says the player with a .257 batting average.  Milton Bradley needs to just shut up and play baseball

An idea how the Cubs should handle the situation after the jump.


If it is true that he is taking himself out of the line-up, the Cubs should do good on themselves and put him on the disabled list and call it a day.  Cot's Baseball Contract's states that there is a clause in Bradley's contract that would allow the Cubs to buy out the third and final season of his contract if he ends the season on the disabled list or is not on the active roster on April 15, 2010.

And to think, the Cubs thought they had problems with their last right fielder that wore the No. 21.

Bradley made $5 million this year and is owed $20 million more coming over the next two seasons.  According to his baseball-reference.com salary data sheet, he's made upward of $17 million in his career, so that means that he should be able to take the hit on any fine levied for him not talking to the fans or media.

It's a risk he should be willing to take.

Immensely talented, there is a reason Bradley is playing for his seventh team since coming to the majors.  His ego is too big to handle.  And it is not as if Chicago sports fans have not embraced ego-maniacal troubled stars over the eyars.  The Bulls won three championships with crazy Dennis Rodman, but a lot of the credit for corralling Rodman's outbursts were the leadership of Michael Jordan and Phil Jackson.  The Cubs don't have a Jordan-like leadership figure in the clubhouse, because if they did, they would not be 11 games behind the Cardinals in the standings.

And that is where part of this whole fiasco is an indictment on Lou Piniella as a manager.  Once upon a time, you couldn't mess around in Lou Piniella's clubhouse.  He ran things the Yankee Way.  Love 'em or hate 'em, the Yanks have 26 World Series pennants, including one this century.  They're obviously doing something right.  Hell, Piniella won a World Series title in Cincinnati, managing a robust clubhouse and out managing Tony La Russa in the process.

However, this is much more of an indictment of how bad of a general manager Jim Hendry is.  It has been easy to stockpile on Hendry's poor decision making in 2010.  Some fans will tell you trading Mark DeRosa was the Cubs' biggest mistake, but talk to those guys after the three young pitchers Chicago received from Cleveland all get to the majors.

Other than the foolish acquisition of Kevin Gregg, Hendry's biggest mistake was miscasting Bradley as a middle-of-the-lineup run producer when Bradley has never been able to do that in his entire career.  The contract isn't to heavy in money or to long in length like Alfonso Soriano's deal.

But with the way Bradley has acted in Chicago, it seems like an albatross.

Milton Bradley & Haterade

 "What are you putting in my Haterade?"

I'm getting sick and tired of defending Milton Bradley.  I do it partially because I feel he has yet to get a fair shake from Cubs fans and the media.  And for probably the first time in this blog's history, I'm linking the media and the fans as Bradley's united front.

Fans belly-ached about the loss of Mark DeRosa so much, the Chicago media hopped on it and made the deal its own crusade in which to fight against Bradley.  Yet, until recently, no blame has gone to the guy who recruited and signed the outfielder to a three-year deal.

It's not like Bradley put a gun to Hendry's head and forced him to sign.

Then there's this in today's Tribune online edition, via Paul Sullivan:

Milton Bradley said after Tuesday's loss he's "never" comfortable playing at Wrigley Field. 

"It's hard to be comfortable when you don't get a hit and get booed every time," he said. "When I go home and look in the mirror, I like what I see. My family is there I have people I can talk to who are very supportive, in spite of everything and all the adversity and the hatred you face on a daily basis. But I'll be alright. I always have."

Of course, Bradley's harshest critic, Steve Stone Dave Kaplan chimed in with his blog as well.

Milton, you don't face hatred. You face a fan base that is frustrated with your play this season and the fact that you were brought here to be a run producer and you have the grand total of  32 RBI's and are hitting just .259. Cubs fans want production and effort but when they see a guy who isn't producing he becomes a target of their frustrations.

