Be Careful What You Wish For: Milton Bradley Has Been Traded

Chicago media members and Cubs fans everywhere got their collective wish granted on Friday as Jim Hendry traded Milton Bradley to Seattle.

Cubs fans everywhere celebrated the deal as if the team had won its first World Series since 1908.  So, what did Hendry get to make everyone so giddy?

Carlos Silva.

That's right sports fans.  The Cubs just acquired a contract that would be harder to get rid of and who is just as much of a prick.

Only the Cubs would be able to trade Bradley and get a worse player in return.

Can you say Cutlerfucked?

By acquiring Silva, Hendry added to the roster a guy who owns a 29-47 record, 1.54 WHIP and a 6.29 earned run average in the four years since finishing with a 9-8 record.  Take note that it was 2005 when Silva last owned a respectable record, earned run average and WHIP.  In 2006, Silva led the American League with 38 home runs.  That would be a great statistic for an outfield that combined to hit 43 home runs last season until you realize that Silva is a starting pitcher rather than an everyday player.

In a park notorious for giving up the long ball, why on earth would the Cubs trade a serviceable major league outfielder for absolute cow dung.  If you thought Kevin Gregg made your blood boil, watching Silva take the bump will be like watching six or seven innings worth of Gregg.

For all of his flaws, at least Crazy Uncle Milton didn't suck.

Last season, Silva posted a 1-3 record, an 8.60 ERA, a 1.714 WHIP in only 8 games.  Why 8 games?  Because he was hurt most of the year.  For a front office to refuse salary arbitration to Rich Harden because they feared the oft-injured pitcher would accept it to go out and bring in someone who made six starts in the same season Harden made 26 reminds me that Jim Hendry is in fact baseball's dumbest person.

He makes Cardinals fans look like Einstein.

And MLB.com's Carrie Muskat has the nerve to wish Cubs fans a Merry Christmas.  Merry Christmas?  A good Christmas present would have been trading Bradley to Seattle for Ken Griffey Jr. and a time machine that can be set to 1997 upon Junior's arrival to Chicago.

A few days later, Muskat suggested Lou Piniella would have a "merrier holiday" without Bradley.  Possibly.  That is until he realizes his best option to start in center field is Sam Fuld.  After that, the following conversation occurred

Lou: Jim, where the fuck is my center fielder?
Jim: What, you don't like Sam Fuld? I think he'll be fine.
Lou: Why do you force me to field a team of midgets? Can I have someone tall enough to ride the fucking Tea Cups at Disney World?
Jim: Of course I could. We've got options.
Lou: Alright. What are our options?
Jim: Marlon Byrd. Scott Podsednik. Rick Ankiel

At that point, Sweet Uncle Lou has a few options of his own.  Option No. 1 is to punch Hendry in his throat. Option No. 2 is to kick Hendry in the stomach.  Option No. 3 is throwing Hendry off the top of a very tall building after using a combination of the first two options.

That's it, Cubs fans.  Your over-the-top hatred of Milty has led us to believe that our best outfield options are the white version of Juan Pierre, a once-roided up ex-Cardinals outfielder and a former Texas Rangers outfielder coming off a career year.

At this point, the highlight of the offseason could come if Matt Capps nixes the Washington Nationals and signs with the Cubs.

Furthermore, the Milton Bradley Era is another reminder of the stupidity that has been the past two prior Cubs offseasons.  Let's run them down, shall we?

2009 Offseason

• Release All-Star closer who converted 34 saves without offering arbitration and getting draft picks and return.
• Trade once untouchable prospect for Kevin Gregg to replace All-Star closer.
  
• Trade popular second baseman who will remain nameless for prospects to replenish a bare farm system.
  
• Replace said second baseman (who hit .285/.376/.481/.857 with 21 HR & 87 RBIs) with Aaron Miles.
• Trade former No. 1 prospect for another team's former No. 1 prospect, trade that prospect for Aaron Heilman.
• Trade over-paid, inning-eating back-of-the-rotation guy, pay him to eat innings elsewhere.
• Sign guy who had never hit more than 22 home runs or drive in more than 77 RBIs to be middle-of-the-order left-handed bat.

2010 Offseason

• Dump Kevin Gregg
• Dump Aaron Miles
• Dump Aaron Heilman
• Dump Milton Bradley
• Get over-paid, inning-eating back-of-the-rotation guy 
  

Think about it, folks.  The Cubs brought in Gregg, Miles, Heilman and Bradley for the 2009 season and paid them a collective $13.025 million (not to mention the $875,000 Hendry gave to the Rockies to take Jason Marquis off his hands) for one year and 83 stinkin' wins.

Oh, lest we forget the Cubs traded their best bench bat to Oakland so they could get rid of Miles in the first place in exchange for spare parts and let their best second-half starter walk away without getting anything in return.

And the 2010 Cubs are supposed to be better?

Someone wake me up when it's 2011, I might have to go into hibernation once Opening Day rolls around.