Expecting Bradley, whose career high 77 RBIs last year, to be a run producer was a major mistake on Hendry's behalf.  And yes, he does face hatred Kap.  All day every day, he gets to hear from bleacher bums who whack it to posters on their ceilings of Mark DeRosa.  Their disenchantment with Bradley stems from Hendry's wild, unattainable expectations of a lefty-swinging run producer that history has shown is not a lefty-swinging run producer.

Kap should imagine going to work each day and having to hear from his friends and co-workers that he'll never be as good of a baseball writer/analyst as Buster Olney.  Or that he'll never have as good of a radio show as Jim Rome.  All day.  Every day.

That's what it has got to be like for Bradley.

Yes, Cubs fans, you have a right to voice your displeasure toward Crazy Uncle Milton for his .259 batting average, nine homers and 32 runs batted in.  But don't forget to channel some of that anger toward the guy who brought him here and mislabeled him in the first place.

Geez, from the looks of things, Jim Hendry has done nothing but mislabel his entire outfield.

Sounds like a fireable offense to me.  Go get 'em Tom Ricketts.

TBDS Late Night: The Buried Lead Part II Takes You To Bed

What Crazy Uncle Milton would do to Steve Rosenbloom if he had a chance.

If I were to come up with the concept of a sports blog today, rather than a little more than a year ago, I probably would call it "Bashing Milton Bradley" because that seems like the easiest thing to do in to do.

So easy, a Cards fan can do it. Easier than Sunday morning. Easier than getting into Upper Iowa University. Easier thank the sorority skank sitting at the end of the bar gulping down her eighth, ninth and tenth Long Island.

You can add Tribune blogger/glorified columnist/former sports radio host Steve Rosenbloom to the list of those who took the easy road to writing a column/blog. Lost in the outrage over Bradley's cynical comments was this tidbit that was oh-so-easy to ignore because it made too much sense.

"It's nice, but I don't think we're going to get any nicer articles written about us. But we're in first place, so you can't find a negative in that."

Translation from the eyes of someone not looking to use Crazy Uncle Milton as a jump-off: "First place is nice, but it's July 26, not September 26."

Also, take note the different lead ins between the columnist and the beat writer. You know, the guy who follows the team religiously.

Paul Sullivan, respected beat writer:

"A crowd of 41,528 seemed to enjoy the fact the Cubs overcame a lot of adversity to get to the top spot, though some, like (Milton) Bradley, downplayed the accomplishment."

Steve Rosenbloom, columnist:

"As usual with the guy whose motto must be “Surly to bed, surly to rise," Bradley offered some comments on sweeping Dusty Baker’s typically bad team and jumping over the dreaded Cardinals..."

Then he followed with:

"Here’s a tip, pal: Nice articles are easier to come by when you don’t sound like a self-pitying brat. Just saying."

It doesn't take a baseball connoisseur to figure out that Rosenbloom's column is slanted more than a weigh scale that has Bartolo Colon on one side and Alexei Ramirez on the other.

Then there was this quote, that instantly made me stand applaud Milton Bradley for something that had to do nothing with on the field stuff.

"Are we going to stop getting bashed by everybody, articles about our lineup and how it was better last year and all that garbage. Last year's team is sitting at home, just like everyone else. There's just one champion."

Translation: "There's no point of popping too much wood at the sight of being in first place in July when there's still two-and-a-half months of baseball to be played."

Look, if you want to be happy with being in first place in the middle of July, then you can join the "It's Gonna Happen" guy, the Can The Cubs Mend My Heart Guy and all those stupid attention-seeking whores in a circle jerk. Don't get me wrong, division titles are nice. Winning a baseball division title means you have to be better than five other teams for the majority of a 162 game schedule. Think about how hard that is, numbers wise.

Cubs fans, you should always remember that your beloved Mark DeRosa didn't lead the Cubs to a World Series. Heck, in two years, he couldn't help the team win one game. So, does that mean if Bradley is a part of a Cubs team that wins one measley playoff game (a feat that hasn't been reached on the North Side since 2003) -- does that make him a savior?

Probably not. It will likely take a walk-off home run in each and every game of the playoffs for Cubs fans to side with Bradley.

Until then, Crazy Uncle Milton has the right to go batshit crazy upside the head of Rosenbloom or any other dumb columnist looking to get off easy on a column.

Crazy Uncle Milton Would Have Made Sure Judgement Day Came Soon For The Miz

It has been a long time since I cared about wrestling. A lot has changed since then. A black guy is the president of the U.S.A., the Bears have a Pro Bowl quarterback, I need two hands to count the number of girls I've kissed. Unfortunately, the Cubs have still yet to win a World Series.

Enter stage left Alfonso Soriano.

The Cubs' slugging left fielder attended Sunday night's World Wrestling Entertainment (used to be called World Wrestling Federation before the World Wildlife Fund got into the fray) at the Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Ill., and was greeted by someone named "The Miz." A character with that moniker sounds like some type of cross-dressing hooker you would find on the other side of the tracks.

Not that I would know anything about that. I digress.

Anyway, after a brief introduction The Miz went on a roasting session of the spectating Soriano, which rated only slightly higher than something a White Sox fan with an elementary education would spew.

Surely there was one Cub that would not stand for such a verbal thrashing, and thankfully for the WWE, he was not in attendance. And that would have been Milton Bradley.

Could you have imagined what would have happened had Crazy Uncle Milton been rolling with Fonzie at this event? Steel chairs and cookie sheets would have been a-flying, tables would have been smashed, baseball bats would have been shoved in unthinkable orafaces and then broken pieces of the bat would have been used to slash the Miz's throat in a fit of rage only seen by the likes of Major League umpires.

And all Vince McMahon would be able to do is watch helplessly and think "This isn't part of the script."

Report from WWE's Judgement Day 2009 [Wrestling-edge.com]

Crazy Uncle Milton Is An Early Candidate For Quote Of The Year

Milton Bradley strikes again. And this time, it's not even suspension worthy.

Down 2-1 in the 6th inning, Crazy Uncle Milton absolutely crushed a pitch into the stratosphere giving the Cubs a 3-2 lead en route to a 6-2 win against the San Diego Padres. After a slow start, Bradley is hitting a robust .186 with four homers and eight ribbies.

But don't worry Cubs fans, the ticking time bomb doesn't want to be bad anymore.

"I didn't come here to suck."

Bradley has been bad so far, and that is probably why folks have ridden him hard in the early part of the season.

So far, the nutty one has fought injury, unforgiving fans, being in Lou Piniella's doghouse and the big bad MLB powers that be. All that in a little more than one month.

At 18-14, the Cubs are in fourth place in the National League Central but are only 1.5 games out of first place without having played their best ball yet. That's the key. Through early May, the Northside Nine has weathered everything from injuries to inconsistencies and will have to continue to do so with Aramis Ramirez out for about two months with a dislocated shoulder. The patchwork Piniella must perform is mind-boggling.

But the Cubs will have a chance to be competitive as long as they aren't moved to the AL East and as long as Bradley can stay on the field, off the trainer's table and out of the MLB Disciplinary Office.

Cubs' Bradley turns jeers to cheers with homer in win [Chicago Tribune]

Milton Bradley Pegged With 2-Game Suspension, Derrek Lee Approves

You never forget your first time. Neither will Milton Bradley.

Bradley has made two plate appearances as a Chicago Cub at Wrigley Field, but his first got him just a tad bit of trouble.

The nutty outfielder struck out looking with the bases loaded in Friday's 7-4 loss to the St. Louis Cardinals. Bradley, who disagreed with the call, was tossed after bumping home plate umpire Larry Vanover and was then suspended for two games for his actions.

And what does an injured Milton Bradley do? Appeal the decision.

While he has the right to appeal the two game suspension, Crazy Uncle Milton probably should have just taken the punishment as his injured groin continues to heal. But he's got the support of his team and the Wrigley faithful (so far).

During the appeal, Bradley has decided to not comment to the media.

Good idea.

For another good idea, shout out to Derrek Lee. The Gold Glove first baseman has stepped up in full support of Bradley, which should probably help build morale in the clubhouse. Lee went through his own valleys in his first year as a Cub in 2004, so it is nice to see one of the team's most visible players stand up for the new guy.

"I like it. ... He said what he had to say and walked off. That's him. He's intense. It's a big situation, he wants to do well, and he got upset. It's OK. He didn't do anything malicious."

Bud Selig and Bob Watson respectfully disagree.

Crazy Uncle Milton Won't Be Inviting Larry Vanover For A Post Game Meal

(Explitive Deleted)

Weren't you just waiting for the first call to go against Milton Bradley?

I was.

Bradley stepped to the plate of a tied game with the bases loaded and one out. The $30 million man calmly took three straight balls out of the strike zone before taking two straight strikes to fill the count. Cardinals starter Adam Wainwright stepped off the mound for a moment before delivering a nasty curveball that appeared to dip low and inside.

Home plate umpire Larry Vanover disagreed, ringing up Bradley. Who all of a sudden forgot that it was only days ago he told the Chicago Sun-Times that he was a new man. He was cool, calm and collected ... until borderline call went against him. Then, he went nuts. So did the crowd.

Welcome to the Milton Bradley Era.

Actually, the Cubs' 7-4 loss to their arch rivals from St. Louis exposed several of the two-time defending NL Central Division champion's weaknesses.

The Cubs bullpen is bad and features Aaron Heilman and Luis Vizcaino ... guys that I wouldn't trust getting out Fat Albert let alone Albert Pujols. And unless manager Lou Piniella can successfully clone Carlos Marmol five-times over, it will be a mighty struggle for the Cubs' pen.

Kevin Gregg is the team's closer, and it's actually fitting. You can't spell Cubs without B(lown) S(ave).

The starting rotation is good, not great. Sean Marshall tossed a few good innings, but if he was the hold up and the reason why the Cubs didn't get Jake Peavy, then someone's head needs to be examined inside the Cubs front office. I'm pretty sure the 2007 NL Cy Young Award winner would not have allowed a two-run homer to the offensively-inept Chris Duncan.

Then there's Crazy Uncle Milton, who signed a three-year contract in the offseason. The Cubs chose Bradley over Adam Dunn, citing his athleticism and ability to play the outfield. Sure, Dunn will never be confused with an average defensive outfielder, but it's hard to play defense while laying on a trainer's table.

Some say the Cubs are cursed by a gypsy, a Billy goat, a black cat or a Bartman.

I say the Cubs are cursed by poor management, poor play and underachieving ballplayers.

Photo Credit: Chicago Tribune

This Just In: Milton Bradley Is Hurt

If you had Easter Sunday (April 12) in the Milton Bradley injury pool, you're the winner.

The prize? you ask.

Well, the prize is future blogs questioning everything from Bradley's signing to the Cubs' depth bench in the outfield.

When reached for a comment, Crazy Uncle Milton offered only a deathly stare.

What do you mean Crazy Uncle Milton has to sign autographs?

Last we checked, Crazy Uncle Milton had just signed a three-year deal worth $30 million to play right field for the Chicago Cubs.

Our good ol' Crazy Uncle also gave us a glimpse into the near future and what the 2009 baseball season had in store for him. But today Milton gets his first public appearance with Cubs fans: The Cubs Convention.

Nothing like a bunch of nutty, nerdy Cubs fans lined up for a few hours to catch a glimpse of the newest Cub. Here is how it might go down tonight at the Hilton & Towers.

Fan: Hey Milton, can you sign this for my Grandma?
Milton: What do you mean "Get well soon, Granny?" What do I look like to you: a telegram? I'm not yo messenger service! I'll strangle ya! I'm Crazy Uncle Milton. I don't do get well cards. I'm not Hallmark. Get out of here.

Checking up on Crazy Uncle Milton

As the Cubs inch closer to officially signing a new right fielder, I thought it would be a proper time to check up on Crazy Uncle Milton himself. He's a special character who gave me a look inside his crystal (meth) ball to see his future. Here is a glimpse of how the first year will go down according to the crystal ball. Reader discretion is advised due to strong language.

JANUARY 2009: Crazy Uncle Milton signs a three-year deal worth approximately $30 million. When asked about if he will be able to play right field after a year of being a designated hitter, Milton responded.

"Yeah motherf*cker. I can play right field. You don't think I can play the outfield? You must be retarded. I'll f*cking kill you!"

MARCH 2009: Milton opens Spring Training on a tear. He is hitting everything in sight as he leads the team in batting average, on-base percentage, OPS in the first two weeks after camp breaks. However, Milton is seeing a lot of time as the designated hitter in Arizona ball. A reporter asks Milton if he is healthy enough to play the field.

"Hell yeah, I'm healthy! I'm breathing right. I wouldn't be breathing if I was healthy you dumb motherf*cker. I hate retards. Go Plaxico yo'self!"

APRIL 2009: After a conversation with Cincinnati Reds manager Dusty Baker, Milton refuses to take the field on a cold April afternoon. That sparks this heated rant.

"It's cold, f*ck that. There's snow on the f*cking ground motherf*cker. You don't see brothas playing baseball in the snow. Hell, brothas don't like playing football in the snow. That's why we like the south. It ain't cold. This is bullsh*t, Lou!"

JULY 2009: As the weather heats up, so does Milton. After a slow start, he is now hitting .290 with 10 home runs as he leads the team in OBP. A reporter asks Milton if he can keep up his hot hitting. Of course, he goes ballistic in his response.

"Hell yeah I'm gonna keep it up (no homo). It's summer time. It's hot. I'm hot. My bat's hot. You think I wanna stop hitting the ball? You think I'm gonna stop hitting the ball? That's my job, see the ball and hit the ball f*ckin hard. That's it. And catch the ball when it's hit to me. That's what I do. I get paid to hit the damn ball. So pitch me the damn ball so I can take your head off with a batted ball. It'll f*cking kill you!"

AUGUST 2009: Milton's hot hitting has indeed continued through the summer. However, he has a rough game where he goes 0-for-3 with three strikeouts before hitting a double that started a Cubs come-from-behind rally. Color commentator Bob Brenly complements Milton's swing, which for some reason upsets him.

"That is some Brokeback Mountain sh*t, Bob. My swing is pretty? How the f*ck you gonna call a grown man's swing pretty. Does it got lipstick on? Does it have titties? Does it have one of those easy access skirts on? F*ck no! Gawddammitt Bob, I'll f*cking kill you!"

SEPTEMBER 2009: Milton leads the Cubs to a third-straight NL Central title. A celebration occurs.

"We gonna pop champagne like we won a championship game. F*ck them motherf*ckers that doubted us. They dead now! DEAD! Where's my champagne? Wait...this ain't Cristal? Where's my Cristal? Can a brotha get some Henney? Can I pop some Henney? D-Lee, why you drinkin' my Henney? I'll kill you motherf*cker!"

OCTOBER 2009: Milton and the Cubs have done the impossible in capturing the Cubs' first World Series title since 1908. He hits a walk-off home run in the bottom of the 12th inning off CC Sabathia, who started the game. A reporter asks Milton how it feels to be the hero. His response, classic.

"How do you think I feel you f*cking idiot? I'm rich. I'm paid. I'm 'bout to get laid and we won. Bitches gonna love me. We f*cking won. F*ck you guys who thought we couldn't win. You're all a bunch of f*cking homos. All of you. Did you think I wasn't gonna get the game winning hit? I'll slit your f*cking throat. We the mothaf*ckin champions!"